My Little Blog

I'm just struck at how incredibly hopeful the Zero Dawn protocol was while embracing the understanding that humanity as they knew it was simply doomed.

Been thinking a lot about my family lately. My family and... all of this nonsense going on with politics.

I don't ask my parents to be perfect. But I'm not sure if I can forgive them for voting for T.

I feel absolutely terrible about it- a lot of the immediate hurt and anger has subsided. But where I thought it may be replaced with something like acceptance and the wish to come to an understanding...

I find myself getting angrier and angrier.

This probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't part of T's purge of undesirables. And to be clear- this is not ONLY because of that, though of course that they could blithely vote for someone who has stated his wish to end all legal recognition of people like me is deeply upsetting.

They expect me to sit here and watch my friends and family of choice be ruined, decimated, deported, destroyed- and do nothing.

Just stay on the sidelines, just watch, just duck away while others are figuratively (and eventually literally) dying all around me.

I really wish that I could claim that that is NOT what my parents would want. I wish I could claim that they didnt raise me to be just as profoundly selfish as they are. At least I feel like others can claim that their parents arent bad people- just misled.

I know my mom has NEVER had her own political opinions. It was always given to her by her husband, and now that she has Alzheimer's her cognitive ability to think for herself is pretty much nil. I try to hold grace for her here. But before this diagnosis was even in the picture she never understood that her opinions have actual consequences.

And her husband. Lord, dont get me started.

They want me to hide it. Never speak of it in their presence. If I were to go back I could never explain whats happening< to me or others. They wouldnt want to be upset after all.

How can I go back? Face them, look into their eyes, know that they see the grief and pain and anguish in my eyes, their SON, and they look away because it makes them uncomfortable?