clementine

my dreamy boy

words dripping down my throat

creating a warmness inside

life was so bitter

so dull before you

but the sun shines brighter

and the skies bright blue

like your eyes

so memorizing

different shades and hues

all perfectly come together

like atoms going to fuse

our veins running together

soft finger tip tattoos

our minds on forever

without any clue

of what to do

with myself or my life

static in my mind

memories i can’t unwind

i’m always running out of time

because i’m stuck in a bind

having trouble trying to define

how to get my mind and my body to finally align

i’m sick and tired of always having to find

my sanity down under

deep within the ground

lost in the wonder

praying i don’t drown

quietly alone

yet never on my own

what am i supposed to do

with all these aches in my bones

i ache

i ache

i ache

and i don’t know what to do with all this physical pain

because it’s bursting through my body and i’m about to break

so i take

and i take

and i take

and i pray that my mind is not at stake

because i’m pacing around my room each day

trying hard not to make any mistakes

but im tired

god, i’m so tired

of having this storm in my chest that i can never shake

so i allow the dark clouds to consume my brain

let the rain swallow me whole so i can no longer entertain

any nihilistic idea that brings comfort to the pain

because i don’t want to be angry or to find peace in the mundane

i’ve been painted red by my mother and blue by my father

and their colors mixed together to create a violent color

an electrifying being who pierces her lovers

then cries over what she did under her covers

because she can never understand that maybe she does actually suffer

and putting others before her shouldn’t be above her

2

3

the minutes pass

s

o

f

t

l

y

through my grasp

wallowing away

while i’m stuck in the past

my body grows older

but will always remember

the damage that was done

the bruises and blood shed

by the people who had won

and my mind grows smarter

but with that it becomes stronger

it knows when i’m coming close to the memory that will make me remember

my brain has always been my enemy, yet holds this from me

my brain feels sick

puking nonsensical words in order to trick

itself into becoming a monster

a consumer of innocence

eating itself away

you spilled the gas

and lit the match