The Texas SB

hey lovelies so this post is inspired by a lot of those cheesy wiki “how-tos” that I low key love. I personally have a big “aura of mystique” that my friends and acquaintances frequently comment on. It is what keeps me interesting in their minds. It’s what makes me enticing when I meet new people. No, I’m not particularly moody/dark - I just have a comfort level in being unhindered and free. People are absolutely fascinated and enchanted by me. 

I was able to fine-tune my personality, maximize my happiness, and effectively engage with others by realizing, and following, these fundamental truths:

People don’t think about or judge you nearly as much as you think they do. They’re realistically preoccupied of thinking about themselves.

If people are judging you, it’s probably out of envy. You don’t worry when the ugly girl at the bar is talking to your boyfriend. 

You don’t owe people explanations. Parents and police being exceptions. 

You are in control of your experience. While you can’t control EVERYTHING, you must control what you can. 

Subscribing to these truths, you will be able to set yourself free. You will become more alluring by your confidence, commitment to yourself, and your own “aura of mystique.” Note: This advice doesn’t apply to formal situations like job interviews, more towards casual social interactions.

1. Drop The Need To Explain Yourself

So EVERYONE likes to be understood. I’m sure you can agree, being misunderstood is one of the worst feelings in the world. That being said, people very much like to explain themselves, in detail, to make sure they are consistently understood. Whether its describing your childhood in the context of how you are a particularly picky eater as an adult, or describing why you made a decision to live in a certain area of a city. While you should always let people explain themselves to you (will make you more likable) you should always try to avoid explaining yourself to others. It’s a hard habit to break, but work on developing the confidence in who you are, and assume that the right people will make right assumptions about you - and fuck anyone who doesn’t. Never try to change someone’s mind who is committed to misunderstanding you. Lol that’s a bit more like advice, but trust me, confidence from not explaining yourself, combined with mysterious nature of not talking about yourself a lot in a typical mundane way, will make you more alluring. 

2. Do Not Answer Logistical, Mundane Questions

“Where were you last night?” “Where are you from?” “Who took that photo of you?” “Where are you calling me from?” “What did you have for lunch?” “Where did you come from?” “When did you get here?” “How do you know [person]?”

The majority of times these questions are asked, there is really no fundamental need for you to answer. Even if the answer is entertaining (OMG I was plastered at a bar last Wednesday and made out with a hot dude!) I think there’s something awesome and alluring about keeping that sort of thing to yourself. Oftentimes the answer is boring (I’m on a walk outside my apartment, or I got here 10 minutes ago via uber) and therefore, not entertaining or engaging. I usually avoid the question entirely, or I give a short answer - personal goals are to keep my answers to 2 words or less.

Overall, this will decrease the net amount of information someone knows about you - making you a bit more mysterious. This will also increase the % of interesting things they know about you, because you will give interesting and in-depth answers to well thought out, interesting questions.

3. Keep Your Answers Vague (and occasionally just wrong lol)

So I alluded to it earlier, but when you do answer mundane questions, keep the answer short, if not unhelpful… Where did you go out last night? Bars! How do you know [party host]? We took a class together (don’t say which one or when) What did you do last night? (snap story full of photos from bars) Oh I made myself spaghetti for dinner! Where are you from? [Name of your dorm] (if in college)

Those are just a couple examples. It’s not really answering the question in a typical way and usually with no where near enough information. The worst that happens from this style of answer? The person doesn’t really notice because they didn’t care in the first place. Best result? The person becomes interested because you aren’t projecting your life around… and people want what they can’t have 😘

4. Keep Things Interesting

So at this point, it’s rude to be non-conversational by avoiding mundane questions, you can combat that by either switching the convo/questions to be about them, or by amping up the conversation…. or both, even! So while you don’t answer mundane questions, you definitely can ask them because people often do really give full answers to these boring questions. However, I personally don’t. I will ask more in-depth questions, either topical or philosophical. For sure don’t be rude and factor in who the person is/setting, but asking an unusual question will be more alluring: How high do you think the ceiling in here is? Do you think the cookies are homemade? Do you have any really corny jokes?  When is the next solar eclipse? Do you know? Me neither.  Do you think anyone has ever had sex on that couch? (better for flirting with boys) Lets take a shot!

Yes, these are all super fucking random, but it will open it up to a new and likely more interesting topic. They sound weird, so it’s about just genuinely going along with whatever or however the person answers. They guess the ceiling is 9′? Ask them why - can they jump and touch it? is it like the one at their apt?  Overall the fast changing of the subject typically works better for enticing men, but even women will find random questions, when asked charmingly, to be endearingly quirky.

