Diving through holes in the universe

"Good to See You" pt 1

What happens when ....

You have a crush on a boy, and you start dating him, and he's sweet and seems to really like you, so you go to a party and lose your virginity to him ... and at that party, while you were off with him, your best friend dies a horrible, lonely, violent death.

And it's your fault. You brought her to the party, you left her alone, she didn't want to be there. She didn't even like your boyfriend.

That night with him, your feelings for him? They're now inextricably tied to your guilt. It doesn't matter that he's trying. That he cares, that he's protective, that he loves you. How can you feel anything for him, how can you even think about your relationship without being reminded of what you did?

Loving your boyfriend hurts. Being with your boyfriend hurts.

So, you avoid, avoid, avoid. You push your feelings for your boyfriend all the way down, and you stop thinking about them. You break up with him. You start dating a guy that doesn't remind you of your guilt.

But that guy doesn't make you happy. He doesn't believe in your intuition, his support is conditional, and he doubts you. He moves away, and now you barely talk. You wonder if it's because he's found someone else.

Now the world is ending again, and you can't even get a phone call with that guy. And your ex ... he's right there. By your side. And he's the best version of himself. He's kinder, more proactive, more supportive, more mature. He's everything you've always wanted.

And he says ... you're everything he's ever wanted.

Luckily, he tells you this minutes before you have to save the world again. So, for now, you don't have to think about it. And later ... later you can't think about it.

If you think about it, you risk opening up this huge gaping maw of misery inside your chest. You'd have to think about your best friend, who you killed by the way, who would still be alive if you never liked him.

And you're still with the other guy, even if he's making you unhappy. You're making him unhappy too, but hey, he's not itching to talk about that, and neither are you.

Did you truly love your ex? Do you truly love your ex? It's not a simple question, and it's not an easy answer.

stancy + stranger things soundtrack