The calm before the storm.
That calm feeling that starts right before the storm arrives, the feeling when life might just be a little too good and the feeling of the chaos about to begin. My life seems to be full of these moments, the moments when you decide right before the shit is about to hit whether to run and hide or to stand there and fight with little armour you have left. To stand there and feel the abrupt coldness of what is about to hit, when asked to describe my depression that's is how I describe it. Some find it odd that I choose to describe it in this way, for me the storm is that never ending pit within me that feels lost and uneasy constantly searching for that life jacket, along with the accompaniment of the anxiety which rushes into my body like heroine in the veins of an addict. It's always hard telling those around you that the reason you've been hidden away in your fortress which most people would just see as a bed, these past few weeks is because of the never ending feeling of sadness and the deafening silence of replies you've given is because of something you yourself are unable to understand is always hard. People look at you with this glimmer of hope that yo're going to provide them with this bullet proof answer and everything's going to be back to normal, so having to tell them that no it's not can sometimes be soul destroying feeding the demons within your mind that race round your mind like bullets. The hardest part is watching the faces of the ones you love change and their approaches towards you change, you begin to notice that everyone is now treating you like a broken china doll who everyone is trying there best to glue back together! sometimes it stops, sometimes for that brief moment you push my way through the broken china and realise that you can't be glued back together and this wont go away with a bit of glue. Those around you begin to feel as though it is their fault and their doing that has caused this you find yourself repeatedly telling people it isn't their fault that you're so broken inside and feel as though you where born without a heart or soul, so broken sometimes that the next day seems like a marathon away! Then comes the heroine in the blood stream, the panic within. As your body begins to feel the anxiety rushes through it, heart beating so strong that you're convinced it's going to come roaring out of your chest and onto the table in front of everyone, hoping and praying the bounding will stop and that your mind will have a small time to rest before the storm begins to hit.

















