farmer’s market

when you settled in your bed, you were positioned so that your back was pressed against sugawara’s chest. the little spoon, if you will. the heat radiating from his chest onto your back could lull you to sleep in minutes. you reached back to hold his hands to find his fingers about a degree shy of freezing, holy god were his fingers cold. 

“sorry,” he whispered in your ear. “bad circulation, i guess,” he laughed, but he was actually nervous about making you cold wth them. poor guy. 

“that’s alright, here let me just–” you cut yourself off with the action of grabbing his hand and bringing it under your shirt to rest atop your belly. it only took a couple minutes for his fingers to warm up, but he wanted to keep his hand there. something about your plush skin being extremely comfortable. the two of you stayed in that position the entire night. grounded would be a good word to describe how you guys felt. 

in the darkness that these winter nights brought, you and sugawara were able to explore in more senses than one would imagine. for cutesy little date nights, the two of you would be able to explore the night sky. neither of you being well-versed in stars, you took it upon yourselves to name your own constellations after nonsensical things. 

during more of the nights sugawara would spend cozy behind you in bed, you guys would have these conversations about anything and everything at all. he learned most of what he knows about you on those nights, and you the same. on nights where the topics would be so complex, you would have to turn around to face him. even though it was dark, he could see the way your eyebrows would furrow with the passion you were speaking with. sugawara was always tempted to press a finger between the brows to smooth out the tension but he would wait until you were done talking as a means to not interrupt your flow. when he did so, he would make conversation with what you just told him, building on it or telling you how he felt about it in particular. it was on a particular dark night like that when he was massaging the inner corners of your eye brows when he said, 

“i love you”

for the first time. without hesitance you reciprocated with an, “i love you, koshi,” before placing a light kiss on his left cheek, his right cheek, and then finally his lips. not that it was the first kiss between you or anything, but sugawara can cherish every kiss as if it were the first–each one so very precious. the love you have for each other was also explored in other ways on those cold, dark winter nights. 

alas, it is time to say goodbye to such short and dark nights and welcome longer and brighter days. instead of heading to bed at the normal time the two of you do, you and sugawara light candles by your kitchen window to welcome the return of the light. oh, what days do the rest of the seasons have in store for you.  

.•° ✿ °•.

you tapped on his shoulder after the professor dismissed you guys after lecture, and when he turned around to face you, your eyes were filled with determination. 

“excuse me, kuroo-san, but i was wondering if you could help me with the prelab assignment before our next class? if you can’t–”

“i would love to, y/n!” he answers immediately. “are you free right now? i’m done with all my classes for today and i was on my way to the library.”

“yes, now is perfect,” you respond. 

you were only shy for a short while because he was that easy to be around. he never made you feel bad about not knowing certain things, and was able to explain them to you in ways that were never demeaning. when the assignment was finished and it was time to wait until the next class to see him, he asked you for your number. 

“if you’re comfortable, i would love to exchange numbers. i had a lot of fun doing this and i would love to help you with more chemistry assignments if you ever need,” he whispered to you.  

you hastily pulled out your phone from your back pocket to hand to him to put in his number. he typed in his contact information and shot himself a text so he could save your number in his phone. 

from: maybe y/n

-this is y/n!

“got it,” he announced. then he saved your number from there. 

after your session in the library, he was nice enough to walk you home after, considering it had gotten so dark and he didn’t want anything bad happening to you. it made the butterflies in your stomach go off like crazy. on the walk back to your place, the two of you were able to get to know each other more, asking the questions you do when you want to get to know someone. from what you learned, he also has a deep affinity for volleyball, dare i say deeper than his affinity for chemistry. you also learn about the friends he has made through volleyball, his favorite color, his favorite animal, and probably a lot of his other favorite things. he could say that he learned a lot about you, too. about how you had to talk chemistry this semester to fulfill a general requirement which is why you struggle the most in that class out of all of them. some other things to list that he’d learned about you were your passion for music even though you weren’t pursuing it, your favorite color, animal, and more of your favorite things. 

the both of you found yourselves sad when the walk to your house was over and wished it could have been a little longer. 

“thank you so much for your help today, kuroo-san. i really appreciate it,” you told him with utmost sincerity. 