5. Ultimately Do What You Want

Pursue your passions. Strike up a conversation with someone you think looks or seems interesting. Come and go from a party without “checking in” or insecurely clinging to a familiar face upon arrival. While you shouldn’t be rude or make it a point for people to see you doing what you want, you should commit yourself to watching out for yourself. You are in charge of having a good time - no one else can do that for you. You should therefore make the best decisions, logistically or otherwise, to ensure you have a good time. Someone harassing you to give a clear answer to an otherwise boring question or conversations? Say, I came here for a good time! Let’s do a shot! You have the power to control what you do and do not engage in - choose yourself.

Yes, so not really ~sugaring~ advice, but you get the picture. You can be quite friendly, without having to sacrifice any of your privacy. You don’t owe people every detail of your life, and you should arguably keep it to yourself - even if it’s as boring as CVS run.

This lifestyle will not only make you more alluring to other people, it also is liberating feeling to be more committed to yourself.

Input how much money you made over the course of the year. This is your starting total.

You can instantly either deduct or just subtract all of your tipouts to staff as that’s money that never actually makes it out of the club with you.

You can deduct your stage/house fees.You should be keeping a record of what you made for the night/what you tipped out/what you paid in stage fees. This helps for taxes and it’s a good visual overview of how you’re doing at work and helps you see trends like if a certain night is really bad on average.

You can deduct shoes, costumes/lingerie, a practice pole if you have one and bought it in the last year, even stage makeup if you only use it for work (I don’t deduct all my makeup purchases but something like 50% of them). If you mostly buy stuff online you can do searches through your email for terms like “victoria’s secret” “yandy” or if you use amazon you can go through your amazon purchase history and find receipts of everything you bought. If you bought most things with cash - keeping your receipts is smart in case you ever get audited (unlikely but still possible).

You can deduct any advertising expenses (if you made business cards or paid for a premium service for promotion or something).

If you’re a travel dancer you can deduct things like travel expenses, but if you’re just commuting to your local club those travel expenses don’t count. 

If you had health insurance in 2016 - that will help you save money on your taxes. Otherwise they fine you. :(

If you’re going to school and had any scholarships or student loans, those qualify you for tax breaks.

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At the end turbotax will ask you if you want “audit insurance” basically. It’s a small additional fee that basically says that a turbotax representative will represent you in case you get audited and handle the whole audit so you don’t have to do it yourself. I purchase this for my own peace of mind. (It’s probably overkill but better safe than sorry.)

As an independent contractor you’ll be paying quarterly estimated payments throughout the year. This makes it easier when you file next year so you don’t have to pay such a big chunk all at once. Your estimates might even be high and you might get a little back come next April! If you’re saving around 30% of what you earn, that’s a good starting estimate of what you’ll need for taxes.

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Dennis and Frank plan to keep paddy’s open because Dennis believes he is stronger than the virus and Frank doesn’t even believe it’s real. They hire Cricket as a waiter to interact with the customers “just in case”. Cricket gives all the patrons a much worse disease.

hey babes, here is my own personal list of goals for what I want to get accomplished in this new year:

I want to look my best ever:

Regular wax cycles, and commit to it. I feel like every time I do an alternative hair removal method, it is only short-term and it long-term f*ks up my hair growth cycles making it worse than before. Also open to laser removal, but I got that once a couple years ago and it hurt like a B

Regular skin care - I have been getting a facial about once a month, but I need to extend that to my back and chest. HMU with Boston recommendations

Mani-pedis regularly (obviously)

I want to dress up more. I have so many cute clothes! I also have so many great events to attend! I vow to take more advantage of my fabulous closet and social schedule and STOP OUTFIT REPEATING and START BEING MORE ORGANIZED so I can maximize my outfits and appearance

Get my hair done more regularly - I have dry-bars in my area and I got that “blow-out junkie” special for $90 a month that’s 2 blowouts a month (and they role over!) so I’m stoked to be taking advantage of this new plan

I want to lose 15 lbs fat, with probably a 10 lb drop on the scale (muscle gain). I got a little pudgier than I would like, and it’s making me unhappy. I’ll do this HEALTHILY through diet and exercise. I dabble with that thinsp0 stuff, but def not for unhealthy methods

I will go to the gym more regularly. I will take 3 HIIT classes a week, 1 pole class a week, and do an hour of cardio at least 5 times a week. These are minimums, and I’ll obviously take vacations off. I want to be skinny but toned, and that requires work 

Moisturize my skin more - I have the lotions but I get lazy. I also want to exfoliate more, so I’ll have to mentally draw up a schedule for myself so I incorporate it into my weekly routine

I want to feel my best ever:

I want to look in the mirror and be happy with my reflection

I want to sit in bed and feel fully content with who I am and what I have done, am doing, and will do

I will do more work with meditation and yoga

I will make specific efforts to give back to the community more (blood donation, giving away old clothes, charity work, etc.)

