introvert

I have anorexia

struggling to sleep and the thought of you is barely skimming the stresses of slumber.

the queen bee does not always make the most honey.

And I miss you. My mind remembers our failed friendship frequently. It is like I still remember you and think about you everyday but to you I am just a person in the long list of people that were in your life for a while. My friends now are amazing human beings. I don't know what I would do without them but it is not the same. It is not the same as talking to you and getting a reply that would make me feel wanted. I hate the way things ended, it is as if we were never friends in the first place. I think about messaging you all the time saying that I have missed you but it would not be the same. It will never be the same again.

And you are okay. I mean, you have convinced yourself that you are okay, so what is the difference?

we sail through life, wishing we had someone else's. because the fear of the unknown future, enables us to think that we will never achieve what we have always desired for. as nobody knows what will occur or what will definitely happen to allow us to maintain the 'ideal' life. which triggers pessimistic outlooks for ourselves since we do not think that we are able to attain what everybody else has. - the 'depressed' and negative cycle called life

We plan out our future as if it is a story, a book about our lives. We always include the good, the highs we hope to achieve, the success we would all kill for. But when we live through it, we see the bad, the lows we wished we would never reach, the failure we would all cry at. And the reality settles in and the realisation starts to appear because, we should have known better; not everyone lives happily ever after.

Life. The epitome of the unfair yet unpredictable.