a place for vent art and such

How is it learning something after everyone else so isolating, yet so normal?

When did this happen?

When did I start feeling like it was okay to feel like this?

When did I start to feel like I'm the least important person?

Let alone that I had to make the first move for you to even notice I was affected...

A silly picture

A funny joke

Always the last to know

A panicked moment

A fleeing friend

The one that didn't know

A spiraling sadness

I'm lost

Always left out

Always too late

Always the last to understand

Can't take it anymore

I could kill myself with no second thought. I could kill someone and barely batt an eyelash. I hurt people I care about and barely feel anything when it happens. I'm the most terrifying thing I know.

I'm scared that one day I won't wake up, because the night before I won't go to sleep. No. I'll go to eternal rest. The nap that never ends. I could do it right now. Being cold helps. So does being hungry. But I know both are bad for me. So why are they the things I choose?

My stomach growls and begs. My fingers begin to ache because of how cold it is. They're good enough distractions. At least then I can stop thinking. I don't need to worry about living to the next day. I can focus on finding food or warmth. It makes it easier sometimes. But it's bad.

Some friends you know are your friends. There's no doubt in your mind. You feel it in your bones that they're your friend and always will be.

Then there are the friends that you know are your friends, but it's doubtful at times. You know they love you, but were you asked if they really were, you would hesitate.

...then there's the ones you don't know anymore... They say you're they're friend, and it seems like it, but something never quite feels right. You're unsure if they're really your friend.without them around, you would hesitate to call them friend..

Then you just disappear.

Let yourself fade from their mind. It's not like they'll notice. You were never that special anyway. You never stood out to them..

Have you ever apologized to someone on behalf of your entire class not because you were forced to, but…. concerned of the person you’re apologizing to?

But no one else can feel your fear. You remember his threats, you remember his upset expressions. You remember all this better than his jokes everyone got lost in. You’re trying to fix everything before it gets worse. Before everyone reveals his “other side”. But you don’t want that. You don’t want to know.

You’re happy you fixed things. You’re happy he’s okay. But….