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@thoughtsbylotte
Starting A New Chapter
The months went by so quickly. It's a new year already and only today I realised in how much stress I am. The stress I put myself under. Because of what I believe others expect of me. Which turned out to be not true. Now I have come to realise that and I'm simply exhausted. I feel like I am in this hole and now I need to get out. Time to take care of myself.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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@positiveseed
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Good Friends Are Important
Today has been a day where i felt very overwhelmed. Maybe it's been building up the last few days or maybe it just happened. I don't know. But having a professor in university who makes you feel very small doesn't help your self-esteem. Maybe our personalities don't get along or maybe it's because I am still learning to accept more critic and deeper conversations with someone that knows way more than I do, who isn't a parent of mine. But I am getting through it. Maybe the professor just isn't good with teaching classes. That could also be an option. I cannot tell as I am not out of the situation nor do i know how to teach correctly but it just doesn't feel right.
I wrote a friend of mine my emotions and she helped me to calm down and realise it isn't as bad as i was thinking. She cleared my thoughts and made me realise not giving up is important. We all have these day's when we don't feel important or good enough. But it will pass and over time you will learn through these moments and grow as a person.
Up and Down
It's been going okay for the last week or so. I remembered to take care of myself and wrote into my journal every day. The more person things, you know? But then the weekend hit and i had migranes because of the weather changes. So i laid in bed with the curtains closed and all my thoughts. I didn't think much of it until this morning when i woke up and shortly afterwards started to cry.
I guess that's on me for not being consistent. I always look to other people instead of myself. Get jealous and wish I was them. But the trth is I rarely do anything to change that in my own life. Which is hard to realise. But living in my own fantasy world which is all in my head is safe. That's where I don't really get hurt. So I don't have to worry about anything. Which is nice in the moment but then I wake up from that fantasy and realise how boring my real life is. That's something I need to change. Slowly over time. That it stays consistent. But the most important thing is for me to learn how to be truely happy with myself. It's the hardest part. Because in my head I am mostly worthless. But I am worth so much! So my goal this week is to smile more.
Acknowledging your emotions
I took the last two days to focus on myself and calm my emotions down. The first step for that is to acknowledge how you feel. Accepting is the next step but getting to that isnt easy. Of course i could just claim to have accepted them but i havent. Not really. Things like that take time and dont happen over night. Which is okay.
For today I am proud of myself for finding that inner calmness again. I havent felt that for weeks and its honestly so refreshing. I know a small thing could happen and i have to start all over again to find my inner calmness but the next time it will be easier. The more often you do it the easier it gets. Trust me.
I hope you can be proud of yourself today and go to sleep without feeling like a million emotions and thoughts are going through your head. You can do it.
How to Process Your Feelings Through Writing
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Not being enough
You know these random situations that make you so uncomfortable and anxious? Even if it is such a simple thing. Nothing to loose your mind about. But it still makes you scared and you put the fault onto yourself even though it's clearly not your fault? Oh yeah. That's what happened to me the last couple of days.
grammer mistakes as english isnt my first language. be warned.
