☀️

almost enough to fit in but missing enough cues that i feel like an outsider

actually telling me that you don’t like hearing that i’m not doing well doesn’t make me better. it just makes me not tell you. i’ll learn to isolate better to cope quieter. in the same ways i did when i was young. that self destructive urge never left. it’s lying in wait. waiting for me to hear about how much it hurts you to hear about my reality. waiting for you to admonish me for my coping mechanisms so i learn to be less honest, more creative. suddenly i’m fifteen again, coming up either creative lies for when i last ate or showered or slept. for where the marks on my skin came from. all in the hopes that you’ll ignore what you don’t want to see, holding the knowledge that they always ignore what they don’t understand and what they don’t like hearing.

i don’t have an ounce of will to move

live music saves lives

i was meant to be a lover boy

do you guys promise i was actually very normal the last time we interacted?

I’m so so tired of everything being so so hard.