THE UNKNOWN DIVINE

She had a smile on her face that told the world she was in love with you, that nothing could bring her down as long as she was with you.

But things changed, people changed.

it was no longer your job to carry the weight of Abby's sins on your shoulders.

Now it was Owen's job, who would be assisted by the white slippers that Abby had found in her late mother's closet.

And all you could do was watch.

Watch as Abby became the wife of some man she had promised to never marry in a field full of daisys.

Watch as Abby smiled through the ceremony and kissed Owen like you had never existed in her life—like you hadn't promised your heart to her.

Watch through the eyes of somebody else as she found yours through a sea of people and her smile warped into one of guilt.

—You smiled and nodded every time someone asked you, "aren't they perfect?"

But you could barely stand to look at them, or else, the makeup on your face would end up in ruins—just like your relationship with Abby had.

"Y/n-"No. No, no, no, not Abby's father.."- Look at you! The last time I saw you, Abby and you were graduating college!" Jerry smiled and pulled you into a tight hug, as if he was trying to squeeze all the sadness out of you with it.

"How are you doing?" He asked, patting your back.

You put on your best fake smile, finding the courage to make it seem believable. "Okay, I guess. What about you?"

Jerry replied. "I'm glad to hear you're doing okay, I'm fine, as well-Physically, of course. On the outside, I'm an emotional wreck-"

Me too, Jerry.

"—I can't believe my little girl is married."

And there was your reminder, that Abby Anderson was no longer yours to keep.

No longer allowed to be the one star that shined too bright in your eyes as you stared up at the sky.

You frowned, looking back at the sweetheart table that obnoxiously featured Owen handfeeding Abby cake from his plate.

Your shoulders shrugged without your consent. "Yeah, I...I never pictured her getting married, Y'know?"

"I'm surprised that Abby chose Nora as her best woman—Abby and you were so close...she talked about you all the time, over the phone, and when she came home to visit too."

Your eyebrows furrowed, your 11's becoming noticeable as you stared at Jerry.

"She did?"

He watched Abby take the dance floor with Owen as Sleeping At Last's Turning Page played; The bride & Groom's first dance.

"Abby talked about you for hours over the phone, it was like you had hung the moon for her—It's funny, The way Owen looks at her, was the way Abby looked, when talking about you, y/n."

The back of your throat burned—You couldn't process the remainder of Jerry's words as the sight of Owen and Abby dancing blurred beyond the point of recognition.

Abby had talked about you? To Jerry?

Even after everything?

Your hands felt cold as you touched your face, wiping away the tears that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Every moment from that last summer replayed in your head—it weakened your knees and the wall behind you was barely enough to keep you from falling.

You swallowed the hurt that was rising from your chest, again and again, like your mind was supposed to magically get rid of it.

But like everything else in your life, it won and forced you to excuse yourself to the bathroom.

You barely made it, collapsing in the private bathroom as the hurt finally came out of your mouth, barely reaching the toilet in milliseconds.

The sobs left your throat in awkward pauses between the bile, the sage green dress you wore was only a dark reminder of the hell you were stuck in.

The matching initial hand towels were worse.

You vomited thrice.

One for the regret of that last summer.

one for the special occasion.

And one from the mere fantasy you had conjured up in your head, that included you replacing Owen on the dance floor for Abby's first dance.

Your heels had been kicked off long ago, spread out across the white tile like a mockery of your mental state, a quid pro quo that added to the oh so romantic thoughts in your head.

"y/n...are you in there?" You shivered over the toilet, goosebumps appearing on your

"It's a—it's me."

b's note: #baby's first abby fic!! with # slight (big) comphet! abby... anyways I'm surprised at how good this turned out, especially since I wrote this on a WHIM while listening to music at 1 am😭so that's why it's more in reader's perspective than anything else, and just mentionsbof abby's behavior! please do tell me what you think about this, even if i say it's a whim, cause I love hearing feedback! I am EXTREMELY sick tho so it will take me a hot minute to read thru all asks😭

You stared at Ellie from across the apartment, refusing to blink, even when your vision was blurred with tears. The kitchen light that Ellie was under showed her guilt, like she was starring in a play about fucking everything up.

Your charger still sat plugged into the wall beside her bed, and the shampoo from her shower was still fresh in your hair—when Ellie suddenly decided to end you like it meant nothing.

"You don't think?" Your voice cracked under the weight of reality. "Ellie, look around us." You spread your arms towards her apartment like it was some sort of evidence.

"This whole fucking thing is a relationship, els. I stay here every weekend without fail, and your friends call me your girlfriend—and you don't correct them, because you want it to happen."

Ellie's jaw tightened, and you sucked in a shaky breath—trying to stop the anger that was clawing its way out of your chest before it consumed you whole.

"but the second it becomes real, the second that I actually ask what the hell we are—you 'don't think it's what you want?'"

"Y/n—"

"No—"You shook your head. "No—don't do that. Don't act confused, Ellie."

The tone of your voice lost control as you went on.

