Blood in the Stars Chp 6 (BloodyMary)
Chapter 6 is also available on Ao3!
-Slow burn, angst, emotional comfort, falling in love, eventual happy ending
-Rated T for cursing and depictions of violence.
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It had been a few days since Simon’s breakdown. He stayed inside the dorm and the nursery for the most part, but usually poked out to join the others for meals. He still felt a bit awkward just coming in and hanging out with Ryland or Rocky, so he sort of just stood by the lab’s doorway until one of them acknowledged him and invited him in.
“You’re always welcome to join us, you know. Whenever you feel like it, just come on in. We’re more than happy to have you here with us,” Ryland would always reassure him, but some habits die hard.
Simon liked to sit nearby and just listen in on the pair’s conversations. They’d usually ask Simon a few questions to try to get him to engage, but he didn’t always want to answer. He liked to observe, take in his surroundings, try to understand and assess from afar. The Children of Eden weren’t really social in the way Ryland and Rocky were. People mostly kept to themselves and did as The Father told them to do, but that was mostly because Eden encouraged snitching. You never knew who you could truly trust, so conversation was usually kept to a minimum. Yeah, Simon was used to watching from afar, it felt safer.
It also meant he could look at Ryland without him noticing.
Ever since Simon realized Ryland’s eyes were blue like the ocean, he kept wanting to look at them. He just…really liked that shade of blue, that’s all. He definitely didn’t notice the fact that his heart skipped a beat a few times around Ryland since he got here. He certainly ignored the butterflies in his stomach when he thought back to Ryland’s words of encouragement. He for sure didn’t acknowledge how warm he felt when he simply heard Ryland speak. And he absolutely most definitely did not notice the way he missed Ryland’s hand on his back in the Don’t Go Crazy room.
And he 1000% didn’t crave his soft touch again.
Definitely not.
That would be insane, and Simon was not insane.
He watched as Ryland was playing a game with Rocky on the floor. Something having to do with cards?
“No—Rocky, you can’t just make me eat all of your cards until you have one left. That’s not how Uno works.”
“Is custom card Grace. Rocky write anything Rocky want.”
“I’m not going to eat your cards. You have like 15 of them, I’ll get sick! Make me do something else!”
“…Grace eat two cards.”
It took everything in Simon to not laugh, but he certainly cracked a smile.
“That’s it, I’m done,” Ryland said as he put down his cards and stood up. He walked over to Simon, who was sitting on a stool by the corner, slowly eating at his breakfast burrito.
“Want to help me check on the plants? Shouldn’t take too long,” Ryland suggested.
Simon gave a small nod of his head as he stuffed the rest of the burrito into his mouth. They made their way over to the nursery, Ryland picking up the pen and notepad on the counter.
“There shouldn't be hardly any change yet since they haven’t been planted for very long. But you know, gotta document it anyway. Wanna go ahead and test the pH levels?”
Ryland handed Simon the digital pH meter, their hands brushing against one another for a moment. The scientist felt his heart leap right out of his chest. God, he really was acting like his middle school students…
Simon didn’t say anything, but that wasn’t a bad thing, right? He didn’t seem to flinch away or look startled—Ryland would take that as a win.
The two got to work checking on the plants, the blonde-haired man usually filling up the silence between the two. He tried to talk about a little bit of everything as they worked, trying his best not to make Simon feel pressured to talk, but curiosity always got the better of Ryland. He’s a scientist; sue him.
“So…you said Eden taught everybody basic botany skills in order to take care of the Last Tree? What is that?”
“Exactly like the name suggests. It’s the Last Tree. The last living plant since the Quiet Rapture. People on Eden worship it.”
Ryland was surprised he got a response out of Simon this time. It was anybody’s guess as to which questions he’d give an answer for.
“I mean, I probably would too if I knew that was the last living plant around,” the bespectacled man gave a nervous chuckle, but Simon didn’t seem to find the humor in it.
“More like obsession than worship,” the Martian added bitterly.
“What do you mean?” Ryland hesitated to ask, he didn’t want to make Simon uncomfortable. Hoping he was still on a good streak, he prodded for more.
