00.04

change pronouns / words as needed

"I'm gonna tell mom."

"I'm not even touching you!"

"You are my family. You’re all I have."

"Of all our siblings, I hated you least."

"I'm the oldest, which means I'm always right."

"Am I annoying, big bro, or are you just boring?"

"You're my brother, I love you… but you're an idiot."

"I'm not in your room. The doorway doesn't count!"

"Why, why, why was I cursed with such idiot sisters?"

"I swear to god, if you steal my clothes one more time..."

"He might have a big mouth, but he's still my little brother."

"No matter what shape you're in, bottom line is, you're family."

"You’re my brother. We’re supposed to be there for each other."

"Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of."

"No matter what you grow up to be, remember, I am the original."

"We're both adults, now. You can stop treating me like a little kid."

"Remember next time I ask you for a favor, sis: I know all your secrets!"

"The oldest child always sets the bar. Thank goodness you set it so low!"

"It's easy being the favorite child in this family when you're my competition."

"My brother is my best friend until he tells on me. Then, he's my worst enemy."

"It's okay that you were jealous of me when I was born. I'd be jealous of me, too."

"As your big brother, I promise to always tell the truth. Unless it will get me in trouble."

"I smile because you’re my brother. I laugh because there’s nothing you can do about it."

"I am your protector, role model, and babysitter. You just tattle on me and invade my privacy."

"As your sister, I'm warning you. Keep all those photos from when we were kids under wraps."

"Being the coolest big sibling to you ever was my single, best gift to you in life. You're welcome."

"Big bro, I wouldn't be as tough as I am today without your role modeling and your incessant pestering."

"My greatest weapon growing up was telling people I have a scary big sister, and I'm not afraid to use her."

"As your older sibling, I will always protect you from getting hurt. I'll start by warning you not to annoy me."

do you remember what i told you last time?

have you been doing well since i saw you?

that's not what you told me back then.

when was the last time i saw you?

you were shorter then.

i'm picking the restaurant this time.

we've known each other since we were children.

always knew i could count on you.

that time was different. this is worse.

you're not going to let me live that down, are you?

i seem to remember a conversation we had back then.

so you changed your mind about it?

do you remember our encounter in paris?

you should know me by now.

am i the only one that knows the truth?

we had a lot of help back then.

your mom told me to look out for you.

you just love bringing that back up to annoy me.

maybe don't mention my past indescretions?

this was never going to work out between us.

i told you not to get attached.

i know more about you than you think.

i was there, remember?

i'm not about to forget all the shit you put me through.

you told me you were going to try and make this work.

remember what i said to you?

the last time i saw you, things were good between us.

you never mentioned this before.

that was the longest flight of my life, and you made it worse.

can i still trust you after all that?

at least we tried to make something work.

we never discussed what happened between us.

okay, but i'm driving the car this time.

i haven't forgotten what you said last week.

i'm still thinking about your comment.

i didn't realize it was you when i first saw you.

you seem to make a lot of enemies around here.

there's not much for us to talk about.

we worked it out last time.

i know you far better than you know yourself.

we have a long history.

is that the shirt you were wearing last time?

what don't i know about you?

i haven't told them about us.

you were the only person i could go to.

you know me.

this is bigger than both of us.

i can't stand your driving.

are you taking me to the place we had dinner last time?

that's not at all what you said.

didn't we agree on that?

i thought i made it very clear where i stand.

are these the same people that came after you last time?

are you still going on about it?

can we talk about it?

staying silent about it won't help.

you're the only person who knows the real me.

It's nice to know that the absolute worst-case scenario won't lead to anything worse than a handful of dirty dishes. It's nice to know the world isn't going to end just because he or his siblings made a mistake.

"Char the absolute shit out of the tomatoes," he repeats, dryly, as he proceeds to do just that, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "That'll go down in the Hargreeves Family Cookbook for sure." He's quiet for a while after that, enjoying the peace of the moment too much to break it — the faint sizzling of the stove burner, the popping and bubbling of the sauce as it reaches a boil it probably isn't supposed to, the heavy thud of Luther's footfalls on the upper floor as he gets ready for work, the swelling solo symphony of Viktor's violin as he practices his latest piece for the orchestra...

Five meant what he said to the Handler, somewhere in between blackmailing her best agents and blowing her up with her own grenades — he's not looking for happy. But, in moments like this, it feels almost like he's found it, anyway.

"Single gay men don't keep tea towels sounds an awful lot like a generalization," he says, at last, never mind that he doesn't know what the difference between a tea towel and a dishtowel even is. As far as he knows, they're both just pieces of cloth that go in the kitchen. "And a judgmental one, at that. Shouldn't the gayest person in the family be setting a better example for the rest of us?" He glances over his shoulder at his brother, a slight, teasing grin on his face. "Come on, don't leave me hanging. What happened next after that? Did you ever actually meet his husband?"

