Crimson Rose

The is goodbye

I'm cutting you off

It's time for me to stand my ground

You are not welcome anymore

Pack up your lies and manipulations

Take those memories with you too

You don't deserve to run through my thoughts

Take up my brain space

So this is good bye

Good riddance

And

So why oh why do you torment me so

You say you're my friend

But really you hold the noose around my neck

You are the abusive partner that I stay with too long

You make me doubt everything that I know

I realize I'm sick but you tell me I'm fine

How do I fight when you're in my head all the time

You learn and listen to me

But then you use that against me

You find my weakness

And then like poking a sleeping bear

You poke until I bite

Funny... Bite..

It's more like you poke until I starve

You poke until I abuse my body

It's a cycle of abuse

You abuse me so I abuse myself

They well up

But not quite enough for the tears to fall

Instead the darkness takes over

Until it's all just dark

The emptiness echos inside

I get the sudden urge to hit my head against the wall

Why?

Maybe it will snap me out of this

Or make the tears fall

Or maybe it will just make me feel anything other than this

How does darkness carry so much pain

I want to yell

To scream

To beg for help

But I can't

My words fail me

My body simply forgets how to speak

All I can do is curl up

Wrap my blanket around me

Is like a sunburn

Pain when it's fresh

Healing begins

Followed by more pain

Then it peels

Leaving the skin raw

And in pain

The whole process is painful

My heart skips a beat

I pause

Say a silent prayer

That the message

Will be from you

But everytime I look

It never is

And my heart breaks

A simple call

Or text

Can open the door

You've done it before

I'm here waiting

With open arms

As quickly as you entered my life you disappeared again

Now I'm left wondering

Was this even real

Am I trying to hold onto

The best dream

So loved

Home was in your arms

I'm homeless now

And all alone

Searching again

For a place

And you broke it in two

How am I now

Are you perfectly fine?

Or are you in pain

Desperately trying to hold yourself together

Getting lost in the beauty of the stars

But now since I've seen you

A why did this happen moment

A this is so hard moments

An I wish this didn't happen moment

A where did this start moment

But it's just a moment

And it will pass

Then I can choose

The way I see you

The pain that is hidden so deep inside

I know you keep it hidden from others

But also yourself

I see it

I feel it

I know it's there

It's been there so long

And it runs so deep

Making you feel alone in this world

My love you are not alone

Open your hand

And let me grab hold

Let me walk this with you

You don't need to feel this pain alone

I am here

I will listen when you talk

And hold you when it hurts

I will wipe away the tears that you cry

All the while

Someday I will get to be with you again

Someday instead of looking through the glass

I will get to open the door

Someday I will get to hold more that just your sanitized hand

I will get to hold you

Someday I won't have to wear a mask

I will be free to kiss your lips

Someday I won't be missing your smell

I will get to breathe you in

Someday I will return to your embrace

To the place I feel at home