“Just…life on Eden revolved around that thing and the fruit it bore. Everyone thought it was some cosmic gift from God or whatever.”
Clearly this was a touchy subject for Simon. Ryland cleared his throat before moving on to a different topic. “How…did you end up on a spaceship? I thought you said there were colonies on Mars?”
“There were. About 50 years before Earth became uninhabitable, they started building colonies on Mars. Then, it started to get too overpopulated, and there were limited resources. That’s when they started making the…lowest in Martian society start living in ships. Close quarters, no privacy, always something bad happening on the ships. Who would’ve guessed they’d be the reason humanity survived?” Simon gave a bitter laugh at the irony.
“…do you remember your life on Mars?”
“Bits and pieces. I can remember playing with the other colony children and attending school, and I remember building red mud structures with the dirt.” Simon couldn’t help smiling to himself a little as he remembered his childhood, but the moment was short-lived. “They moved us onto the ships when I was around 8. The whole thing with Eden and the Quiet Rapture didn’t happen until I was around 14, so I’ve spent the majority of my life up in space.”
This was the most Simon had spoken since arriving here. Ryland didn’t expect him to talk about anything personal since all previous attempts to learn about the new passenger had ended in a bust! But he couldn’t stop now! He was liking the sound of Simon’s voice way too much.
“Was it just you up there?”
The dark-haired man stopped his movements for a second, unsure if he wanted to answer. He took a deep breath.
“…my mother too.” Simon felt the heavy weight of the pendant around his neck. Instinctively, as he always did when he felt nervous or homesick, his hand reached up to grab it, his thumb swiping across the smooth surface.
Simon wasn’t a very social person back home, but then again, nobody really was. He wasn’t used to having conversations that completely revolved around someone trying to get to know him like this. Why would anyone ask about life on Mars or Eden when most of the Children already experienced it just like Simon did? They all knew about the colonies and the rapture, there wasn’t much of a need to talk about it. Everyone on Eden either talked about the Last Tree, work that needed to be done on the ship, or about how much they hated the traitors over on Filament Station. That was it. Only speak about things that actually matter and things you don’t need to keep secret.
Ryland hadn’t really noticed the pendant until now. He watched as the gloomy man held onto it like a lifeline.
“Did she give that to you?” Simon lifted his head to see Ryland pointing at the necklace he held in his hand. The new passenger unfolded his fingers from the pendant, allowing the scientist to get a better look.
“…yes. It’s all I have left of her,” Simon said solemnly.
The blonde-haired man adjusted the glasses that were hanging off his face, stepping a bit closer to get a better look at the pendant. Upon further inspection, Ryland noticed what was encased inside—
A seed.
His blue eyes widened, his breath caught in his throat. He absolutely could not believe what he was looking at. A seed! It had to have come from that tree Simon was mentioning earlier, he said it was the last living plant after the rapture! A plant that bore fruit.
A plant that bore food.
It really took everything in Ryland to not freak out over this discovery. He had to fight the instinct to snatch the pendant from Simon’s neck and break it open right then and there.
“You good…?” Simon must’ve noticed Ryland’s change in behavior. I mean, he was staring at the pendant as if it were a million dollars, there was no way the other man didn’t notice.
“Oh—it’s just, it’s a beautiful necklace, is all. It looks incredible on you.” He just said the first thing that popped into his head.
Ryland froze.
Simon froze.
Ryland’s face flushed red. He took a step away from Simon.
“WOAH, I UHH—I THINK I CAN HEAR ROCKY CALLING ME, I THINK I BETTER SEE WHAT HE WANTS!! GREAT JOB TODAY, I’LL JUST SEE MYSELF OUT NOW—“ Ryland rambled. He quickly stepped out of the nursery.
Rushing down the hall and past a curious Rocky, the scientist rushed towards the bathroom, pulling the curtain around and staring at himself in the mirror. He was panting. He was completely frantic.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Ryland wished he had Yao’s gun right now so he could blow his brains out. Because what the fudge was all that?! Accidentally compliment a guy, and then you run out on him after he just got done telling you about the last thing he had to remember his mother by?? Better yet, let Simon shoot Ryland himself. He deserved it.
