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To meet new people and make new friends

Most times, I wonder how I came to be here. In a place where my insecurity tears my soul apart, and I question my worth. I loved with all my heart, and now I have been reduced to begging for it from someone who claimed to love me but acts otherwise. I lapped up every sweet gesture and honeyed words, and when things went wrong, I blame me – what did I do wrong? What’s wrong with me? Without me realizing, I had been conditioned to find the fault within myself every time things fell apart. I was made to feel shame for talking back and being honest with my feelings. But why am I still here? What is it about love that makes you endure the heartbreak, the pain, the disappointment, the disrespect? Where do you find the strength to finally pick up the pieces and leave?

I am grieving. I walked away from the person I still love, and it is one of the hardest things that one can ever do. I have tried it so many times in the past, but I get pulled back – and I allow myself to be pulled back, against my better judgment. I have lost count of how many times I have tried to walk away, but each time I do, it is with a fervent prayer that it will be for the last time.