Lea (red skirt) can cry tears that can heal any illness, and he met Pablo (tall guy with glasses) who is an errand boy, who used to work at the fish market selling herbs- and Pablo wondered why Lea was always showing up to his stall looking beat up and buying kilos and kilos of onions.

Lea is autistic and a closeted trans guy, and he is perpetually trapped by his extended family in a "disappointment's room."

Lea's family wants to take advantage of his miracle, and they always make him cry- at first, like most abuse, It starts tame, by making him chop onions all the time and he cries and cries and they collect his tears and sell it in bottles.

Oh, and Pablo has like 100 jobs. He is a cartoonist and an orphan, saving every penny he has to go to uni, so that maybe he can one day illustrate for newspapers.

I always thought of Pablo as kind of like. A punk kid. Well, as punk as a filipino boy from the north during the 1900s can be. Has a lot of scrapes on his knees, dresses in hand-me-downs with his dad's black leather belt. glasses taped together, Plays the bandurria-

meanwhile Lea grew up in a mestizo (filipino-chinese) household. Family used to be very wealthy but has fallen onto hard times. Lea has little dreams and aspirations, but she used to be a painter with a lot of potential- but she is defeated when she cannot be her true self.

The only thing that matters is what they feel, and how much they feel, for each other. And if it's half of what we felt– that's everything. 

They wear suits, but they don't even know basic etiquette.

and i was blind. for the first time in my life, i was totally blind. i kept thinking about reading, about writing. weirdly, just once, about driving. we had no idea if i would ever see again. just like that - my entire life was different.

it is a strange place to reference for a soft memory, to begin here.

my siblings were taking excellent care of me, but there was a moment in the hospital where, just through bad luck and timing - both of them had to step away for a moment. i was crying at that point; not emotionally. for 3 days after this i would still be crying, my tears, like a mermaid's, a frothy pink with blood.

my brother worried about leaving me. he had another, just-as-bad emergency.

"i got her," someone said. "don't worry."

a soft hand held mine, and then she started talking.

her name was jess. she has a wife named clyde. they live a few blocks up the street. clyde fell down, but the x-rays seem to be coming back better than expected. jess says she's got long dark hair and "more wrinkles than an elephant". jess describes every chair in the room and every person. she talks about her two kids and her cats and her favorite memories from college.

a doctor came. i had to switch to a different waiting room. i tried to stand up to follow the voice - i found jess's hand, following me. she didn't let go. she kept talking the whole way: lamp to your left, just a few more steps, okay to your right is the ugliest painting, good, now a little more walking straight, you got it baby

in the new silence of the next room she sat me down and called my brother for me, telling him where we'd gone to. and she stayed there for a bit, just chatting, her voice echoing in the eerie quiet. gently describing the room to me. and then someone was rude. from the sound of the voice, a kid, i think.

"why is she crying?"

"she just lost her vision," jess said. "she can't see."

"oh." said the kid. "that's scary."

the kid tells me he is here because he has peas stuck up his nose. that makes me laugh, his mom (?) groans. she tells me about the kid (he's 6, he likes paw patrol and eating cheese), about herself, about moving from cali.

jess says she's sorry, but she has to leave now, she's gotta go check on her wife.

"don't worry," says the mom. "i got her." and then i felt her hand press into mine.

for hours like that: i am taken care of by strangers. each person just talking with whatever comes to their head - not for any reward or celebrity or real reason, i guess. just because i am scared and alone and in the hospital and blinded and need to be distracted. not everyone even got told the story - they would just pick up in the silence with - oh by the way the television is playing HGTV - do you like that kind of a thing? yeah, me too, but could never quite get into those open-floor plans, i'll tell you -

by the time my brother is able to come back, the room is buzzing. we talk to each other like old friends, laughing, cracking jokes about if you don't like hospital food wait until you get on an airplane and can't believe i'm up past two in the morning what a party animal i'm becoming. i am holding the hands of someone named drew, who likes my crow tattoo and making crochet snails.

there are many dark moments full of pain in this world. this - in the low of absolute-dark, absolute-pain: people find a way to paint in it anyway. the color splash of their voices: this triumphant, radiating kindness of - let's be here together, let me help you, let's keep going.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

1. make a syllabus for yourself - books, media, places, recipes

2. complete 40% of it

BUT