The Sleuth

Look who remembered their password! That’s right, I did!

It’s me, Jerry Jones Jr., here to tell you that the Sleuth is still open, still here! We have lots going on this week with a NO KIDNAPPING GUARANTEE!! Scary Doug has just gotten an upgrade to his surveillance equipment, so our safety is through the roof!

Hey also show the bar tender your Mrs. Manhattan t-shirt and get a free Mudslide, on the house! It’s a mudslide because that’s what JD looks like now. his ass got totally toasted.

On April 29th, several patrons were kicked out of the bar by patrons referring to themselves as “the gang”. We deeply apologize for this confusion and inconvenience. Despite what these people said, they do NOT own the bar, and we have NOT changed our names to “Paddy’s Pub”.

We’d like to apologize to anyone who slipped in the short one’s “blue”, which spilled on the floor and caused several severe injuries. Likewise, the one who kept attempting to commandeer the piano and croon was also removed from the premises after berating enough people about “ghouls”.

The two men manning the bar do not represent the Sleuth, and everything the intense one said to the women patrons is deeply rejected by the bar. And for clarification: he is neither “a golden god” nor “the incarnation of all that is rage and violence”. The other’s comments about women are also rejected, and his passes towards Jerry Joseph Jr., while appreciated, were terribly inappropriate.

Finally, the bird-looking women’s rant about the city’s local theater scene was hurtful, and does not represent the bar. While she did hit on Scary Doug, rest assured all advances were rejected.

We are in recovery, however please do not hesitate to reach out with any questions.

SPECIAL SCREENING!

Come by the Sleuth this Wednesday at 9pm to catch our special screening of cult classic: THE BRUTE! With a special foreword by Scary Doug, whose grandfather claims to have once met the mysterious Brute, who co-stars in this film alongside Eugene Montgomery, native Pearlmarker!

And drop in on Friday for our Shot-For-Shot deal, where every shot bar owner Jerry Joseph Jr. takes, you take one as well*! Excelsior!

Scary Doug would like to give a thank you to all who showed up for this week’s showing of “Sullen are the Scary”, his one-man opera. He has, however, requested that anyone who plans to bring a life form that is extraordinarily non-humanoid call ahead and let the theater know they will be attending. We apologize again to Mr. Froog, your tickets will be refunded and we will make sure you get front row next time, where you will be able to see.

Don’t forget to join our Sleuther’s club, where you can earn song requests and special perks with every drink you buy! Buy! Buy! Buy! And don’t forget to do some Sleuthin’!

SALSA NIGHT

1, 2, 3, 4! 1, 2, 3, 4! This Tuesday the club will be closed to usual club-goers... but OPEN to those looking for something a bit more sleek! Come swing at Salsa Night, hosted here at the Sleuth! Lessons will be lead by Scary Doug. And stick around for the end of the night to experience our Salsa Competition! $10 buy-in, winner takes 50% of the pot!

Not feelin' the swing? Still want to watch? Check out our exclusive Salsa and Chip platter and enjoy the live salsa music! Jerry's Salsa is made in-house and contains real, genuine, 100% pure tomato substance. $20/platter.

Still not satisfied? Join the Sleuther's club and get to Salsa dance with Scary Doug himself! As seen in his one-man opera, "Sullen are the Scary", no one beats his fast feet!

WE STAND WITH FORTE

For this week only, bring in your Forte merch for 10% off shots! That’s right, declare your support for a specific side of a highly politicized, landmark trial and get free booze! Prove you’re a part of the trial (judge, lawyer, witness, etc.) and get 20% off! Wow!!

This week, Security Chief Scary Doug would like to remind you to go see his one-man opera: “Sullen are the Scary”, on April 3rd and 4th, playing exclusively at the Historic Pearlmark black box. Show your ticket stubs next week and receive one free song request for the DJ*!

And what about those Neopeople? That’s right, we’re woke! The term “unpeople” will no longer be used in The Sleuth’s promotional materials. Instead, we are declaring our support for the citizens of the mysterious floating island above Pearlmark and calling them “Neopeople”! Tell your friends!