How the heck was he supposed to face Simon again after all that? Screw trying to get Simon to trust him, he wouldn’t be surprised if the man punched Ryland in the face the next time he saw him! This was a complete disaster. He splashed some water onto his face.
Finally getting a moment to think, his mind shifted focus onto the pendant again. The seed looked like it was encased in resin, but Ryland wasn’t entirely sure. Was this it? Was this possibly the answer to the problem that’s been plaguing his mind for nearly 2 weeks? Would it be possible to break open that pendant and plant the seed? Could the seed produce fruit like the Last Tree?
Wait
No.
No, Ryland didn’t think it would be possible.
Fruit trees can take a long time before they start to produce. Like 3 to 10 years. They didn’t have that kind of time! Ryland calculated only 3 years of food left, but it would be even less now that Simon was here! He hadn’t done the calculations yet, but he wouldn’t be surprised if they’d run out of food in 2 years at this rate. There was no way he could get a tree to grow fruit in that amount of time, especially if he didn’t know what kind of tree he was growing. He didn’t know anything about this seed, he didn’t even know if it was viable! He had no idea what it was encased in!
And there was no way he could ask Simon to give it up either. Not after he mentioned it was the last thing he had of his mother’s. Not after all he had been through already. Not after Ryland ran out on him like that. Ryland was desperate, but he wasn’t cruel.
He slumped against the bathroom floor, hugging his knees tightly to his chest. He lost the solution to his problem just as quickly as it came to him. He was back to square one, hoping and praying the seeds he managed to find would grow. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to eating garlic and ginseng while he slowly starved to death.
God, he’d have to break the news to Simon and Rocky sooner or later, he couldn’t hide the problem forever! But the thought of having to tell Rocky that he and Simon were headed towards a very slow and painful death absolutely crushed him inside. They had already worked so hard not to make Project Hail Mary a suicide mission anymore, how was Ryland supposed to tell Rocky it was all for nothing?! How was Ryland supposed to tell Simon, who just lost his arm and home, that he was destined for such a terrible death?
He couldn’t do it. Not yet, anyway. He had to keep it a secret until he was absolutely sure the seeds he replanted wouldn’t grow. He had to give it a try. It might be absolute torture, but maybe it was possible to survive off garlic, ginseng, and thyme long enough to make it to Erid? He was willing to take that small chance even though, realistically, he knew there was little hope of that happening. But Ryland just needed something to hold onto until he got the courage to break the news.
God, he was in a bad mood now. This morning was going so well too! He felt like his conversation with Simon was getting them somewhere! The scientist felt like such an idiot just running off like some kid! All over a stupid compliment! Ryland Grace was 36 years old with a PhD, and he literally ran away from someone he complimented. He didn’t even say anything that crazy either! It’s not like Ryland said, “It’s a nice necklace, also, I think you’re the hottest man I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I’m not just saying that because you’re the only other person up in space with me and I’m desperate for human contact.”
Now he wished he hadn’t drunk all of Ilyukhina’s vodka back when he first woke up from his coma.
Figuring he had sat on the bathroom floor long enough, he made his way back to the Don’t Go Crazy room. All Ryland wanted to do was lie down in his comfy pillow fort without any disturbances. He avoided Simon and Rocky as he snuck back into his room, wrapping the homemade quilt around himself as he stuffed his head underneath 3 pillows.
He heard a rolling sound coming toward his room. As much as Ryland absolutely adored the Eridian, he should’ve known that wanting some alone time would be difficult to get.
The rolling got closer and closer as Ryland stuffed his head deeper and deeper under the pillows.
“Grace ok, question? Why Grace running to bathroom earlier, question? Why Grace leave friend Simon so fast, question?”
The last thing Ryland wanted to do was explain the utter humiliation he just put himself through. He wanted to hide for the next 5 days and never come out of his fort.
“It’s nothing, Rocky. I just want to be alone for a little bit.”
“But Grace just alone in bathroom.”
“I want to be alone for longer,” Ryland could feel his patience thinning already.
“Grace going to sleep, question?”
“Yeah, I just need a little nap or something.”
“Rocky watch Grace sleep.”
