It’s been a while...
Wow, I haven’t posted on here in a long time. So, I suppose I’ll get you up to speed.
Last year I finally got sick of the narcissistic and cruel behavior from the guy I called my boyfriend - we’ll call him Jim-. After dumping him we tried being friends. That didn’t work. He still tried to act like he owned me and told me what I was going to do. I wanted to just cut all ties with him and had decided to start going out with other guys. (This is 2 months after braking up). Jim wasn’t liking the idea of not have contact with me and started stalking me. I went on a date with a guy from one of my math classes and Jim shows up and attempts to scrutinize me, calling me names and accusing me of cheating. (Remember me saying we broke up 2 months prior?). The stalking proceeds and even worsens. Now Jim is tracking down my car in the parking lot at my University. He even walks around my house and follows me when I leave to go see friends. I feel unsafe and scared that he may do something to me. What if he follows me and beats me or rapes me or pins me down and kills me. That is all I can think when I leave the house. I’m looking over my shoulder everywhere I go. I can’t walk to my car alone after class. By this point I file for a restraining order. I have to just sit around twiddling my thumbs as I’m waiting for approval of this little piece of paper as it took 2 weeks. It was approved but I’m not in the clear yet. Then it was just waiting for him to be served. Another week.... My dad had talked to a family friend who is on the police department. He took it upon himself to serve the order the following day. (Bless this mans soul). I felt such relief but I continued to look over my shoulder. Two months went by and I heard nothing. Then two more and I received a large package. It was from Jim. However, I didn’t know until after I open it and read the letter inside. He tells me that he got the protection order lifted two months ago and that now we can be together! I’m shaking in fear as I rush to pull up the county website and search for the order. There it was. The order was dismissed with no notes as to why. I call the police and they can’t do anything. I call the court house and played one-sided phone tag for a month, never knowing how it got dismissed without my knowing and if I can get it back. At this point I move out of town and in with a friend who lives in a neighboring town. I struggling to focus on my schooling as I file for a new order. Again it was approved but this time in 2 days. It was maybe two weeks when he petitions to dismiss the order again but this time I get 3 letters of notice and we have a hearing. The hearing was apparently with the same judge he met with behind my back last time. The judge remembered the case and showed distaste for Jim and sided with me. After what felt like hours that was actually 15 minutes, the judge says nothing Jim was saying applied to the case and seeing that Jim said he was “over the relationship and has let it go” that it was no issue to keep the order in place so he couldn’t attempt contact. That was it. I won. All I could think was “oh my God.” I was nearly in tears as the judge spoke those words. I began to shake and couldn’t breath. Was this all even real? After I shut my laptop (the hearing was on zoom because Corona time) I bawl. I cried until I couldn’t breath or see. My dad was with me and he held me as I sobbed. “I won” is all I could say. And even though I felt relief that the order would remain in place, I still check over my shoulder when I’m out and I no longer shop alone when I’m in my home town. I’m still with the guy I went out with when Jim crashed the date. I am ever in love with this man who not only lets me be me and doesn’t control me but he treats me like I’m the only woman in the world. It’s crazy to think about the crap I’ve put up with in a relationship and seeing how wonderfully a man can treat me when I’m with the right one. Even though I know I found my future husband, I still check over my shoulder when I’m alone. Having this wonderful man I have now hasn’t erased the fear and pain I used to feel, he just makes it easier to bare and he’s right there with me when I feel that pain resurface.