Have a great week, don’t forget to join our exclusive Sleuther’s Club, and don’t forget to Do Some Sleuthin’!

On the night of the Forte concert, security was made aware of undercover S.P.E.A.R. agents on The Sleuth’s premises. The night unfortunately climaxed with several arrests, including Forte herself. The owner and operator of The Sleuth, Jerry Joseph Jr., would like to make it clear that The Sleuth’s doors will remain open to anyone that can pay the cover charge. The staff are working closely with local grassroots legalees to provide protection for any future raids.

In other news, roof access through the club venue will now be sealed moving forward. Several incidents involving hero’s “smoking crack” have lead Jerry Joseph Jr. to make this decision. Additionally, Jerry Joseph Jr. would like to apologize for any confusing posts made on the night of Forte’s concert. A rowdy concert-goer stole his phone and logged into the bar’s official account. If any Netizens have any information on who this was or how to delete a post, please reach out to Jerry Joseph Jr. immediately.

Scary Doug wants to remind future club attendees that any nefarious or supervillain-esque activities must happen off-premises.

That all being said, come in this week for a free Cherry Bomb Jell-o Shot!! The Sleuth has a surplus because of the chaos of the concert and not any other reason!

dmt worry i know forte is sound unhuman but ph shit those are the cops what the hecksbaaj oh wow the aclu is here haha good

okay well sheoeksjbvv jajnbbbg

Tomorrow, Sunday, March 23rd, we will be joined by none other than legendary singer/songwriter/super Forte!!

Doors at 7, Show at 9. $20 cover, $18 with senior citizen status (60+).

And don’t miss out on our special, one-night-only Cherry bomb Jell-o shots! Legal notice: Jell-o shots contain more than the average levels of Red Dye 40. Please use caution when consuming.

Want to meet Forte? Want VIP Status? Want front-of-line priority for events such as this? Join our Sleuther’s Club and receive perks such as celebrity guest meet and greets*!

Come get your freak on tomorrow night at The Sleuth and Don’t Forget to do some Sleuthin’!

OPEN MIC NIGHT!!!!

Join some fellow Sleuths tonight and every Thursday for our open mic night in the bar, hosted by Jerry Joseph Jr.! Original music, covers, comedy, and poetry all welcome*! Sign ups begin at 8pm and the show starts at 9pm! 10 minutes sets, $5 cover charge.

Off-world? Can't make it? Experiencing traumatic fear trials on Venus with missing heros? Call in! Dial up Jerry Joseph Jr.'s personal number at (503)555-5138 and he will hold it up to the microphone so your performance can still be enjoyed by all!

Remember, members of the Sleuther's club get drinks, VIP access, song requests, and front-of-line treatment! Sign up for the Sleuther's club and enjoy these perks, as well as 2 free "skips", where you can tell a performer to get off the stage during our Thursday open mic nights before their time is up!

Have a great night and don't forget to Do Some Sleuthin'!

Note: to the individual who continues to leave animatronic robo-spiders in the men's bathroom, please stop. If seen, you will be escorted off the premises immediately and asked to not come back for minimum one week.

As many can attest, The Sleuth has been a staple in the Pearlmark community for almost 50 years. Unfortunately, this Thursday its founder and long time caretaker, Jerry Hyatt Joseph, spontaneously combusted, blowing out the front windows. Fly high, Jerry 🕊️

BUT WE’RE BACK!!

This weekend The Sleuth, Pearlmark officially reopens at full capacity under the new management of Jerry Joseph Jr.! Bring your friends and party people and enjoy the first round of drinks on us, courtesy of Jerry Joseph Sr.’s last social security check that was already mailed before he died!

Show us a picture of you in peril at the hand of a supervillain and get 10% off your first drink! And remember to sign up for the Sleuther’s Club to get access to perks such as the VIP Lounge, song requests, and free drinks*!

Come on down this weekend and don’t forget to Do Some Sleuthin’!