Miss Red

Last year I finally got sick of the narcissistic and cruel behavior from the guy I called my boyfriend - we’ll call him Jim-. After dumping him we tried being friends. That didn’t work. He still tried to act like he owned me and told me what I was going to do. I wanted to just cut all ties with him and had decided to start going out with other guys. (This is 2 months after braking up). Jim wasn’t liking the idea of not have contact with me and started stalking me. I went on a date with a guy from one of my math classes and Jim shows up and attempts to scrutinize me, calling me names and accusing me of cheating. (Remember me saying we broke up 2 months prior?). The stalking proceeds and even worsens. Now Jim is tracking down my car in the parking lot at my University. He even walks around my house and follows me when I leave to go see friends. I feel unsafe and scared that he may do something to me. What if he follows me and beats me or rapes me or pins me down and kills me. That is all I can think when I leave the house. I’m looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. I can’t walk to my car alone after class. By this point I file for a restraining order. I have to just sit around twiddling my thumbs as I’m waiting for approval of this little piece of paper as it took 2 weeks. It was approved but I’m not in the clear yet. Then it was just waiting for him to be served. Another week.... My dad had talked to a family friend who is on the police department. He took it upon himself to serve the order the following day. (Bless this mans soul). I felt such relief but I continued to look over my shoulder. Two months went by and I heard nothing. Then two more and I received a large package. It was from Jim. However, I didn’t know until after I open it and read the letter inside. He tells me that he got the protection order lifted two months ago and that now we can be together! I’m shaking in fear as I rush to pull up the county website and search for the order. There it was. The order was dismissed with no notes as to why. I call the police and they can’t do anything. I call the court house and played one-sided phone tag for a month, never knowing how it got dismissed without my knowing and if I can get it back. At this point I move out of town and in with a friend who lives in a neighboring town. I struggling to focus on my schooling as  I file for a new order. Again it was approved but this time in 2 days. It was maybe two weeks when he petitions to dismiss the order again but this time I get 3 letters of notice and we have a hearing. The hearing was apparently with the same judge he met with behind my back last time. The judge remembered the case and showed distaste for Jim and sided with me. After what felt like hours that was actually 15 minutes, the judge says nothing Jim was saying applied to the case and seeing that Jim said he was “over the relationship and has let it go” that it was no issue to keep the order in place so he couldn’t attempt contact. That was it. I won. All I could think was “oh my God.” I was nearly in tears as the judge spoke those words. I began to shake and couldn’t breath. Was this all even real? After I shut my laptop (the hearing was on zoom because Corona time) I bawl. I cried until I couldn’t breath or see. My dad was with me and he held me as I sobbed. “I won” is all I could say. And even though I felt relief that the order would remain in place, I still check over my shoulder when I’m out and I no longer shop alone when I’m in my home town. I’m still with the guy I went out with when Jim crashed the date. I am ever in love with this man who not only lets me be me and doesn’t control me but he treats me like I’m the only woman in the world. It’s crazy to think about the crap I’ve put up with in a relationship and seeing how wonderfully a man can treat me when I’m with the right one. Even though I know I found my future husband, I still check over my shoulder when I’m alone. Having this wonderful man I have now hasn’t erased the fear and pain I used to feel, he just makes it easier to bare and he’s right there with me when I feel that pain resurface.

Nearly a year ago I started dating my current boyfriend. We’ve had a ton of fun together, going on road trips, bike rides, and just seeing each other almost everyday. I have been head over heels for him, which says a lot because I’m not the girl that usually posts sappy boyfriend related stuff or just loves to spend much time with anyone. I’m a strong, independent, intelligent young woman. I have goals and am taking the steps to achieve them. Him and I have had fun and it’s been easy for us. Until about mid-march. For some reason I’ve noticed people he follows online. Most of them are celebrities and people he knows. But some are those girls that post thong bikini pics and sometimes don’t have tops. I’ve attempted to tell him I don’t like that he follows those types of people and he doesn’t get it. I don’t know how to help him understand or if he even wants too. It got to the point that he removed me as a follower (still friends on Facebook) and wont let me refollow, so the petty me removed him too. He acts like nothing is wrong and when I’m upset that I’m trying to start a fight. I’m not. I’ve dealt with and witnessed a lot in my life. On top of it, my faith has part in why I feel so strongly against it. Matthew 5:28 says “a man that even looks at a woman in lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  and it pulls at me that him looking at these girls is him being unfaithful to me even though i KNOW he’d never actually do anything with another girl. He thinks looking and liking is ok, as long as he doesn’t comment or message. I don’t agree. The unfaithfulness starts at who you decide to follow and make the effort to like her nearly naked photos. He also has this particular friend I’ve asked him to remove and he flat refused. He had a photo of her in his tablet that he has screenshot ( I didn’t mean to see, I was just playing on it.) He’s also lied to me about having feelings in the past for one of his “best friends”. I know because i saw the message of him asking why they never went out. I adore him, but my heart hurts.