ana oop

I can make myself SKINNY

I made myself FAT

I can make myself SKINNY

I made myself FAT

I can make myself SKINNY

I made myself FAT

~i've met with the skinny girl from my high school for a coffee today, she looked at me and said "i wish my legs looked like that too, then i could wear shorts".

~i can wear crop tops now

~i can wear short jackets that end around my belly and don't look like a whale

~i have to poke holes in belts.

~i'm the one sitting on someone's lap when there's no seat in the back of the car. once my best friend told me my bones hurt his legs because they stick out too much.

~my crush from 8th grade texted me a few months ago saying i've changed so much and asking me if i'd wanna meet up with him. i'm still seeing him, he keeps saying i'm the best he ever had and he'll miss me so much when i go back to uni. he believes i'm way out of his league. me. the fat, ugly girl from 8th grade.

~almost every time i go out to buy clothes, sales people, especially the female ones, look at me with envy and get a little upset when i ask for a size bigger than xs.

~when relatives and family friends i haven't seen in a long time see me, i can see the shock on their face. that first stutter, dear god it makes me wanna lose another 70 lbs.

~once an old neighbour came to visit my aunt, she asked about her niece from years ago as "the really large little girl". i told her that it was me, she literally didn't believe me. my aunt had to show her pictures to make her believe.

~when people saw me and my sister together they used to think i was the older sister. now in the city i go to college, bouncers ask for my id because they don't believe i'm not underage.

~i know it's weird but my feet have gotten smaller. i used to wear a size 8 (38 in eu) and now my shoe size is 6,5 (37 in eu) and even 6 in heels. oh, i can wear heels now.

~i can buy clothes online now.

~i can always find my size in a shop or on the internet. sometimes only a few really small sizes of one item is left and it goes on to sale. and i can buy it for cheaper.

~my cheekbones cast a shadow on my face.

~when i see my old high school friends they tell me i look amazing and ask me how i lost all the weight and ask for tips.

~the boys i see keep lifting me up like i'm nothing, and they tell me i'm really light.

~i can eat outside now and people don't look at me with judging eyes.

~fishnets look better on me now.

~knee socks look way better on me now.

~i can wear colors other than black.

~i made a list of boys i had a crush on who didn't even look at me for a second time. there were 9 guys on that list. i crossed off 6 of them. i even rejected two of 'em. they still text me sometimes. 6 down 3 to go.

~i couldn't even dream of a thigh gap before. i have one now. not a clearly defined thigh gap because my inner thighs are still big, but i'm getting there and i know i'm so close.

~my hipbones stick out when i lay down or even when standing up. they don't appear under jeans but i look forward to it.

~the first thing people say about me when they see me is usually that i'm tiny. it used to be "ew"

~once i saw a really cute bracelet. my sister and her husband were there with me. i tried the bracelet on and it was too big and he said "your wrists almost doesn't exist"

~veins on my hands and arms are really visible

my thighs are still fat and i have a belly. i still have a long way to go until i hit my ugw. but i promise you the process will be worth it. i know it. i've seen it. hell, i lived it. it took me almost two years on and off to get to where i am now. and many gym hours. i've suffered from major depressive disorder, body dysmorphia and bulimia. still under treatment for depression and ed. please be patient and stay safe. you can -and please do- message me anytime you want. i'm here to give you all the support people didn't give me.

me: *chugs 0 calorie drink*

stomach: thank god