My Desdemona

There are a few things in life so beautiful they hurt: swimming in the ocean while it rains, reading alone in empty libraries, the sea of stars that appear when you’re miles away from the neon lights of the city, bars after 2am, walking in the wilderness, all the phases of the moon, the things we do not know about the universe, and you.

Do you realize how important it is to be independent? To be able to take care of yourself? To not rely on someone else for your most basic needs? And to not get so damn attached to stuff that you’d rather demean yourself than live without it?

They say that the body is weakest from 3am to 4 and darling I think it makes complete sense because this is when I find myself missing you the most.

It’s okay to love someone so much that it hurts, that it takes your breath away. I think that once in your life, you ought to love someone like that; freely, inconsequentially, passionately. Some people are lucky enough to have that kind of love and keep it for the rest of their lives, but for most, this kind of love just happens in passing, once or twice, a lesson of some sorts. And if that’s the case, darling, at least next time you’ll know better than to destroy yourself for someone that can never love you as much as you ought to love yourself.

I kissed another boy and for the first time I did not pray for a taste of you when his lips met mine. And when his hands scorched bite marks onto my skin darling, I felt alive again. Don’t get me wrong now You will always be the first boy who set me on fire as I stood with my arms open stretching, saying, “love me.” But here, with this boy who cannot resemble you even if he tried, I am starting to feel okay again as if the whispers of you are getting fainter and fainter still; I can almost hear myself saying “I am finally letting go of you.”

I appreciate you a lot. I appreciate that you’re in my life right now, you’re a huge part of it since you’re my other half. I always keep in my mind that I have a reason to smile, which is my happiness. Do you know who’s my happiness right now? Well, look at the mirror baby. It’s you. My best friend, my love, my girlfriend, my wife and my lifetime partner. You’re them, my love. Each and every way, you’re my soulmate. You’re basically my everything right now, you own my eyes, mind and heart. You’re the only one who has the tendency to control and break them. You are worth loving, that’s why I love you and I’m willing to prove it to you. Our love is not measured by how long we knew and loved each other, or even the days we were together. It is measured by the times you’ve told me that you love me, by the ways you showed me how much you do. No matter what happens, I will be there for you especially when the days no one else is: I will aid you, take care of you, fight for or with you, make you smile even when you don’t want to, be a shelter for you, hold you in my arms, comfort you and love you as much as I can. I will give you constant reassurance and affection to keep you from being uncertain of things. I’m sure that the love we share right now will last and will always be the best part of me. For me, you are more than the best and I’m lucky to have you; to own a girl like you. A girl who can handle me at my worst and difficult situations, can understand me in my mood swings, can make my negative thoughts disappear, can instantly turn my frown upside down, can make me feel the most beautiful girl when I don’t think so, can make me feel loved when I feel I’m unlovable, can wipe my tears away in my dark days, can make me smile like an idiot, can protect me from harm and willing to stay forever. There are so many things that will happen: we still have to hold each other’s hands, kiss each other’s cheeks, nose, and lips, play each other’s hair, have a tickle fight, sleep on each other’s laps, travel anywhere, sleep and wake up together, have breakfast together, go to concerts and more. I can’t wait to do them everything with you. You’re the only one whom I want to do them everything with. Do you know that when we’re together? It makes me want to run away from everyone and all of my responsibilities when I’m with you because I just want to spend the day with you all day long, like let’s go to a place where no one knows us and somewhere new, because I just want you all by myself. It feels like we could just talk and talk, and if we run out of words to say, we could just have that comforting silence while I’m laying on your shoulders. You make me feel complete, you always bring the best out of me. You always find the right words to say and I don’t know how you could do that. I love you so much, and that’s the beginning of everything without an ending because my love for you has no end, I won’t stop. I wish we could be together all the time, no distance between us. I just want to curl up in bed and cuddle with you under the bed sheets and just stay there for a long time. You are my idea of perfection, I’m happy you’re mine. I was a bundle of insecurities and then you came into my life and life was beautiful again, so thank you for entering my life. I’m glad you never gave up on me. You are the reason why I can stand tall right now and brave to what life is going to throw right at me. You made me feel alive and for that I love you. You mean the world to me and no matter what happens I will never let go of you. You complete me and it’s only you who could do that. You filled my life with new meanings, for that I promise to do everything to make you happy. I’m so full of you and I don’t need anything or anyone else anymore as long as I’ve got you, as long as you’re mine. I want you to be mine for all eternity as I am yours. Stay mine forever. I’m so in love with you, you’re all I know. I love you.