i habitually repeat lines

I just took a DNA test. It turns out.. you're 100% dead.

Problematically stiff, like puberty.

I got the instructions off a Wiccan Tumblr.

I'm a puzzle. An enigma. A Rubik's cube with pants.

Talk bigly and drink a big dick.

Mama always said never trust a fart, never turn down head, and never waste a boner.

Every day we stray further from god's light and more into fkn adult CoCoMelon.

I think physical labor tastes good.

I ate ten day old meatloaf and puked so hard I broke blood vessels in my eyes. And you might be thinking, "Oh man, was this back in college?" Nah, this was last year. I'm just stupid.

Listen, this is going to be one hell of a bowel movement. Afterwards, he'll be lucky if he has any bones left.

I got bitch slapped back into eternity. I got bitch slapped back in time!

Put some mistletoe on my butt and kiss it, Bob.

It's like fine cognac with a hint of aged scrotum.

STINKPIG!

Hi, my name is Markiplier and I am very tired.

He's not my friend, he's my brother. And he's an idiot.