smile like you mean it

You're going to log off of this site for years. You're going to try to log back on to your main blog out of boredom and find this one by accident.

And wow do things change.

You'll still carry some trauma over the past and you're still a little damaged from your ex. But wow have you grown stronger- mentally and physically. If you think you grew just within 2016, wait until you see what the next few years will bring

You would not believe that your new sport is lifting and you're currently eating over 2k calories a day. You're 130 lbs, but don't freak out. You're still trying to gain muscle to get healthier. This is the highest weight you've ever been and sometimes you still question yourself, but you're so strong now.

You back packed Europe alone over winter break and hiked through 7 national parks on summer vacations. You partied in Vegas and New York and got lost in the desert more than a few times.

You'll graduate with a master's degree and land a good job with amazing people. Your loans are also almost paid off already and you bought yourself a brand new car. You'll even teach physics of all things as a grad student and will be a great TA. I promise being rejected from grad school in Boston isn't the end of the world. I promise that was his dream and not yours.

You'll be friends again with some people you thought you've lost. You'll lose some friends you thought you'd keep. You'll go through more painful times, but as the cliche goes - time heals all.

You still live at home and dream of moving to a city or out west. But for now it's okay, because you have your family and dogs and good friends. You'll leave when it's right.

I promise you'll find love again. Maybe he's the one. Maybe he's not. You learned to let him in, which in 2016 you were doubtful about. It's a little rocky right now, but time will tell.

I haven’t been on this blog in forever, but I think it’s about time as the year is almost finished. 2016 has been by far the best and worst year of my life.

I’ve spent the entire year in such deep emotional pain over a breakup. I am extremely saddened still by my ex and a dull ache is still there. I feel like it’s consumed most of 2016 and a lot of what has been on my mind lately. I’ve tried to move on with three guys since. The sex has honestly been amazing, but I’m lacking the ability to trust anyone the way I did my ex. I loved with everything I had and to have it ripped away from me has had devastating effects. It’s been a long journey of recovery in that aspect, but I finally feel okay. I feel like I’m at a place where I can finally move on and close that chapter of my life. The guy I’m seeing now is amazing. He treats me well and is understanding in every aspect that my ex never was. I just hope I can learn to let him in. I finished up my trauma work in therapy this summer, but I’m still going for other reasons. I’d like to think I’m doing a lot better. My self confidence and self esteem are through the roof they’re so high. I can’t remember why I ever hated myself so much, from my body to my personality. I have learned to love myself in so many ways it’s unimaginable. I finally believe I’m beautiful and I deserve the best life has to offer. I’ve also never traveled as much as I did this past year. I started the year out in the Dominican Republic, roadtripped out to the west coast, spent a weekend in Chicago, and now I’m about to back pack Europe (and partially solo). I’ve also become an extremely competent driver which I’m proud of. I used to be too anxious to drive anywhere new, but now it doesn’t phase me in the slightest. Other accomplishments for the year include graduating college magna cum laude and being awarded a grant from NASA for research while I pursue my graduate degree.