Ryland let out a frustrated groan. “Rocky, I’m fine, I promise. Go keep Simon company while I rest.”
“But Rocky always watch Grace sle—“
“I said I wanted to be alone! Just—can you go away for a bit, please?!”
There was a momentary pause. “….What is problem, question? Why Grace act this way, question? Rocky do something to make Grace mad, question?”
“ROCKY, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE,” Ryland finally snapped. He had never raised his voice like this with the Eridian. He instantly felt guilty about what he did, but he also felt justified in wanting some alone time for once! It’s not like it was a crime!
Ryland expected Rocky to yell at him back, to shout a bunch of Eridian curses he’d need to translate later, anything! But all Ryland could hear were quiet tones as Rocky rolled out of the room. Ryland was alone again.
…he buried his face further into the pillows.
Rocky rolled out of the Don’t Go Crazy room, muttering something under his breath that he would refuse to translate later. He rolled around the entire Hail Mary 4 times, hot steam coming out of his vents. When beginning his 5th roll of the ship, he noticed Simon was still in the plant nursery. The Eridian angrily rolled in.
“YOU!!!! YOU HELP GRACE!!!” He pointed a claw at Simon. “ROCKY NO UNDERSTAND STUPID HUMAN FEELINGS!!! ROCKY NO UNDERSTAND WHY GRACE ACTING LIKE SUCH A 🎶🎶🎵! HUMAN SIMON FIGURE IT OUT!!!!” The Eridian left to go angrily roll around some more.
Simon was left stunned for a moment.
Ok, reminder not to piss off an Eridian, got it.
Simon wasn’t going to disobey Rocky while he was in that state, so he put down what he was doing and headed toward the Don’t Go Crazy room. The door opened automatically as the new passenger slowly walked in.
Hearing the door open, Ryland automatically thought it was Rocky again. “Dude, seriously! I’m sorry for yelling, but I meant what I said! I just want to be left alone for a little while, is that too much to ask?”
“He uhh…he just wanted me to check up on you. Sorry, I can go if you want to be alone,” Simon replied.
Ryland had never shot up so fast. His glasses were dangling from his ear, his eyes widening at the sight of the other human. He was definitely not expecting this—not after running out on the man like fifteen minutes ago. While he did want to be alone, he knew he should at least give Simon an apology for randomly running away from him earlier.
“It’s—it’s fine. I think I owe you an apology, actually. I’m really sorry for running out on you while you were in the middle of talking. I promise, I’m not usually like that.”
“…I was a little confused by it, yeah. But I’m not mad at you.”
Ryland was relieved to hear Simon wasn’t mad, at least, but he was sure his feelings were still hurt. He wanted to give a better explanation as to why he ran off, but it would just be too embarrassing for the both of them.
Simon began walking out the door, but he stopped.
“I know you want to be alone, but I…I was wondering if I could watch the screens again. I wanted to see more of what Earth was like—or I guess see more of what Earth is like.”
Ryland felt his heart swell a little. While he wanted to wallow away in his pillow fort, he was not about to pass up an opportunity to tell Simon about Earth. He immediately jumped up, grabbed the small control panel device, and returned to the pillow fort where he was creating a comfortable spot for Simon. He looked up hopefully at the dark-haired man who didn’t seem to move.
Ah, that’s right—he liked to be invited in.
“Well, come on! Got all the pillows set up and everything! It’ll be like stargazing,” Ryland said as he motioned for Simon to come lie inside the fort.
God, he was such a hypocrite. He yelled at Rocky about how he wanted to be alone only to turn around and welcome Simon with open arms when he asked to stay with Ryland…he was being a bad friend. Rocky didn’t deserve this kind of treatment. He’d make it up to him.
Slowly, Simon came to lie beside Ryland. The fort wasn’t all that big, so the distance between the two was short. The new passenger had never lain down next to another person like this before, he never really got the chance to. He tried to play it cool while lying next to Ryland, but Simon feared the scientist would be able to hear how loud his heart was beating out of his chest right now. Good thing Simon was good at performing under pressure.
Fuck, Simon thinks he knows what all of this means. He doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s been pretty damn hard to ignore.