“any time, y/n. let me know if you ever need help with anything else and i’ll be glad to.”

once you bid your ‘goodbye’s, you hoped and prayed you would need help with next week’s prelab assignment.   

lo and behold, not only the prelab assignment was a challenge, but the weekly writing assignment almost felt foreign to you. there was no way you could do this without kuroo’s help. 

to: kuroo tetsuro

-so sorry to bother you but can you help me with the prelab assignment again? 

from: kuroo tetsuro

-of course! how’s tuesday from 4pm-6pm?

to: kuroo tetsuro

-sounds good!

it kind of just took off from there. 

.•° ✿ °•.

over time, these study sessions became a weekly routine. every tuesday and thursday from four to six o’clock were dedicated hours to the two of you chalking it up about chemistry and whatever else came up. you became comfortable enough to give him updates about what was going on in your life and he did the same. like kuroo did everything, he questioned you. you liked being questioned because you felt like it meant that he cared. which wasn’t wrong. he really did care. 

why did you buy your chem notebook in red when science is the color green? what are you having for dinner later? do you have any more homework to do? how did you pick your major?... what are your plans this weekend? 

he would always ask that last question with hope, hoping you would say you had nothing to do and would die of boredom so then he could come rescue you from said boredom, because he knows you enjoy his company as much as he does yours. kuroo knew he was down bad when you told him you were busy, going out and doing all the other things college students do on weekends, and that response made him sad. made his tummy curl up in an unfamiliar and uncomfortable way. you are just so pretty, he knew for a fact that you could be swept up at any moment. and who knows, maybe you thought him a nerd for being so passionate about mostly chemistry. 

one faithful day, however, when he asked you what your plans were for the weekend, you gave the greatest answer of telling him you were doing absolutely nothing. not letting the opportunity pass itself by, he looks at you with determination, much like you did that one day you asked him for help, and said, 

“y/n.” 

“yes?”

“would you like to go out with me this weekend?” 

you could not believe your ears. mouth open, jaw on floor. 

“are you being serious,” you deadpanned. 

“the most serious i have ever been in my entire life, y/n.”

still shocked, jaw still on floor, you couldn’t help but stare at him for a minute or two… or five. 

“y/n?”

after blinking back into what’s the reality of kuroo tetsuro asking you out on a date, you give your answer.

“i would love to go out with you this weekend, kuroo-san.” 

now his mouth is open. jaw on floor because he cannot believe that you agreed to go out with him. after kind of just staring at each other for a little bit, he cleared his throat and was ready to speak again. 

“oh wow, ok, i did not prepare for this scenario to come this far,” curse him! “i can pick you up at your place on saturday at 5? does that sound good?” 

“ok,” you blush the tiniest bit, but kuroo picks up on the cutest shade of pink that lightly dusts your face. 

.•° ✿ °•.

after many a date, kuroo has come to learn many more things about you. he learns that your favorite flower changes with your mood– when you’re sad, you seek cosmos, when you’re happy, you seek dahlias, when you’re stressed, you seek poppies. he also learns that your favorite food changes with the weather, you’re always cold so he always carries another jacket, and a lot of other things that can’t bother to be listed by the author right now. 

when you guys had been dating for a few months, he learned that he loves you. probably always has and always will. after observing, he thinks you have learned to love him, too. he can feel it the way you gently caress the hand you’re holding on the walk back to your home. the way you text him “good morning” and “good night.” the way you still ask about chemistry even though you passed the godforsaken class and are not obligated to ever deal with it again. 

stopping in front of your door to drop you off, he guides your hand so that your bodies are facing one another and plants the softest kiss on your plush lips. the feeling still has you in shambles even though you guys have been kissing for almost as long as you have been dating. 

“i love you,” he confessed. 

“and i love you, tetsu’ ,” you return with ease. 

and that is the one thing kuroo will never need to question.

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

kuroo knows how down you’ve been, so he brought you out to brunch in hopes of getting your mind off things. the effort was sweet, but nothing really helped because absolutely everything reminded you of him. 

it makes sense because for so long, he was your everything. you can admit that it was exhausting thinking about oikawa 24/7 and correlating him to everything in your everyday life. but that’s just how things go when you love someone so much. you think about them, and you don’t stop. it’s like a switch you can never turn off. 

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

kuroo is a good friend. he knows that when you’re like this, it’s best if he’s patient and waits for you to talk it out. he tries his best to be engaged while you’re talking or even just trying to, but the words aren’t quite there yet. 

“maybe if i tried harder or something. or if i were more forgiving. if i didn’t have such a stick up my ass, we would still be together,” you blurted out. 

