Hola, babes.
So, I'm pretty sure that with Kelsey's and my absence, you know exactly where this post is going. First off, I'd like to say that apart from the bad news I've been dealing with for the past week, my health's been deteriorating greatly. They ran some tests today, but the speculation's enough to scare me tbh.
With this brings the absolute worse killing of my muse for both this roleplay and for Iris. I can't fathom trying to give life to a character I hold so dearly and to a roleplay Kelsey and I both love so much if I know I'm not giving it my one hundred percent. Because that's what it was about, in the beginning. Giving it one hundred percent -- more, if we found it possible.
We've spent days talking about this. Well, days we were both available, what with Kelsey being out of town and my being in and out of the doctor's. I talked to some very dear, very helpful people about this -- told them what I was thinking, told them how much it would affect me greatly if I shut this roleplay down and let everyone in here down. They told me something that really stuck with me, and did so during further discussions with Kelsey: "your mental and physical health is far more important than a roleplay". And that's something that, for a very long time, I found difficult to grasp. Like, really difficult. I'd give my everything to this roleplay and forget about myself and about my surroundings, I'd think about everyone else first (I find it hard not to - it's a problem ok but I don't think it's a problem but apparently it is? People point it out to me all the time wHATEVER I JUST WANT TO MOTHER EVERYONE I HAVE A COMPLEX MAYBE), and ever since the passing of my aunt (which is what my family's been dealing with) and my own worrying sickness, it's become clear to me that maybe that shouldn't be the case.
I'm not saying roleplaying is bad, because trust me, it's not. It serves as my escape as I'm sure it serves as your own. You fall in love with a character and you give them your all, you want them to be happy right after you put them through hell and back, of course. But muse is a fickle thing, and we all know this very well. We know taking hiatuses over lack of muse is one of the most popular reasons as to why people take them in the first place. Why people leave roleplays altogether. Muse is the most important thing, and my muse no longer lies here. My heart, maybe, forever, as cheesy as it sounds, because we had so many plans for this, but what are plans without the will to execute them, right? It wouldn't be fair to any of you for us to stick around when we both simply don't have it in us anymore. Kelsey is doing great with her going on vacation -- trust me, this is a great thing for her, I'm so proud of my bae. Me, well. Wherever I find my muse, that's where I'm going to be, most likely. Thankfully I've the support of many great, great people around me, and I'll most likely be able to come out of whatever the fuck my body is doing to me stronger than before.
This universe is our baby. It's months of work and dedication rolled into one. I ignored school responsibilities (jesus christ i really did i don't even want to look at my grades ever) and my own health for it and even though if I could go back I would change nothing, we'd still end up here.
This is no one's fault but ours. You guys - the ones who have stuck around as friends and as roleplayers - are everything we wanted and more. We love you, we love you, we love you. We're so proud of what you've done with the characters. And we encourage you to keep with your plots, keep roleplaying if you feel like your muse is still there, don't let our leaving stop you.
However, from here on out, The Watchtower is officially closed.
One last thing, before we go: we have not single regret about this roleplay. Not when we had petty people attacking us, not when we had to choose amongst a sea of applications. We are happy with this roleplay, we are happy with what we tried, and we are at peace with our decision. It was a hard one, but it came to a head, and Kelsey and I both agreed that this was our last bow. We love you sososososooosososos much like, to the moon and back, honey bunches. I wish you nothing but the best ever. Nothing but the greatest things and you all talented little fucks will do great things with your life, I'm sure. AND I KNOW I'LL BE SEEING YOU AROUND SOON. I will, I promise. Both Kelsey and I will, maybe.
If you ever need us, we're both right here. [points to your heart]
no i'm jk that's ridiculous, we're on skype. I'm on kik. If you want to keep in touch, you know how. We'll be more than happy to always, and we can talk, I always love having people to talk to.
Kisses and hugs and hugs and kisses and all of the love in the world. May the Force be with you, even if I'm more of a Live Long and Prosper girl myself.