The Quiet Rapture and the beginning of the Eden cult happened when Simon was a teenager–but almost immediately after the cult’s inception, The Father began putting great restrictions around procreation and relationships. Now, with so many stars and planets completely gone, supplies were extremely limited. There was no room for making more mouths to feed or giving a pregnant person extra rations. Any sort of sexual activity was strictly forbidden unless the Father gave his approval for a couple to reproduce. There were no secrets in the cult, there were eyes everywhere. It was commonplace to see two people punished for sneaking off somewhere to get handsy. There were even a few extreme cases of castration. Simon was focused on simply surviving, so the thought of exploring any sort of romantic desires never really crossed his mind. Besides, who in their right mind would be romantically interested in the one they called ‘The Butcher’?
Ryland suddenly handed the control panel over to Simon, pulling the Martian back to reality. Brown eyes met blue in the dim light of the room, their faces mere inches from one another.
And then Simon had another thought.
Simon had told Ryland a little bit about himself earlier, but he was curious to know the same things about the other man. Sure, he knew about the whole Hail Mary mission, but that wasn’t Ryland Grace. That was just something he had done. He wanted to know what life was like for him before astrophage, what his hobbies were, what his favorite color was, he wanted to know it all.
Simon pushed the controller back into Ryland’s hand, his voice coming out soft and steady.
“I want to see where you’re from.”
The brown-eyed man saw a twinkle in the blue that stared back at him. He noticed lips curving into an appreciative smile, pale cheeks turning rosier.
Cute.
Ryland gave a small chuckle. Awe, Simon really wanted to know more about him? Well, he was more than happy to show him what San Francisco looked like. He pressed a few buttons on the panel, and the screens transitioned to a beautiful view of the city landscape with the infamous Golden Gate Bridge framing the background.
“This is San Francisco! It’s located in California and sits on the west coast of the United States of America.”
Simon was instantly mesmerized.
Ryland pressed a few more buttons, the screens switching through different views of the city. The control panel almost worked like Google Earth, where you could ‘walk’ through whatever place you were searching through, but the panel also had multiple logged videos of the area you were seeing so you could get more detail of the landscape.
“This was the house I lived in,” Ryland walked through his everyday routine on screen. He showed Simon the diner he liked to eat at, the school he taught at, the university he attended, the different parks he’d like to visit, as well as some famous areas of the city. Ryland’s eyes flickered over to Simon every few moments to gauge his reactions.
It seemed like the dark-haired man liked the beach the best.
Really, Simon was impressed with just about everything he was looking at. The idea that so many people could all live in one area and have enough resources to go around was mind-blowing. His brown eyes hardly left the screen.
Ryland enjoyed watching the other man’s reactions. “What do you know about Earth, exactly? What did they tell you up there?” he asked.
Simon’s eyebrows furrowed a little in thought as he tried to remember what he had been taught over the years.
“Well, we had some really old books they preserved in a special capsule on Mars. The leaders would bring it out every year to celebrate the success of the colony, so I know a little bit. I know that the Mars colonies were started by Americans, specifically NASA, around 50 years before Earth became uninhabitable. I know the main 7 continents, but I don’t know the names of the majority of the countries down there, or what the landscape looked like. There were a few maps, some photos of the spaceship’s first few missions, and pictures of the founders inside. They named a few countries in the book that either helped collaborate on the project, or were strongly against it, but mostly, the books just talked about the founders of the colony and what heroes they were for saving humanity from extinction. Sounds a bit similar to your story.”
Oh. It did sound awfully similar to Ryland’s story. “Earth is dying, and we need to come up with a way to save humanity! It’s our only hope! Whoever comes up with a solution will be hailed as a hero!” Yes, well, at least those astronauts had 50 years to figure out a solution! At least they got a chance to come back to Earth and have multiple missions! At least they were actually successful in their mission and not left to wonder if they took too long in space and everyone on Earth died a terribly slow death!!! At least they got to see themselves be hailed by the whole world!
