The Sweets of Nikki

So it was brought to my mind that I need to get something off my chest: It all started when yesterday my best friend and I got in an argument because he said once he gets a gf, he would take the time he now allots to me and our friendship and use that time to spend with his significant other. That pissed me off because I believe that he should make room for her in his life not take away from the time we spend together as best friends to get ass and other things. And perhaps our friendship means more to me than it does him, but if I had a significant other they gotta get in where they fit it cause this is my best friend. And when I say best friend, I mean the person I call when I have nightmares, the person that held my hand when I thought my depression was gonna be my demise, the person who celebrates me when I don't celebrate myself, the person who tells me no and always keeps it a stack with me whenever I need it, the person I can call if ever I need ANYTHING. The person who broke my heart but spent almost a year doing everything he could to make it right and rebuild a new and better friendship. Despite our issues and his annoying ways, he is without a doubt my best friend. Maybe I have some biases and underlying emotions I haven't grappled with. Maybe I feel some type of way he romanticizes spending his time getting to know a stranger and make the next steps than building and bonding with me. Maybe as his best friend I should always be there whether I'm in the forefront or the background. I don't think I'm adult enough for that yet though. Maybe I'm hurt because the love and effort I put into this friendship goes unappreciated and it's hurtful to know that a stranger would come before our friendship. But not everyone loves the same. I know that logically. But how do u know when someone's love isn't enough? How do u know when it's time to walk away from years of friendship? Idk but I had to get it off my chest. Logically I know we are amazing just as friends and the love we have for each other is unconditional. But honestly if we were anything more idk if I would be happy. I know that if we settled down and got married I would be happy, safe, secure, taken cared of and loved on a level but idk if it would be enough. Ik I would be settling. I know that deep down I wasn't in love with him. Or maybe I just feel that way now and wish he loved me the same way I loved him way back when. Maybe it's my pride. Our friendship has shown me what real love on a platonic level can do and is. But maybe I just want to be considered. Maybe I just want to be special. Maybe I just want to feel like I matter to him. Maybe I want to be special in his eyes. Maybe I want some reassurance that our friendship matter and I have a special place in his life just like he does in mine. Maybe the hormones warping my feels. Idk. I feel a change coming and I hope with it I remember the joy and love and happiness I found and when it's time to let go it's with smiles and fond memories instead of tears and heartbreak.

Secular sexy lol. Happy New Year! 🤗

Loved is truly an understatement. My cousins are the best! We showed out in Turks and Caicos! Best way to end the year. If I have learned anything it is to mek sure seh yuh tek life and see some world! 2016 can only get better. Can't wait to see what the new year has for me! #13thCountry #NotBad #TurksandCaicos #SawSomeWorld 😉🤗

#TurksandCaicos

Somewhere in the world finding peace 😊

23 never felt so good. Thank you to all the homies who held me down as I celebrated my aging gracefully. 🤗 Also look at my mini Picasso lol.

Happy Turkey Day! Despite the genocide, pillaging and rape attached to its history, I am very thankful for the wonderful humans in my life. Met some beautiful people this year and built some wonderful relationships. 🤗🦃🎉

She's fighting cancer while I'm just fighting to hold it together. If she can win so can I. Finna kick some ass💪🏾#FuckCancer

This is beautiful.