Julián

Julián or JJ

27 ☆ He/ Him 🏳️‍⚧️ ☆ Aro/Ace 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

México 🇲🇽 Esp/ Eng

Posteo mucho en español, sobre mx, mi frenético estado mental, mis intentos de humor sobre mi mismo, y mis perros.

And mostly a chaotic blog where I yap about social stuff, rants about my life and struggles. I repost bout random ships, and media I love 🙂‍↕️

Side blogs:

Plave @normallosers

xlov @strawberrymuti

I been thinking and planning that after my birthday, I wanted to kinda take a step forward in my journey of coming out and shit. I'm not thinking ahead about transitioning bc I'm not even out, I haven't even do all the proper stuff so, sometimes I can't even dream bout it.

So I thought, you're going to be 27 (that now I am), how long are u gonna drag this? I mean it's comfortable but I'm not gonna deny I kinda yearn for more, for recognition, for those smol details I notice and would make a huge difference and put me at ease.

I was thinking just starting by my rl social media, change of usearname, of profile name, put something in the bio, subtle, like the people I know that have their pronouns. And done. But I don't know I kinda got scared lol.

And it's not bc some random might unfriend me. But the uncertainty kinda terrifies me, what's gonna happen? Good or bad? Or maybe nothing? Or a bittersweet moment answering questions or feeling ashamed or maybe uncomfortable... I know I might not lose everything, but it feels overwhelming to think of changes and awkwardness.

I've always thought you don't have to explain yourself when u are queer, you don't have to go out and say I like this, I'm this or that. But weirdly, I suddenly started thinking that maybe I should, and that kinda makes me feel weird. As I said, I talked with my psychologist, and at that moment I just discovered I was scared af, mostly bc Mx is transphobic af, and bc I kinda hate myself too much. So I suppose I have to take it easy and do it slowly.

I don't know, I feel like I want to be me, I genuinely wonder what is my motivation, and I wonder if I post something saying hey this me and I'm like this, period. Would that maybe make me feel some release? On the other hand. What if that's just the desperation speaking, and the impulse ends in regret? How would I bear that?

Rn I just changed the user, is super subtle and no one noticed a thing, so it was kinda a success that I made it, and to me is meaningful, but I still want to do more, at least the pronouns. Am I drowning in a glass of water or does this make sense?