I Exist And That’s Your Problem

Reed and Sue separating, it was Sue’s idea and Reed is just a complete mess and somehow ends up in Peter’s care while the rest of the Fantastic 4 stay in the Baxter building while they figure out the separation details

And because Peter has to spend all this time taking care of Reed, he doesn’t have as much time to spend making sure he looks as nerdy and weak as possible, he’s even forgotten his glasses a few times, and Peter’s attractive to me okay, whether he looks still hella nerdy or not (and personally I think the glasses make him look better), but I imagine that when he doesn’t wear purposely dorky clothes and actually stands and walks more confidently, and the scars he has aren’t covered in makeup, that he’s hotter than he usually is

So this is how it looks: Reed Richards and Sue Storm are separating, Reed has been removed from Baxter Building (it was actually his choice to let them stay there while he stays somewhere else but that’s not common knowledge), and is now staying with a hot young scientist, reminiscent of Sue so it seems like Reed has a type (and this is one of the universes where the age gap between Sue and Johnny isn’t that much, so it’s negligible when you think about Reed already dating a younger partner (Sue) going to a marginally younger partner (supposedly Peter))

So it looks more like Sue kicked him out for cheating or he left her for a younger guy, but either way it doesn’t look good, and nobody else besides Reed knows that Peter is Spiderman so they don’t know this is Spidey helping out a guy he’s worked with and is friends with, it does just look bad, and oh Johnny is Big Mad™️ at this shitty photographer who’s now homewrecking his sister (Sue hasn’t talked about the why for separating) (because I haven’t thought up a good reason)

Meanwhile, Peter is just terrified of Reed accidentally letting slip that he’s Spidey

Combining this with any au where people come to the misunderstanding that Peter and Spidey are dating

New theories that pop up after Reeds sadly calls for Spidey:

1.) Spider-Man clearly homewrecked the Fantastic couple while cheating on his own partner, Peter, and now obviously Peter is just helping Reed through the separation because he knows how charming and convincing the masked menace can be

2.) (Closest one to reality, but obviously still far from it) Reed and Sue were separating for completely unrelated reasons (although now everyone’s convinced it was incompatible sexuality reasonings and maybe it is but actually on Sue’s end and are second guessing his and Doom’s rivalry), Spidey instigated a relationship with Reed while dating Peter, the two found out, Reed is obviously even more upset because of the separation and his first relationship with a man leaving him betrayed, and now him and Peter are just supporting each other through their shared broken hearts

Johnny is furious either way that people keep trying to blame Spidey for it, and keeps trying to come up with scenarios where it’s all Peter’s fault

(And Sue isn’t clearing anything up because she’s…trying to figure out if she’s a lesbian or bisexual? Comp het got her hard and now she’s trying to figure out if she’s actually attracted to her husband and wants to continue their marriage or if she just likes him as a friend and because she always thought she had to marry a guy she mistook it for romantic attraction? So she’s just really wrapped up in figuring out if her marriage can be saved?)

Always, Possibly Bi Sue is giving me life. Ben is the only one actually doing the PR work to keep this from blowing up way out of proportion because Johnny is actively trying to make things worse.

Ever since then it’s always been about a 10 year age gap visually between them, give or take, I’m not sure I remember them outright saying what their ages are but there’s probably some kind of math in each run to figure it out

Reed and Sue separating, it was Sue’s idea and Reed is just a complete mess and somehow ends up in Peter’s care while the rest of the Fantastic 4 stay in the Baxter building while they figure out the separation details

And because Peter has to spend all this time taking care of Reed, he doesn’t have as much time to spend making sure he looks as nerdy and weak as possible, he’s even forgotten his glasses a few times, and Peter’s attractive to me okay, whether he looks still hella nerdy or not (and personally I think the glasses make him look better), but I imagine that when he doesn’t wear purposely dorky clothes and actually stands and walks more confidently, and the scars he has aren’t covered in makeup, that he’s hotter than he usually is

So this is how it looks: Reed Richards and Sue Storm are separating, Reed has been removed from Baxter Building (it was actually his choice to let them stay there while he stays somewhere else but that’s not common knowledge), and is now staying with a hot young scientist, reminiscent of Sue so it seems like Reed has a type (and this is one of the universes where the age gap between Sue and Johnny isn’t that much, so it’s negligible when you think about Reed already dating a younger partner (Sue) going to a marginally younger partner (supposedly Peter))

So it looks more like Sue kicked him out for cheating or he left her for a younger guy, but either way it doesn’t look good, and nobody else besides Reed knows that Peter is Spiderman so they don’t know this is Spidey helping out a guy he’s worked with and is friends with, it does just look bad, and oh Johnny is Big Mad™️ at this shitty photographer who’s now homewrecking his sister (Sue hasn’t talked about the why for separating) (because I haven’t thought up a good reason)

