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@thoughtswedontspeak
“I’m with you. No matter what else you have in your head I’m with you and I love you.”
— Ernest Hemingway

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“Thomas Edison’s last words were: ‘It’s very beautiful over there.’ I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”
— John Green
“I’ve never been very good at leaving things behind. I tried, but I have always left fragments of myself there too, like seeds awaiting their chance to grow.”
— Joanne Harris
I didn’t think I’d still be struggling with post natal depression on a daily basis when my baby was 2, I thought this shit was a 1 year and under type deal. Its the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and its so hard to look at someone you love so so much and still feel full of regret that they’re even here.
Post natal depression is so difficult even the name suggests something trivial and something limited to a short period of a few days or weeks after what is supposed to be and what is largely expected to be the happiest time in a persons life. But it just destroys you once it gets you in its grasp and give it six years down the line it shows no sign of letting go. It may not physically be responsible for the taking of a life like horrible diseases such as cancer but it does. It robs your happiness confidence self worth ability to do simple things. Loneliness and the feeling of helplessness that you didn’t even realise you’d be feeling after supposedly the best gift life can bring, the guilt tips you apart and the memories of your child’s earliest days are either crying helplessly in bed all day listening to them cry, or blocked out completely because it’s easier than acknowledging it. And your kid(s) may not remember the first 4 or so years but you will and you have to live with that.

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You know that phrase 'it will seem better in the morning' ?
Well that’s just the problem. Being a mum you don’t get a morning, or you do you just haven’t slept.
So I never get that feeling of being refreshed and ready for the day. I never get the feeling of being able to look at things in a positive way.
Instead it just builds up and builds up until, well that’s just it what’s going to happen when I can’t take it anymore? I’m worried for myself and mental state. I can feel it, building and building. I don’t even no who I am half the time.
I wish Elliot would understand, I wish anyone would understand. I wish I could talk to people in my life like this and not just strangers on the internet.
Today is the first time in a long while my brain is letting me feel just how much love I have for my son and I don't know what to do with that information 🙃🥰😭❤️
kill me and use my blood as ink to tell your lover how i was never enough for you
no one talks about when you have to breakup with someone you still love. is it because it’s uncommon or because it’s something that you’re supposed to conceal? it’s not a normal ending, you sit there breaking someone’s heart while simultaneously breaking your own even though you know it’s for the best. when it’s over where does that love go, because all i feel is it sitting next to the guilt- i can’t believe i hurt them, why didn’t i just give it a little longer, this is my fault. and the regret- what if it was the wrong choice, maybe we could have fixed it, i want them back. but you know things weren’t working, you know love isn’t always enough.
4am
real love is not like the poetry. it is not i love you spat down each other’s throats or finding a reason to live again because you found this one person. It is so much simpler than that. real love is telling them to go back to sleep because it is still early and you know they need it, even if you want them to be awake with you. It’s realizing it won’t always be easy but still choosing them every day and wanting to be the very best for them. that’s it, it’s not as deep as you think.
4am

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“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
— Emily Brontë
„I burned so long so quiet you must have wondered
if I loved you back.
I did, I did, I do.“
- Will Graham at the cliffside
“It’s not that I can’t fall in love. It’s really that I can’t help falling in love with too many things all at once. So, you must understand why I can’t distinguish between what’s platonic and what isn’t, because it’s all too much and not enough at the same time.”
— Jack Kerouac (via quotemadness)
“I wish I’d done everything on Earth with you.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

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