"You think Dina doesn't see it? You think she stopped flirting with you because she suddenly found Jesse more interesting than you?"

A bitter laugh escaped your lips without even meaning to. "Dina stopped because she saw me with you—because she saw the way you looked at me and thought that you weren't heartless enough to fake 'whatever' we are. "

Ellie scoffed at you, her face blushing red instantly.

"you don't know what you're talking about, y/n."

"Oh, I know exactly what I'm talking about, Ellie." Your chest heaved. "Everybody does." And your tears finally spilled over.

You pointed towards the framed photo on the shelf, a photo of Dina grinning beside Cat, Ellie had shoved it halfway behind a stack of records—like hiding it somehow made her lingering attachment to Dina, less obvious.

"Everybody sees how fucking pathetic you are for her, Ellie!"

Ellie's expression turned cold.

"Shut up."

"No, you shut the fuck up, Ellie." Your voice shook angrily now. The anger and heartbreak tangling together until it became one feeling, that you could barely breath through.

"if Dina told you to jump, you would ask how high before your feet even left the fucking ground."

"that's not true."

"Oh, that's bullshit." you shouted. "you're still in love with her, Ellie. You revolve your whole life around whether or not Dina might finally look at you the way...—I look at you!"

Ellie dragged both hands through her auburn hair with a frustrated groan, pacing around the kitchenette once before turning back around.

"you sound fucking crazy right now."

You laughed at Ellie. A laugh that sounded so ugly and so broken to even be yours in the first place. Tears slid down your face even faster, forgotten by the coldness of the apartment.

"Crazy? You wanna know what's crazy, Ellie? Letting somebody hold you every night, kiss you like they mean it, tell you that they need you, and still acting shocked that they fell in love with you."

Ellie looked away.

"—and then letting everybody see that you would destroy anybody who gets close to you.. just to keep chasing someb—Dina, who doesn't even love you back."

Ellie suddenly snapped. "Shut the fuck up, it's not my fault that you're in love with me!"

And Ellie breathed in hard, like she knew it was useless to protect herself, but Ellie's ego kept her from just standing there and taking it. "I don't know why you expected me to give a shit." She muttered.

something inside of you screamed, like a dog that had a loud bark and a deep bite to accompany its naturalistic sound.

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" You asked.

"You met my fucking parents, Ellie!" You jabbed a finger into her chest." You. asked. to. meet. them." You enunciated every word with another finger jab to Ellie's chest.

Ellie opened her mouth to defend herself again, but you didn't stop for her.

"You held my hand at dinner. You kissed me in front of them. You slept in my childhood bedroom with me wrapped around you, and looked me in the eyes to tell me that you saw a future with me."

Ellie's face twisted with frustration and borderline disgust. "Jesus christ, y/n, that's called acting!" She shouted. "You're so fucking stupid for not knowing the difference!"

For a second, all you could do was breathe—and then the rage inside of you exploded so violently that all you could do was scream.

"Oh, I'm stupid?" You screamed. "at least I'm not some desperate fucking loser sitting around, waiting for fucking Dina like a fucking dog that was abandoned on the side of the road!"

"Fuck you, y/n!"

"No, fuck YOU!" You grabbed the nearest pillow off the couch and hurled it at Ellie's head. "You use people, Ellie! You take every fucking ounce of love they give you and throw them away, the SECOND that you get fucking scared."

You stormed into the bedroom before Ellie could get another word in.

"Where the fuck are you going?!" Ellie yelled after you, but you kept moving.

“Anywhere but here!”

Your hands shook violently as you yanked open drawers and started shoving your clothes into your weeken bag. Shirts. Socks. The hoodie you left here three months ago and so on.

You crammed everything in without folding any of it.

Your toothbrush was still damp from this morning beside her sink. You grabbed it and tossed it into the bag without another thought.

"y/n—"

"Don't start." Your voice came out cold, making Ellie freeze as you zipped the bag so hard that the sound cut through the tense room like a butcher knife.

Ellie's eyes were glassy, red around the the edges.

And for one horrible, ignorant second...it looked like she wanted to stop you, but you swallowed hard, gripping the strap of your bag so tightly that your knuckles turned snow white.

You shoved past Ellie's shoulder hard enough to make her stumble, new tears stinging at your eyes as you stormed through the apartment, and yanked the front door open.

"I hope you like Jesse's leftovers."

B's note: WHEN THE ONE IDEA THAT YOU'VE BEEN REWRITING FOR MONTHS FINALLY CLICKS AND IT STILL DOESN'T SOUND GOOD BUT AT LEAST YOU FINISHED IT AND CAN POST IT😭😭😭😭but on a serious note, I legitimate have been stuck in like null zone of my brain for MONTHS, especially with my university finals that I just finished doing. I'm so grateful to make it through another semester.

I'm even more grateful to be back on tumbld and invest time in my hobbies, even if it means rewriting the same thing a bunch of time!! I'm really hoping that you guys (HOPEFULLY) enjoyed this solo fic that I've been working on since forever in time. Feel free to lmk what you think in the replies or reblogs... it's always appreciated!