thoughts are my random

Is this anyone else's viscious circle?!

Living life causes me pain #chronicillness and being in pain makes me stressed and anxious. But I can't stress clean like I did and any attempt gives me more pain. It also makes me more anxious as I can't do it like I did. But life also makes me anxious, which makes me want to stress clean again. And the more anxious stressed I am, the more pain I am in. And the more the pain I'm in the more anxious I am, and the more I want to clean causing more stress and more pain. But if I ignore the urge to clean then I feel more anxious. Which still causes me more pain.

Are normal on the path of life

You get some good twists

And some bad turns

One twist of mine

Led into a dark forest

I can't see the path anymore

But still, it goes on

Twisting and turning

The darkness surrounds me

And makes me stumble

I want a guide

A clear straight path out

But it twists and turns

I still hold on

To the tiniest of hopes

That soon I will stumble

Free of the scratchy branches

And shrouded sky

One twist or

One turn

One at a time

Until I am free

Inside.

Inside is where she lived.

Inside the house

As her pain trapped her.

Inside her mind

As the world closed in.

Inside.

Why don't you ask for help

You query, confusion in your eyes

Let me explain it to you

In different ways in the hope

You understand

I am drowning

Deep in the water

While you stand on the shore

Your feet dry and in warm sand

You offer to help

But your feet stay dry

And mine are soaked

I am drowning

You are in a boat

You don't see me

So I cry out for help

My mouth full of water

A gurgle is the only sound

A sound you don't hear

I am drowning

I've just fallen overboard

You reach in to the waters

Your hand touching mine

The water makes everything

So slippery

That I cannot hold on

I am drowning

You throw me a life raft

The waters are so choppy

It won't stay close

You keep trying, and yet

It keeps floating away

Before I catch my grip

I am drowning

And neither of us know

What to do next

You want to rescue me

Take action

And feel like you've done more

I am drowning

Yet sometimes

I catch my breath and see your boat

Knowing it is there

If ever the waters calm enough