Ryland sat up in the fort as hot, angry tears threatened to spill from his eyes any second now. He ripped his glasses off and turned away from Simon. He didn’t need to see this. He didn’t need to subject him to all the baggage Ryland was carrying. Simon already had enough on his plate, the scientist definitely didn’t need to go adding more to it. He shifted his weight, moving his legs to stand so he could go calm himself down somewhere else.
He felt a hand catch his, pulling him back so he couldn’t run away, but the hand retracted quickly, as if it didn’t mean to reach out in the first place.
Ryland turned to look over at Simon. The other man was turning his face away, his long hair covering his eyes.
“…did I do something wrong…?” The voice was so soft, Ryland easily could’ve missed it.
“What? No, absolutely not! You didn’t do anything wrong at all, Simon! Why would you think that?” Ryland fully turned his body to kneel beside the other man.
“It’s just…you’re running away again, like you did earlier. Was it something I said? Am I the reason you’re running away?” A lump was forming in Simon’s throat.
Ryland was such a coward. Here he was running away when his emotions became too much, and he didn’t know how to deal with them. He was a coward for this, a coward for running away earlier, and a coward for not being honest about the food situation. He has been a coward his whole life. Ryland knew exactly who he was. Even Stratt knew. He thought he had proved her wrong by being brave a few times on the mission, but look at what he was doing right now— running away again! And to make matters worse, he just made Simon feel like it was his fault!
He sat back down next to the dark-haired man, his eyes facing forward. He needed to clear up this misunderstanding. Simon didn’t deserve to feel guilty over Ryland’s incompetence.
“You didn’t do a single thing wrong. It’s me. I’ve been running away because I’m a coward.”
“What are you talking about? From what you’ve told me, you’re one of the bravest humans alive! You hopped on a one-way trip to save your planet—that doesn’t sound cowardly to me at all,” Simon defended.
The blonde-haired man still faced away from the other, his hands reaching up to wipe away at the few tears that started to fall, his voice cracking as he spoke.
“…I didn’t have a choice.”
“What do you mean?” Simon was sitting up now, he leaned forward as he tried to get a glimpse of Ryland’s face.
“I didn’t choose to come up here! They asked me to go, and I told them no! I couldn’t go! I wasn’t brave enough! I was a coward! I wasn’t an astronaut who had any training; I was just a molecular biologist who figured out what was going on with the astrophage! I never wanted to be the one going up to space to save humanity, I didn’t want to die! I wanted to live my years out on Earth, I wanted to keep teaching, I wanted to watch my students grow up and go onto bigger and better things! I didn’t want to give up my life!!!” Ryland began to cry.
Simon wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. All he could do was listen as Ryland spoke.
“Eva Stratt—she had me as her backup plan all along. She knew that I was figuring out astrophage faster than anyone else, she knew I was the leading expert on the matter. She knew the only way for the mission to possibly work was to send an astrophage expert up in space. So she had me teach two other astronauts everything I knew…” Ryland choked on his sobs, he took a moment to catch his breath before he continued.
“But there was an accident…the two astronauts I was training were dead, and the mission couldn’t be delayed any longer. The Hail Mary had to launch. Eva brought me into her office and asked me to go. She made it seem like I actually had a choice! When I told her no, she said I had to! I threatened to sabotage the mission, and she had the security officers chase me down and tackle me. They drugged me and put me in jail.”
Ryland pressed his eyes into the palms of his hands, his body shaking as he sobbed.
“And th-then…when I finally woke up…I couldn’t remember anything. I couldn’t remember my entire life, and you want to know why? Because Stratt purposely gave me amnesia so that I wouldn’t remember anything about the mission. She knew if she made me forget my life, then I wouldn’t be able to sabotage anything. She knew that when my memories eventually came back, I’d have gotten way too invested in the whole thing to try and sabotage it. And the worst part about it all was that she was right! She was right about everything! She was right about me being a coward, she was right about me getting too invested! She was right about the fact that I had no excuse not to go!”
“…I’m not a hero, I’m a coward. I was willing to let billions of people die because I was too afraid to go. My cowardice was going to make me a killer, but all I could think about was how much I just wanted to live,” he cried out.
Then, Ryland felt a hand on his back, the same gesture he gave Simon a few days ago. The hand slowly rubbed up and down his back as the scientist tried to pull himself together.