I will get deep tissue massages once a month, I have been already and they always make me feel great later (even though they kind of hurt in the moment)

As I drop weight, I will always remind myself that exercise is a wonderful celebration of my body, NEVER a punishment for food

As I drop weight, I will focus on centering around healthy additions. I’m already really into veggies and fruits (and I dabble with veganism) but I will make sure that my diet is improving in quality. While I’m not delusional and am VERY MUCH AWARE THAT CALORIES MATTER FOR WEIGHT LOSS, I will also be conscious that my calories should have high nutritional quality

I will take time to garner my hobbies and skills in a way that pleases me

I want to succeed more than ever:

I will get good grades in all of my courses

I will advance my business productively

I will develop a satisfying final product and introduce it to the market

I will continue making satisfying personal connections and new friends

I will continue making satisfying (sugar-based) professional connections

I will regularly reach out to family members and old friends to keep myself happy and to keep my emotional connections/bonds strong

I will maintain an organized schedule and a clean room

Hey babes, So I have personally never read any of those highly recommended books (how to marry rich, those ones on seduction, etc.) but let me channel my inner white-man® and give you my unsolicited opinion. Hey, agree or disagree, lemme speak my peace, ok?

So, I see a common theme about SBs, especially the newbies, worrying about public opinion or unwanted attention for being with an older man (their SD). Totally relatable and understandable. I’ll make a separate post about how to specifically deal with SD-related attention and discretion. But, here is my advice on how to deal with general attention:

1. Remember: People Are Narcissists

A key thing to remember in all situations is that no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. I mean, let’s be real! How much time do you spend on social media (insta, fb, etc.) looking at your own profile? Now how does that compare to you looking at others? Probably much more time/attention spent on the former. 

Even if you are receiving a couple more looks and attention than normal, it’s probably quite fleeting in their minds. They might be literally bored and just looking at you because you’re interesting and different in the moment - but they’d forget about you within an hour. Even if its malicious attention, it probably means a lot less to them than it feels, so just remember that they will ultimately think a LOT more about themselves than you. 

2. Use Confidence As Your Blinders

I personally believe in the cyclical nature of confidence, so I’ll share my own personal cycle: I internally find reassurance in that people care way less about me than it may seem (see 1), and turn it into the clear confidence to act as I truly want. Then I turn that newfound confidence into a personal booster that even if people are looking at me, I don’t care that they are and assume they aren’t. From there my confidence only continues to grow because if, theoretically, there are people paying me attention, they can tell I don’t notice, suspect, or care about them. Yes, this might sound crazy, but I’m telling you, this confidence build cycle works 😂

3. Evaluate The Attention

Ok, yada yada no one cares what you’re doing and if they do be hot so you give them something to look at….. ok, but let me give some realistic clarification. You need to evaluate their attention to determine if it’s GOOD or BAD. I made a handy dichotomy: Good - fleeting glances from strangers, initial pull of everyone to look at you often followed by re-grouping and trying to mind their own business and not stare. Typically a bit of shame in onlookers. Bad - unembarrassed and shameless staring from strangers, everyone looks up when they see you and do not politely look away, they make no effort to hide from you that they’re staring at you. Often accompanied with rude pointing gestures to you and getting their friends attention.

The key differentiation between good and bad attention: Shame. If the person(s) giving you public attention are subtle, if not embarrassed that they’re staring at you, that’s probably good attention. If they’re outward and unashamed? You might be looking or acting ridiculous. Obvious exceptions include men clearly trying to hit on you, or women clearly being mother-hennish and bitchy/aggresive

4. Take Back The Power

Ok, so assuming you are dressed appropriately, not being weird or unrefined, all attention you’re getting probably is ultimately good. Congrats! You’re hot! Lol, so now I recommend taking back the “power” of the social judgement. Make yourself the one who pays attention to others.

Now, there is rude staring and I don’t recommend that, but I do recommend giving yourself a touch of that ~cool-girl confidence~ that gives YOU the social power in the situation.

When you enter a room, not only act as if you’re sure no one is watching (they def are) but act as if you’re at full liberty to scan the room and enjoy yourself. Don’t worry if you’re alone, don’t try to convey that you have someone joining you (be it SD or free-style partner) and just take complete ownership of the fact that you’re alone. Not only are you alone, you’re relaxed by this solo status! Scan the room lazily, and take notice of everyone there. As you walk, walk slowly through the tables or area with a relaxed gait. Glance at the passing people, or just keep your head high and focused. You are the one who judges, and their attention to you (looks, fleeting glances, etc.), only confirms their hope that YOU judge THEM to be worthy. Enjoy 😘