The SuRealist

Please share with any #ActuallyAutistic women who may be interested in this university dissertation research. Many thanks x

All thoughts, emotions and attitudes have roots, shoots and leaves. Their outcome depends on how they are nurtured and raised. By us.

💕💚💜💜💛❤️💕

(My interpretation of ‘Boundaries’ by Cloud & Townsend)

I do not choose my friends based on: - their political leanings - their size - their diet - their clothes - their faith - their external decorations - their eyebrows - whether they voted in or out or not at all - whether they live in a house or a boat or a tent - their geographical location - their health, spiritual, emotional or physical - their nationality - whether they wear a safety pin or not Mostly it's a mutual choosing thing, like... they're human. Or a dog. Or that they like scrabble or crochet or the woods. Or even that they love stuff that I hate, like fantasy novels and zombies. Or that they are anarchist libertarians or fundamentalists. Or make loud noises when they eat. You can be anything and anyone, or several things or several people. If you try and make me into a thing of your choosing it's not going to work. That's bullying. And I do have a very sophisticated bully detection antenna and I will detect you. And your cover will be blown. You'll know I know and you will have to stand outside my boundary. But we can still interact. On different terms, because I won't do what you want me to do. Or pretend. Definitely no pretending, I'm missing that particular gene. We don't even have to be friends for me to accept you. Or eat together. Or cry together. Or for us to help each other. But we could be. Be a fine human 🍃

We are living in the most troublesome, and in terms of knowledge, a most enlightened time in history. We seek justice for ourselves. Yet we desire punishment for others. We seek prosperity for ourselves. Yet we accept poverty for others. We have become proud of ourselves. Yet demand humility from others. The people tasked with the overwhelming responsibility of leading people have shown contempt for the weak, the disabled, the poor, the marginalised, the different. Yet, they carried on regardless. Unchecked. But today we all have time to reflect. How did we give politicians so much power that they just took people for granted? Today is a day to start again. Today is a day of humility. Today is a day to reflect. When individuals in positions of responsibility are honest, respect justice, treat the poor with compassion, nurture the sick, care for those who need it, we will have community that is content. When you lead yourself with respect, justice, honesty, courage and humility you will live in a society that loves every citizen, the weak and marginalised and have respect for one another. Today, check yourself. You and I are no better or worse than the one next to us. If you can help a neighbour out, do it. We do not need to rely on validation from leaders to act with compassion for our fellow man. You don't need to look around you to see who's watching your good deeds. Just do it. The times they are a changing. Buckle up. Be humble. Be kind. Be blameless. Be love. 🍃💚🌿

We really are living in an age of confusion. We are saturated and sopping wet with information yet we all come to different conclusions having been exposed to it. We then blame one another for blindness and foolishness and get into intense rage and anger because of it. Step back from all the propaganda spread by self interested powers who want to mess with your mind... go into nature, smell the earth and trees and listen to birdsong. Switch off the radio and the news, you really have heard enough. There isn't any more you are going to learn that will persuade you. It's just all noise. Instead... come away, be quiet, contemplate, read or listen to words that will build you up. There's already enough that can tear you and others down. If you find yourself in a constant state of anger and rage and judgement towards others this is particularly relevant. Listen Hear Cry Call Seek Search Rest Reflect In times like this we need wisdom. We need knowledge. We need understanding. But most of all we need wisdom. If your decisions are reactive, fearful, panic stricken, judgmental, threatening or angry they are not based on wisdom. Wisdom does not scream and shout at you to do anything. You will only find wisdom if you expressly seek it. So, step away, reflect, rest, nourish. Wise decisions empower people. If even one of your decisions is intended to harm someone it isn't wise and comes from a different source. If your intention to make a wise decision is greater than your need to always be right, you will find harmony and you will be at peace. If you are at peace then you will make a wise decision. I'm at peace. 🍃🍂🍃

When faced with rejection remember this... your value is not determined by another human. Neither can you determine another's worth. This is one of the hardest things to believe if you have been conditionally accepted as a child. You were only lovable when you complied with someone more powerful than yourself. You are loveable and worthy regardless of any one else's value of you. You do not need to be validated, stamped or branded. You matter. You have a voice. No one can downgrade your value and worth. If we are to see a better humanity we will each have to rewire our thinking, to renew our minds. With every loving and self compassionate thought we are creating a space on this planet that cares more. Every child that wakes up believing that the world is a beautiful place simply because they are in it can do amazing things with their lives. Don't regret what you have ever given away, don't regret ever having loved, don't regret ever having treasured another human. Don't withhold good from anyone if it is in your power to do it. Live today in a way that recognises who you really are 💙