“don’t be silly, y/n. i saw you put all your effort into that relationship and it drained the shit out of you. don’t pin the relationship ending on yourself. oikawa fucked up, ok? what he did was unexcusable,” kuroo assures you. 

“but i fucked up, too. why didn’t he leave me when i fucked up? why was i the one to break up with him?”

“because the two of you messed up on different levels. oikawa has burned all the bridges of trust the two of you built while dating. that’s why you broke up with him. you needed to, y/n. there was no way of repairing that.”

“no, but i could’ve made it work–”

kuroo interrupt, “i’m sorry, y/n, but no. he is a liar and a cheat. please trust me when i say you did the right thing. i know it doesn’t feel like that right now because everything is so fresh, but it’s true. and i know i’m not the one to convince you of that, but please cut yourself some slack. and please don’t doubt yourself. you’re independent and strong and you don’t need that son of a bitch.”

his words actually cease your tears. and they hold you speechless. 

“you’ll be just fine, y/n.”

“thank you, tetsuro.”

the creativity that buzzes through your head needs to be written. so many beautiful thoughts and ideas turned into lovely little stories and poems for you to reread on a bad day. turning your thoughts into interpretive art is your favorite activity. you often catch yourself daydreaming about anyone and anything, transforming that into some crazy tale blown way out of proportion. 

you never approached asahi because, by the looks of it, he had other things do, too. whenever you glanced at him, he’d have his bulky headphones on, writing something down on a pad while bopping his head. 

the both of you were just so busy, caught up in your own worlds. 

until one faithful day, the new barista at the cafe, bless her soul, calls out, “jasmine tea, hot,” and leaves it on the counter. 

you thought it was weird that she didn’t call out a name like how they normally do, but you stand up to get your drink. asahi stands up, too. you don’t question it, though, what if he just needs some napkins or something? it’s awkward when the two of you fall in step together and it’s even more awkward when you both grab the drink simultaneously. then, in turn, flinching away from the drink simultaneously. 

“sorry, we must’ve ordered the same thing. go ahead and take that one, i’ll wait for the next one,” you take charge of the situation. 

“oh, i was about to insist on you taking this one. i don’t mind waiting,” he responds politely. for how large he is, he’s pretty timid. 

you laugh softly, he’s cute, you think.

before you can say anything, the new hire goes, “jasmine tea, hot,” again. 

you grab the cooler one, hoping asahi appreciates the fact that you gave him the hotter and fresher tea. 

before you walk away, asahi says, “would you like to sit with me? i understand if you can’t, you look pretty busy sometimes.”

“i would love to!” you gleam at his offer. 

you introduce yourself on the short walk back to his table, and he does the same. when you’re seated, you ask about the cafe. 

“so what do you like to get done when you’re here?”

“i like to write lyrics for some songs i’ve been working on. when i come in, i normally have the music all done but i just need the words to add,” he answers. “what about yourself?”

“i like to write some stories and poems. nothing too serious, just a creative and emotional outlet for myself, you know?” you reply. 

“oh, that’s crazy. we’re like basically doing the same thing,” asahi points out. 

you both laugh because it’s true. 

“we’re people of the same passion,” you say. “that’s actually really good, let me write that down.”

asahi thinks you’re cute, too. 

you grab your laptop from your table and quickly open your notes. 

“sorry, i just have to write my ideas down as soon as possible, or else i’ll forget,” you excuse your abruptness. 

“don’t worry about it. i’ve got some ideas of my own that i need to write down, too.” 

and just like that, you and asahi fall into a productive silence while you write your racing thoughts down. 

“we should do this again,” you bring up. “it was really nice doing that with someone else around.”

“yeah, i couldn’t agree more. i think that was one of my best writing sessions,” asahi confesses. 

“i’m glad. i’ll see you around then?”

“well, i’ll have you know that i’m not scared of anything,” you say all matter-a-factly. 

“aw, come on, y/n. tell me pleeeeease,” he drags out. 

“it’s true!” you defend yourself. 

“wow, i did not pin you as a liar, y/n.” daichi fake glares at you while shaking his head. 

