Pokeballs

This took me forever to make but I figured it’s probably a story worth telling, so here you go:My story (redux)Some of you may already know a lot about my story before I became a single dad. Therefore I won’t go into detail about my past, to those of you who want to know more of what led to this story you can find it somewhere on my blog with little effort. Anyhow, this is a new story, my story, a story of recovery.Back in February of this year I had my whole life turned upside down. After years of living with my ex-fiancee and having a beautiful daughter together she decided she no longer wanted to be with me. We lived by ourselves for years, when she left she took our daughter and I found myself completely alone coping with depression and anxiety. One of the things she told me before she left was that my weight gain throughout our relationship had caused her to fall out of love with me.This was me at the beginning of the relationship vs me after.

I couldn’t really blame her, I thought, I mean look at what happened to me. That was my train of thought for months after she left. But things changed during summer. After she lied to me and ditched on plans she had made for my birthday I tried taking my own life. Not for attention, I just had nothing left in me. It wasn’t the pain, it was the emptiness, the feeling of not being good enough.After a week in a psychiatric hospital I decided it was time for things to change. I decided I wanted to make a change. And if I couldn’t be good enough for her I could try to be good enough for me. So it started, august 2015 I began trying to lose weight for myself. 

I was actually really into it at first. I always took pictures of myself at the gym and posted them online hoping she would see. Deep down I still cared about her approval, despite her being a bad person towards me I still subconsciously did things for her. That all changed when I finally got to have my daughter back.

it was like all of the sudden the world no longer revolved around my ex or my depression, it revolved around my daughters smile and her big brown eyes.I started pushing myself further and people started to notice a change.But i wasn’t done yet, there was still a lot of negativity and resentment in my heart, and my journey wasn’t done yet.

So I kept going:

My favorite part of this whole thing is how my instagram feed has completely changed in tone as I’ve gotten happier with myself https://www.instagram.com/strangeparking/

v

And much like my instagram feed I’m no longer faded and monotone, I’m not drowning in self pity and wallowing in my failures or the things people said about me. Baby, I’m as colorful as the bright blue sky. This isn’t a success story, this is a recovery story, I’m still fighting, I’ll probably be fighting every day, but damn if I don’t look good doing it. And I owe it all to my beautiful daughter. For giving me something worth fighting for. I’m happier now, after letting go of my attachment to the most toxic person in my life, I’m happy to say I haven’t done this for her, but for myself and my beautiful Charlie Rose.

This took me forever to make but I figured it’s probably a story worth telling, so here you go:My story (redux)Some of you may already know a lot about my story before I became a single dad. Therefore I won’t go into detail about my past, to those of you who want to know more of what led to this story you can find it somewhere on my blog with little effort. Anyhow, this is a new story, my story, a story of recovery.Back in February of this year I had my whole life turned upside down. After years of living with my ex-fiancee and having a beautiful daughter together she decided she no longer wanted to be with me. We lived by ourselves for years, when she left she took our daughter and I found myself completely alone coping with depression and anxiety. One of the things she told me before she left was that my weight gain throughout our relationship had caused her to fall out of love with me.This was me at the beginning of the relationship vs me after.

I couldn’t really blame her, I thought, I mean look at what happened to me. That was my train of thought for months after she left. But things changed during summer. After she lied to me and ditched on plans she had made for my birthday I tried taking my own life. Not for attention, I just had nothing left in me. It wasn’t the pain, it was the emptiness, the feeling of not being good enough.After a week in a psychiatric hospital I decided it was time for things to change. I decided I wanted to make a change. And if I couldn’t be good enough for her I could try to be good enough for me. So it started, august 2015 I began trying to lose weight for myself. 

I was actually really into it at first. I always took pictures of myself at the gym and posted them online hoping she would see. Deep down I still cared about her approval, despite her being a bad person towards me I still subconsciously did things for her. That all changed when I finally got to have my daughter back.

it was like all of the sudden the world no longer revolved around my ex or my depression, it revolved around my daughters smile and her big brown eyes.I started pushing myself further and people started to notice a change.But i wasn’t done yet, there was still a lot of negativity and resentment in my heart, and my journey wasn’t done yet.

So I kept going:

My favorite part of this whole thing is how my instagram feed has completely changed in tone as I’ve gotten happier with myself https://www.instagram.com/strangeparking/

v

And much like my instagram feed I’m no longer faded and monotone, I’m not drowning in self pity and wallowing in my failures or the things people said about me. Baby, I’m as colorful as the bright blue sky. This isn’t a success story, this is a recovery story, I’m still fighting, I’ll probably be fighting every day, but damn if I don’t look good doing it. And I owe it all to my beautiful daughter. For giving me something worth fighting for. I’m happier now, after letting go of my attachment to the most toxic person in my life, I’m happy to say I haven’t done this for her, but for myself and my beautiful Charlie Rose.