The creative path is so powerful. When parents and children travel this together, from earliest childhood, life can look very different. Creativity isn't static, it can include pretty much anything that allows us to explore relational limits and search ourselves and experience wholeness. It can be anything, the list is limitless. Photography, doodling, drawing, gardening, cooking for each other and tasting new foods, walking and swimming in wild places, spending time in the woods, exploring tiny creatures and bugs, making little movies, laughing for no reason, playing in sand, play dough, model making, Lego, flying kites, sniffing herbs and learning about plants, inventing and making stuff from rubbish, making music and silly noises, random road trips, repurposing old clothes, playing outdoor games and sport, decorating rooms, writing and reading your own stories, storytelling, tactile and sensory play, crochet, knitting, seeing, making daisy chains, sleeping in the wild... who cares what it it. If it makes our minds work better at an individual and shared level - have a go. What is important, however, is this factor - it isn't so much in the activity itself, it's what it does to the human mind in a shared and connected capacity that makes the difference. A lot of creative things are 'done for' children, with an end purpose and because of time constraints ... but our young people learn more about life and themselves when they get to do this stuff with us, because that lasts a lifetime. We tell our children to go and do this or that - that can increase aloneless. When we say to our children 'let's do this together' it generates a completely different outlook on life. That is a highly protective factor for our and our child's mind. We cannot eliminate all risk factors but we can certainly increase those protective factors to let the next generation, our precious young people, want to live fully. What kills creativity is this - comparing with someone else, ridiculing someone's efforts, or forcing someone to be creative. Those cause what are known as 'art scars'. But that's another essay from me. Have a creative day my friends. And find someone to share it with. If you train and use your senses well they will connect you to someone. That's powerful.

Every problem, secret, dark place that we fail to face in ourselves will reappear somewhere, at some time, in the next generation. Every problem we face full on empowers the next generation to face their own. Whether we deal with our own stuff or not will impact our children, if not today, perhaps in 40 years. That’s our legacy, whether we like it or not. It’s their emotional inheritance.

Love is learned and experienced. Secrecy and silence destroys it. Why? Because love is fuelled through communication, connection, empathy and acceptance. The ability to love must be experienced in order to be passed on. So, pass it on 💕

Maybe we do. Maybe.

Rude and abusive politics is actually adultish NOT childish. Hasn't the time come to stop blaming, shaming and using children and childhood for political bad behaviour and name calling? Rude and abusive politics is enacted by people who choose to be rude and abusive. Politics is neither. It's the people. Children learn how to handle everything (or not) as modelled by the adults and significant people in their lives, so if you see your children acting out.. STOP... check yourself. Apologise for messing it up, make it good, start again. That way, our young people, at very least, have a chance of authentic relationships. Children who witness name calling end up name calling. Okay? As individuals we cannot keep blaming other people for the things our children do and people they become - especially the stuff we despise. Children grow up like their adults, reflecting our messes. If we can find our way through it, painfully, honestly, bravely, we are giving our children the opportunity to feel their way out too. That's the gift of parenting. A gift to our children, our communities, our world. It's miraculous that children survive childhood. There's so much good in them, it's almost conspiratorial that bad adult examples seem to beat it out of them. Children are NOT empty vessels but individuals that are incredibly dependent on their adults, mostly in their earliest years. It's the interactions we have with them that biologically shape their brains either giving them capacity to regulate their own behaviour in later life or not. All behaviour is communication. It is giving others a message about our inner state, whether we are aware if it or not. We can become aware of it if we want to do the work. Honest politics does not name call. Honest politics does not shame. Honest politics does not deceive. Honest politics does not cover up. Honest politics admits mistakes. Honest politics values others. Honest politics celebrates others. Honest politics empowers others. Why? Because honest politics can only be lived through honest, authentic, alive, compassionate humans. Honest people make honest politicians. Honest politicians make politics honest. Honesty is a choice. Honesty is a decision. Honesty is a way of life. Honest.

Ikigai