“ugh, fine,” you give into his antics. but in doing so, the air feels heavier, and the atmosphere more serious. the playfulness isn’t quite there anymore when you respond, ”i’m scared…that you’ll fall out of love with me.” you look down into your lap, almost ashamed to be telling him this, even though he asked! 

daichi looks at you with his eyebrows furrowed. he gives you the time and space to continue; he can tell you have more to say. 

when you look up at him, you continue, “it’s just so scary that it could happen at any moment and i wouldn’t even know because you’d never tell me something like that. you’d never tell anyone anything that would hurt them. and sometimes i wonder if we’re past that point and you don’t love me anymore but continue to stay with me because i’m familiar. or maybe you’re still with me because your heart is too big to let me down. and then i get scared that i’m nailing you to the floor, keeping you from all these other things—”

“y/n.”

“sorry.”

“no, don’t apologize, baby.”

the pet name makes your heart steady. he moves into the chair next to you, rather than staying in the one across from you. when he’s all settled he wraps his arm around you, placing his hand on your waist, rubbing consoling circles with his thumb. you can’t help but lean into him, resting your head on his chest. 

daichi leans his head down a little to make sure you can hear what he’s about to tell you. 

“if there could be only one thing i could promise, it would be that i will always love you. i don’t think it’s humanely possible to fall out of love with such an amazing person. i don’t know how much comfort only my words can bring you but, i’m so happy with you, y/n. you bring me home and love and all the other ecstacies of life. i’m with you and will continue to be because of that. and also because i hope to fill your life with all those things, too. it’s the least you deserve, my love. and the least i can do for you, really. i love you, y/n. and that will never change. ”

it’s embarrassing that you’re crying this much in a public space but you literally could not give a shit. at the moment, you’re crying too much to get any words out, and daichi understands this. he continues to console you by rubbing his hand up and down your side, while the other comes to cup your face. 

the crying ceases as soon as you feel his warmth on your cheek. his thumb rubs against your skin, coaxing your eyes open. 

“i love you,” he repeats.

“i love you so much,” you return. 

he places only what you can describe as the sweetest kiss ever on your lips. and a few more on your left cheek. and then your right cheek. and then a few more on your lips again. 

“do you want the usual?” daichi asks. 

“yes, please. thank you, baby.” thank you. 

“of course, my love.”

“kotaro, please, i don’t want to do this,” you say with your fingers rubbing at your temples, hoping to ease away the headache. 

“i really really want to make this work, y/n. you’re it for me. i love you. please give us a second chance.”

bokuto’s words cut deep. 

“it’s too late to try and make this work. i was the one putting in the effort and the time to make this work when we were together and you did nothing! telling me you’re going to put in the work now means nothing,” you yell at him. and somewhere in there, you start crying too. 

you keep going, though. 

“and don’t you know that i love you so much? i love you so much it hurts. but you hurt me more. so i’m not getting back together with you. sure, maybe after a decent amount of time where i know we’ve both been capable of real change. none of this superficial shit you’re promising me right now, that’s just not realistic.”

“no no no, y/n, please. i need you,” he pleads one last time. “don’t build those walls up again.”

“i’m protecting myself, ko. now please, just go home.” 

he sighs and cries in defeat, but doesn’t utter another word. and ready to respect your wishes, he leaves. 

following the breakup, he tried picking things back up where they left off. he still relied on you when shit hit the fan. he knew you would be there to rescue him, piece him back together, and hold him in place until he broke himself again. 

after the umpteenth time you came to his rescue, you told yourself you couldn’t do this any longer. 

in the bedroom of his apartment, he walks through the door frame wobbly, before sitting at the foot of the bed. you follow behind him but opt to stay by the door. he puts his head in his hands while you stare at him idly. 

“thanks for picking me up again, y/n. i really appreciate you. always there when i need you,” he says.

“mhm,” you hum through tight lips. 

“what’s wrong?” he questions. 

“i just– i can’t keep doing this, miya.”

the use of his surname causes his chest to ache. 

“what do you mean?”

“i can’t keep being here for you, it’s just not fair. to you, i’m this disposable thing. like the spare parts in your cabinet, just waiting to be used by you. i can’t do this to myself. it’s about time i put energy into something that isn’t you. i need to focus on myself because god knows i need that,” you proclaim.

“i’m sor-”

you interrupt, “i don’t want you in my life anymore.” 

atsumu’s silence follows. 

“don’t try reaching out because i won’t answer,” you give one last warning. 

with that, you leave his apartment, tears hot as hell streaming down your face. you almost fall down the stairs because you can’t see. when you reach the bottom of the stairwell, you take a minute on the last step to pull yourself together. 

you know healing from this will be hard and it will take time. but that didn’t make it hurt any less.