Meanwhile, Peter is just terrified of Reed accidentally letting slip that he’s Spidey

Combining this with any au where people come to the misunderstanding that Peter and Spidey are dating

New theories that pop up after Reeds sadly calls for Spidey:

1.) Spider-Man clearly homewrecked the Fantastic couple while cheating on his own partner, Peter, and now obviously Peter is just helping Reed through the separation because he knows how charming and convincing the masked menace can be

2.) (Closest one to reality, but obviously still far from it) Reed and Sue were separating for completely unrelated reasons (although now everyone’s convinced it was incompatible sexuality reasonings and maybe it is but actually on Sue’s end and are second guessing his and Doom’s rivalry), Spidey instigated a relationship with Reed while dating Peter, the two found out, Reed is obviously even more upset because of the separation and his first relationship with a man leaving him betrayed, and now him and Peter are just supporting each other through their shared broken hearts

Johnny is furious either way that people keep trying to blame Spidey for it, and keeps trying to come up with scenarios where it’s all Peter’s fault

(And Sue isn’t clearing anything up because she’s…trying to figure out if she’s a lesbian or bisexual? Comp het got her hard and now she’s trying to figure out if she’s actually attracted to her husband and wants to continue their marriage or if she just likes him as a friend and because she always thought she had to marry a guy she mistook it for romantic attraction? So she’s just really wrapped up in figuring out if her marriage can be saved?)

At this point, everyone would be like “I guess none of the original pairings are happening” but I would then establish that Penny is bisexual and has a huge crush on MJ still

Then, the audience and Penny would find out in real time that MJ also likes girls

And she establishes that by introducing Penny to her new girlfriend, Gwen Stacy!

I would also draw parallels between Penny and Gwen, with both of them being really smart and wanting to be scientists and having the same nerdy interests

You know, to really rub the salt in the wound that Penny could’ve been MJ’s type if she was someone else

Anyways, that would be the beginning part of the movie that establishes that being Penny Parker sucks

The rest of the movie would be, if I didn’t already do the other hypothetical movie with the plot twist, then it would be in this one where Penny thinks she’s helping a weird Peter Parker from another universe get the hang of being a hero but surprise! it’s superior Spider-Man aka Doc Ock! (Who doesn’t try to betray her but does decide to try and go ape shit on her sinister 6 and now she’s gotta protect them and try to convince Otto he needs to be a “friendly neighborhood spidey, not a murderous one!!”)

So in the first movie, it would be a combination of helping “Peter”/Otto get back to his universe while also teaching him to be a more approachable superhero “cause you’re just gonna push everyone away with that ‘superior’ nonsense, okay?” and teaching him how to make jokes and stuff for the kids

Meanwhile, Otto is just in her ear a good portion of the time after seeing how terrible she’s being treated/her life in general being like “don’t you just want to go apeshit”

And it would be a fun exploration on what makes someone a good spidey and the responsibilities of the suit, where at the end Otto concedes that he’s probably not quite “superior” but he won’t stop trying before he heads on home

And some fun moments would be them, before the reveal, simultaneously pissed off about the same thing (I’m picturing them on the train, same angry expression after a Parker Luck™️ moment has happened), or excited about the same thing, that seems like it’s just Peter and Penny being the same, but actually is just the ways I think a lot of Otto’s and Spidey’s could get along really well

And then of course the reveal that he’s Otto but immediately confirming he’s not gonna try to hurt her or join the sinister 6, that he meant that “superior Spider-Man” promise, while the Otto from her universe quickly goes from 😀->😧 realizing that the other guy is not only not gonna help them, but is about to beat the shit out of them

For the second movie idea, I’m picturing that there’s a court case happening and Penny and Wade are Matt’s clients, I don’t have specifics for the situation, but whatever it is, Wade actually didn’t do it but got blamed for it immediately because of the way he looks out of costume with the scars and stuff, and Penny just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and got lumped into Wade’s accusation

So Matt’s trying to defend them because he knows they’re innocent, but they’re both clearly hiding something and Wade’s not taking it seriously at all, which just makes Penny more freaked out because no one will believe they don’t know each other and if he goes down then she goes down too

But the way I imagined it going wrong was that instead of really being “wooed,” they were treated more as a prize in a competition between two other characters

Like, for instance, let’s say there was a cooking competition, if you were actually to woo someone, you’d probably make their favorite dish and try to make it really good so they’d enjoy it and you could make that great impression on them

Instead the other two characters were trying to make a dish the main character didn’t like at all because they were more invested in showing off and making a technically difficult dish to do so, but still expected the mc to date the winner regardless of this cooking challenge having nothing to do them

Like they weren’t hosting it, judging it, wasn’t even a dish they like, a winner in this should not determine who dates the mc, but those two decided it should, because their competition came first, and the mc was more like an object who should just be “given” to the winner