A 90’s FAT KID’S GUIDE TO THE GREATEST CHILDHOOD FOOD MOMENTS
They say that smell invokes the most memories but for us chub-rubbing 20-something-year-olds, we beg to differ. When thinking back to the greatest television and film era of our time (the 90’s) the first thing I think about, and I have all the faith in the world that you do too, is about what in the fuck they were eating. Here’s a throwback that will leave your taste buds so nostalgic for more you’ll probably go buy the overpriced VHS of Good Burger on Amazon.
What my generation would have given for a real Reptar Bar. Start production now and we can probably pull America out of debt by 2023.
Probably the most memorable food fight known to 90’s kids. The only way to summon bowls of neon frosting out of thin air now is….acid.
Aladdin giving bread to two children who look mysteriously like him. Also known as: Aladdin pays child support.
Winnie the Pooh
Now I know this might be a little past our time but just tell me you didn’t wonder what that honey tasted like. Best guess: Taco Bell Nacho Cheese.
Little foot
Alternative title: Little Foot Gets High
Mary Poppin’s medicine, also known as WHISKEY.
Oh great, and he has a fucking McDonalds too? What does Richie Rich have now though really? Diabetes.
Casper
Calories mean nothing when you don’t have a body. Or a soul.
Let’s face it. We’re all a little let down with life because our dishes don’t come to life and serve us food. Enrique, the pizza guy does, and you have to pay him.
Why we all laid our bikes behind strangers cars in hopes that we too would become Mr. Macintosh.
Why every kid wished they lived in an orphanage attic.
Why we still have an odd fascination with Cheez Wiz. Pauly Shore, not so much.
Rock-A-Doodle-Do
All Dogs Go To Heaven
Charlie knew what the fuck was up. Brought his orphan dogs pizza, did a little dance and then passed out. Charlie was drunk.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Never underestimate the power of four stoned turtles.
Jello boxes should basically come with a “May bring Raptors" warning.
Honey, I Shrunk The Kids
Honey Boo Boo’s ultimate dream.
Nightmare Before Christmas
Doug
Doug discovers the joys of menstruating.
Now and Then
Teeny explains how the Wormers are respectable young men. Especially Devon Sawa.
James and the Giant Peach
I didn’t really care how much the peach tasted so much as how the DIRT WORM did.(Hotdogs?)
Flubber. Not a food, just looks like food. The fat kid tease of 90’s movies.
Why you ate your Grandma’s yarn.
Good Burger
With the recent approval of gay marriage spreading like wildfire through the U.S. of A, we are proud to announce that Kenan and Kel can finally get married.
I’m surprised there hasn’t been a cake shop opened called “Brucey’s Cakes." They could have Trunchbull Tarts, Matilda Macaroons and Danny-and-Rhea-Divorced-Desserts filled with tears.
Besides having an eerie resemblance to a smaller, hairier Rodney Dangerfield, the little brother in Teen With makes a mean stoner pizza.
Why 90% of the population has the urge to lick Robin Williams’s face. Regardless of frosting.
When we all secretly wished Kirstie Alley was our mom and not our exercise inspiration.
Let’s take a moment to pause and recognize how fucking cool it is that Chris Farley was on this show. Besides the fact that he ruined Kenan’s cake with ketchup.
I thought they had finally made a scientific breakthrough and developed edible scrunchies. This is what I thought a corsage was until age 11 thanks to Harry & the Hendersons.
They’re just getting sick from the ride, right Dad? I mean, they wouldn’t have taken any illegal substances, right?
Mickey’s Jack and the Bean Stalk
Also known as Mickey, Donald and Goofy’s “College Years.”
Why you wish you’d have your parents send you to Fat Camp.
Harriet the Spy
“Mom, I can’t help it if I know what I like.” Words of wisdom Michelle Trachtenburg. That’s probably why you got pregnant on Gossip Girl.
Alfalfa won Darla over when he gave her kitty litter sandwiches.
Not later, when he gave her a baby.
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
There are endless “PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH NOW” scenes throughout Willy Wonka however the one that I wanted to try the most – The creamy mushroom. I would have shoved Mike TV’s mom into the chocolate river to get a taste of that thing.
dededos
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