so let me start of with the fact that lately literally all days have been bad. my body thinks it'd be fun to give me these extreme exhaustion moments that come out of nowhere and leave me unable to stand or even sit up normally. i literally feel the EXTREME urge to lay down and just sleep it away. no other solution possible.yay.that of course had me leaving classes quite a few times so far and i don't feel able to get ANYTHING done lately so i'm super behind with household stuff and homework and stuff like that which of course produces more stress and that will give me these blackouts even more sooooo it's time to cut the circle. somehow.

my plan for now is to make myself smoothies daily as a second breakfast cause let's be honest i could eat tons in school. i just get super hungry when i have to concentrate a lot. so i bought a smoothie maker where you can take off the plastic bottle, put a lid on and take it with you wherever you go. nice hu!

made my first one this morning and it turned out pretty well. i also bought lots of fruits and vegetables but let's not talk about money cause damn i'm broke now. expensive "hobby"...

to explain it real short it is called the epstein-barr-virus. it's one of eight viruses in the herpes family but it's nothing like herpes. basically it fights my immunesystem 24/7 but can't be destroyed. that of course causes my body to get tired and exhausted and also sick more often than other people cause my immunesystem is "busy" with that virus. it also clings onto good cells in my body to make it fight them. so my body is destroying itself (i think that's called autoimmune disease). it marks bad cells as "neutral" so my immunesystem doesn't recognize them as enemies and just leave them there. it fights my organs, puts inflammation wherever it is and just simply destroys my body piece by piece.

they recently found out that also pretty much all cancer patients have this virus so that ebv induces cancer.  also: all these times i get a cold from someone it's never just a cold. i get bad infections, usually affecting my lungs. and because my lungs are infected a lot, there will grow scar tissue and that will induce a lung disease that will leave me dead within 5 years. i will drown.

so the symptons of ebv pretty much are: - depression - illness so often that you can't live a normal life anymore - dizziness  - pain everywhere, mostly muscles and organs - shaking - nervousness - problems with your stomach - heart diseases  - lack of concentration - and of course many diseases affecting my organs - constant exhaustion

for those who remember me or my blog...i'm sorta back. but i will change this blog into more of a diary than a typical tumblr.

last year i was diagnosed with a virus that changed everything. my life has become a survival training and i will write down everything that goes through my mind, good or bad. i will try different things that are supposed to be helping my health and i will write down my experience with them. as of now doctors don't know anything about this virus. but they know it won't end well. so i will take it in my hands to be a survivor.