Things My Ballet Teachers Say

“Please tell me why you thought the combo was on flat, IS LIFE ON FLAT??”

"Use your brains, ladies!"

"If one more girl asks why she doesn't have a pancake tutu I'll make sure you'll all be lying on the floor like dead pancakes after adagio!" (In response to girls asking why only two people got pancake tutus for Paquita)

"See? You aren't bad dancers, you're just lazy."

You will stand in fifth until I tell you to move. I don't care if you have a bat in your hair or a spider crawling on you, you will stand in fifth and you will love it.

"If that's a straight line then I'm Marilyn Manson!"

"Get on all fours." "Now I know that you all love the floor, now kiss it goodbye and never look at it again!" "YES I said to kiss the f****** floor!" *in response to us looking down*

Stop turning out only from your feet. They haven't invented the exorcist ballet yet, where the dancers feet spin all the way around 360.

"Nothing warms my cold, cold soul quite like a decently executed petite allegro."

Don't look up at the ceiling! God can't help you; he is too busy with starving children.

Hold your arms in first position like you are cradling a giant lemon!

If you fall it's okay, the floor will catch you.

If you go wrong, don’t say “fuck.” Ballet is a silent art. Mouth “fuck.”

“Would you take a beautiful diamond and throw it in the trash? Because that’s what you do when I give you a correction.”

"I know it’s almost thanksgiving but that doesn’t mean you can plié like you’re trying to be the turkey!"

“EVERYONE STOP DABBING!”