So me and my friend, or well ex best friend, have been on the outs with eachother for over a year now. Iâm not sure if Iâd even consider her a friend anymore, more of just someone I know and happen to of gone to the same highschool with. Anyway shits weird now. And Iâve finally come to terms with it. And itâs honestly whatever.
For whatever reason last night she decided to pop into one of my freaky ass dreams. Which is unfortunate because anytime she does, I try to apparently save her bitchass and it doesnât end up working.
So itâs crazy. I was in some parallel universe or some shit. Idk maybe I died or something, thatâs been a big dream idea on my mind for months now. Anyways, there were floors in this parallel universe, and the closer to the top you were, the safer you were??? Idk again, weird shit. Well there was an elevator, of course, to get you to and from the different floors. And Iâm talking tons of floors. For some reason I remember beginning the dream on like floor 457. Well the universe I was in was apparently doomed and going to be destroyed, so we were trying to get to the top to fly out. I know what youâre thinking some Willy Wonka bullshit. Just imagine like a tall ass skyscraper parallel universe. Well this bitch popped up in my dream, and needed to go with me to the top floor. But in reality everyone need to go, but that wasnât going to happen. Of course, I felt the need to help her. Well I tried to get her on the elevator and she missed her opportunity. Basically she just didnât get on the dumb thing. And then I zoomed to the top, escaping. When I got to the top I was apparently safe, and actually met someone that helped me figure the weird shit out. So yeah, dope I guess.
I like to try to think about dreams and figure out why I dreamed them in the first place. I mean they are your subconscious acting out anyways.
The only way I can interpret this, is that Iâm okay with our friendship dying? Crazy right? Idk why Iâm interpreting this this way, but thatâs how itâs gonna be. When I got to the top I was fully relieved. I was relieved to be without her. For a second I thought about trying to go back to save her but I got caught up in saving myself. Sounds bad but I feel like my entire life Iâve tried to save, and protect her from everything. Sheâs had several things happen to her that sucked and I always hated it for her. I wanted to shield and change her view of what was going on in her life, but it was always like I was too much for her. Sheâs even said this herself, itâs partially the reason why she decided to dissipate from my life with no explanation. And then on top of all that time trying to save and help her (to what I thought) she shunned me from being apart of her life 8 years later. It was upsetting at the time, and really sent me into a downward spiral. I reflected a lot on myself. Thinking I wasnât good enough, or I had deserved to lose my favorite person. But thatâs just not true. I think now I know she doesnât necessarily deserve to be apart of my life either. She chose to no longer be friends, I never chose that. I mean think about my dream. I chose to help her, she chose not to be helped. Crazy, huh?
I may try to save her but chances are sheâll never take my hand again. So in that case I give up. Iâm no longer lending a helping hand to a person that doesnât want it. I truly feel like Iâve tried everything, but now itâs time for me to just be okay with it, and find better people.