☁️

i love daydreaming. sometimes i do it so often, i forget reality is real for a moment and that scares me sometimes but excites me nonetheless.

its an exciting thing. it takes you places you wish to be and if you are good enough, it even mimics emotions you would feel at that precise moment.

it is a good thing.

—until the lack of reality catches up with you and from then on, daydreaming isn't enough anymore. You became so in love with the version of life in your head you didn't realize it was slowly eating your heart too. And the more in love you were with that ideal, the more it killed you inside.

and i’m tired of feeling like this..this joy of what life could be or maybe is in another dimension closely followed with the wave of exhaustion and utter disappointment.

is this my fault? is this a form of punishment? i dont know.

all i do know is that it kills me and i dont know how much longer i can do this for.

“its the oldest story; i am surrounded by a sea of people and yet, i have never felt more lonely. more misunderstood.

but, i will power through. I know it.”

—me about a month ago.

will i though?

i dont know.

all i know is..life is bullshit.

and i dont know if i am able to accept that.

“She forced a smile and with every second the smile lasted, a thousand knives were stabbed in her already shattered heart-- she knew his forever was shorter than hers.”

i hope to find happiness some time soon.