Now the dark-haired man understood why Ryland said he knew what Simon was going through. He was also all alone! He was also missing his home and wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to get back. And while Ryland didn’t know it, he was the same as Simon; cast aside and sacrificed for the greater good—personal choice be damned. They were both sent for the slaughter, odds stacked against them, but somehow they managed to make it out alive.
The hand on Ryland’s back wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was Simon.
“It must’ve been so hard…I’m so sorry you had to suffer through all of that. I know what you’re going through, you’re not alone. It’s ok to cry,” the dark-haired man reassured, repeating the same words Ryland had given him. “I’m here for you.”
Ryland felt like he was going to break down all over again simply by how good it felt to feel another human’s touch. God, he didn’t know how much he had missed this—to have someone just sit and listen to him, to tell him it was all going to be ok, to reassure him he wasn’t alone. He had been starving for this.
Simon’s hand gripped the back of Ryland’s neck, guiding the bespectacled man to look at him. Brown eyes stared into blue as they continued to fill up with tears, and somehow Simon thought it was the most beautiful sight. To see Ryland be so vulnerable and honest about his feelings, was it possible to look any better?
Simon was falling, he knew he was. He was falling down, down, down into the ocean that was Ryland’s eyes, and he didn’t want to stop. The waves were crashing violently as he felt the blue water fill his lungs—and all he wanted to do was drown in the color. He wanted to sink to the bottom of the sea, and stay there forever. Simon knew at this moment his heart was immensely, incredibly, and extremely fucked.
The moment ended all too soon as Rocky rolled into the room.
“Grace leaking why why why, question? Rocky tell Simon to help Grace so why Grace cry, question?”
Ryland sniffled as he turned to look over at the Eridian. “Don’t worry, Rock, Simon helped out plenty. Think I just really needed a good cry,” he glanced over at the other man and shot him a small smile. Oh, Ryland had no idea what he was doing to Simon’s heart right now.
“…Grace still need time alone, question?” Rocky rolled a bit closer toward the pillow fort.
“No…no more alone time. I’m really sorry, bud, I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier. I know you were just trying to help, but I let myself get too frustrated, and I lashed out at you when I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t fair of me to treat you that way. I am so, so sorry…Do you think you can forgive me…?”
“….”
“…Rocky forgive Grace.”
Ryland sighed in relief. “Thank you, Rocky. Next time I get frustrated like that, I promise I won’t yell at you. That wasn’t cool of me. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.” Ryland outstretched his arms, gesturing for Rocky to give him a hug.
Rocky rolled over and allowed Ryland to wrap his arms around the xenonite ball, the Eridian making sure he pressed his carapace up against where the human’s chest was. He sang a happy tune as the two of them made up.
“To make it up to you, I’ll let you pick for our next movie night.”
“Rocky want to watch Rocky!”
“You got it, bud.” Ryland smiled as he squeezed Rocky’s shield a little bit tighter.
It wasn’t long until the three of them settled (crammed) into the pillow fort and spent the rest of the day playing different videos on screen. Ryland was determined to show off the very best parts of Earth.
Eventually, Ryland could feel himself growing tired, his energy well spent on crying today. One single yawn was all it took for Rocky to start ordering everyone to go to bed.
“Grace yawn so Grace must sleep! Simon go sleep so Simon heal! It is human bedtime, statement!”
“Alright, alright, alright, you’re probably right this time, I am pretty exhausted, in all honesty,” Ryland agreed.
“Rocky sense things in humans that humans not see. Rocky never wrong, statement.”
Simon got up from the pillow fort, making his way towards the door as he bid the other two goodnight. Ryland quickly followed him into the hallway, wanting to say one last thing before they turned in for the night.
“Hey, uh…” the scientist quickly caught the other’s attention. “I’m sorry for acting all weird earlier, but I just wanted to thank you for today. Just listening to me talk and letting me cry made me feel a million times better. I really, really appreciated it, Simon.”
The dark-haired man couldn’t stop the small curve of his lip. He replied, “I wasn’t sure if I really did all that much to help, I just repeated the words you told me. They helped me when I needed to hear them, so I thought it would help you too.”
