This Ghost

What do you mean top surgery won't make me a top?

Dear Santa, you can come down my chimney and drink my milk anytime

Santa is grown and he can get the milk from the fridge himself. Food safety is important y'all

No. Bed, Bath, and Beyond did not go out of business, they're just all sold out of beds and baths

Hit me up on pictochat you coward

I am a machine that turns being sleepy into being less sleepy

I'd like to give back all the secrets I'm keeping. They're starting to smell. If I'm keeping your secret, please come pick it up in 48 hours or I'm gonna start spilling them all over the veranda

I keep my sperm in an offshore bank for tax reasons

Oh dang, that game's craaazy. Have you beaten ma?

POV you're me getting consensually choked by you after a healthy discussion of our kinks, but all we can think about as my vision fades is what food we're gonna order after this

Potato executives invented burlap sacks after being inspired by your dad's balls

The fatherly urge to call literally anything by its full name.

Reading is for chumps.

Little orphan Annie was so poor she was betting the dollars right off of bottoms

My primary defence mechanism is pretending I'm trying, with little success, to get a hair out of my mouth

You scream your frustrations into a pillow to relieve stress. I do it to fill my pillow with energy that I use to dominate my opponents in pillow fights. We are not the same

Jack of all dicks, master of cum