“It did. Helped more than you know,” Ryland said as he returned a soft smile to Simon. “Well, goodnight. We’ll see you in the morning.”
The blonde-haired man turned back towards the Don’t Go Crazy room. He only got a few steps away before he heard the other man’s voice again.
“…Ryland?”
His head turned back.
“Yes?”
His blue eyes watched as the other man fidgeted a little, the dark-haired man’s head turned away slightly so as to not make eye contact.
“You and Rocky slept in the dorm before I showed up, right?”
“That’s right.”
“…I’m sorry for scaring you before, I just didn’t know how I felt about you two watching me sleep. It made me feel suspicious of you guys, but…I don’t feel that way anymore.”
“Hey, I don’t blame you at all, not for a second! I’d be freaked out if a random stranger and an alien told me they had been watching me sleep too. You’ve done nothing wrong here, I promise. Rocky and I just wanted to respect your need for privacy, is all! We’re totally fine sleeping in the Don’t Go Crazy room.”
This was a lie. As much as Ryland loved sleeping in a pillow fort, he did miss a regular bed.
“…well, all I’m saying is you don’t have to. You and Rocky can come in whenever you want. I…wouldn’t mind the company. Just—maybe don’t make it obvious you’re watching me,” Simon said lightheartedly.
Ryland was a little stunned. Simon wanted him and Rocky to come back to the dorms? This was great progress! It was hard to hide the giddiness on his face, but he managed.
“It’s not really me, it’s mainly Rocky. As I said back then, it’s how the Eridians protect one another from predators. When they sleep, they’re completely defenseless; they can’t wake up quickly like we can if we hear something that alarms us. They’re extremely vulnerable, so they sleep in packs. Trust me, it was hard to get used to Rocky watching me sleep at first, but then I had to remember that I’m just as alien to him as he is to me. He deserves to feel safe sleeping at night, especially after…well, I’ll let him tell you that story some other time.”
Simon nodded in understanding. There was so much to learn about these two, especially Rocky. If it weren’t for the fact that he encountered monsters down in the blood ocean, he might have been a lot more excited to learn about the existence of Eridians. He was a bit disappointed that their first meeting was spoiled. Simon wanted to get to know Rocky better now.
Simon also admired the way Ryland cared about the Eridian so much. People on Eden weren’t kind the way Ryland was.
The blonde-haired man continued, “I promise I’ll have a talk with him about watching you sleep, we’ll set some boundaries. I’ll just ask that he only watches me. You deserve to feel safe while sleeping as well, and if you feel uncomfortable being watched, we’ll just have to work around it. We’re all stuck in here with one another for the next 4 years, so we might as well make the best of it, right?”
“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing to be stuck in here with you guys.”
“Well, it’s easy to go a little crazy up here when it’s just the two of us.”
“Going crazy with you guys is better than going crazy alone…trust me.” Simon’s voice had a hint of sorrow behind it. Clearly, he was speaking from experience.
Ryland reached out, his hand pressing on Simon’s non-injured shoulder. “Well, I’m glad you’re here with us,” he said sincerely. “The three of us are going to have a good time going crazy together,” he chuckled.
Simon looked up, his breath catching in his throat as he drowned in Ryland’s eyes again. He gave a slight nod of his head and an appreciative smile to the bespectacled man. “…yeah, at least we’ll go crazy together. Sleep well, Ryland.” And with that, Simon turned away and began walking towards the dormitory.
All the scientist could do was stand there and watch as the other man walked out of his sight, his brain feeling fuzzy just from hearing Simon say his name. Cohabitation was going to prove to be very difficult if things kept up like this, he wasn’t sure his poor heart could handle it.
Tiredly stalking back towards the Don’t Go Crazy room, Ryland began to settle into the fort. He pulled the quilt around his body and lay his head on a pillow propped against Rocky’s xenonite ball. He closed his eyes, his thoughts immediately going over all the events that happened with Simon today. Jeez, Ryland was already so down bad for this man, it was pathetic.
“…”
“Why Grace heart beat so fast, question?”
Fuck.