It's not Five's fault in particular; somewhere around the ages of eleven and twelve, Klaus had come to the realization that he could get away with saying a lot of shit if no one ever truly listened to him (and sometimes that was for the best, really). It's hard for him to cipher the thoughts as they flood into his brain and get all jumbled with the voices from the other side; harder still to make it make sense to anyone other than his absolute lunatic of a little brother. But Five is full of surprises these days and Klaus...well, maybe Klaus is doing something right after all, if Five is still here and not blinking into oblivion.

"HAH!" He barks, when his brother picks back up the threads, asks him to continue on with his story (another first).

"Joke's on you, mon frére." He points one eggy finger in his direction. "No husband at all. WIFE! He had a wife! A wife, who picked out the tea towels and the curtains and the goddamn frying pans with green handles, which she tried to hit me over the head with when she found me in her kitchen with her beau."

A snort of laughter as he grabs a spare pan from the countertop, shakes it above his head with a strangled cry as he mimes out the fight. Pan in his left hand, his right comes to his defense, gripping onto the left wrist and pushing it away in an epic struggle.

"Anyway. Moral of the story is.....I don't know, actually."

He did have a moral, at the start of it all. Shit.

He's been picking at the gunk under his nails with the little skinny saw tool from the cheap carving kit for the past five minutes. It's surprisingly satisfying, though he knows he'll just get more pumpkin under them once he starts properly carving. Still, he picks at his nails and fiddles with the tools as he brainstorms his design.

"Pffft, good art is BORING— at least Picasso's shit was interesting to look at."

His nose scrunches with a laugh as he tries to picture what Lydia would look like with an ear on the top of her head, and her nose slid over to the side.

Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

at a party

“I love the decorations.”

“There are so many sexy kitties in here.”

“Am I the only one in costume?”

“I’m not sure if this room is full of strangers or if I just can’t recognize anyone because of the costumes.”

“Do I hear ‘Monster Mash’ playing?”

“Come on, let’s dance. Even the skeletons are doing it.”

“Did someone spike the punch?”

“I hate costume parties…”

at a haunted house

“This stuff’s for babies.”

“AAAAAHHHHH!”

“Hey, can we…go home? Not that I’m scared.”

“BOO!”

“Wait, are you actually scared?”

“FuCK NO–”

“That makeup is so realistic.”

“I paid $40 so I better die.”

alone

“You should hang out with me later. I’m gonna marathon a bunch of movies.”

“[text] Hey, it’s me. I heard banging noises and I’m terrified. Please save me.”

“Halloween?? With friends?? What friends?”

“[text] I just heard some weird noises. [text] No I’m being serious. [text] I need you ri”

“I’m probably just going to stay up all night so the ghosts don’t kill me.”

“I’ll just be chilling with the monsters under my bed.”

“Maybe I’ll summon a demon so I have someone to hang out with.”

“Do ghosts like Netflix?”

with kids

“Don’t eat all your candy at once!”

“Aw~ I love your costume.”

“And who are you?”

“Look, man. You can’t give toothbrushes to kids on Halloween.”

“Trick or treat!”

“Let me check those before you eat them.”

“UGH, why am I stuck with a bunch of babies?”

“I wish it was socially acceptable for me to trick or treat on my own, but it’s not, so.”

with friends

“We should egg his/her/their house.”

“Help me with my costume!”

“TIME TO GET SPOOKY.”

“Are you just going to wear a T-shirt that says ‘costume’ on it?”

“Should we be drinking this much?”

“The ouija board says you’re a little shit.”

“Let’s tell ghost stories.”

“Time to join the skeleton war, bitches.”

as a flirt

“You look so hot in that.”

“After being freaks, are we gonna get freaky?”

“[jumps into __’s arms out of fear]”

“Your outfit is scary…take it off.”

“I came in here expecting a trick, but you’re a real treat.”

“If I was in a scary movie, I’d want to be trapped with you.”

“You–uh–spooked…my heart.”

“I’d let you haunt me all night long.”

misc.

“Let’s carve a pumpkin!”

“I’d be a witch in another life.”

“I wonder if I still have that ouija board…”

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

“What costume are you wearing?”

“Let’s pull a prank.”

“I hate Halloween.”

Reblog if you have a muse from The Umbrella Academy

This seems to be an easier way of passing the message about this masterlist. Reblog this post to be added!

❛   i can do anything i want up here &* all i want to do is watch you live your life. ❜ to be a part of it , somehow. he knows it's a fruitless endeavor , to yearn for the mortal realm. but it never leaves him. klaus was so integral to everything ; of course he would always wait here for him. he will never admit to being lonely. time moves differently here --- feelings of sadness pass like these waves. mostly , he's just glad he can keep connected somehow. besides , it's not like he can't come haunt klaus anytime he likes -- assuming he's sober , anyway. sometimes klaus is even able to make him corporeal again ! not for long , but it was easier than all of this.

the statement catches him off guard ----- as does the flip his heart does. the surprise there is that it seemed to flip in two different directions , split right down the middle -- joy &* heartbreak. joy at the idea of having klaus here with him to live out their afterlives together , at peace. absolute heartache at the knowledge klaus would be dead -- if he could even die to begin with.

❛   you'd get so bored around here. ❜ don't mind that he'd just said he could do anything he'd like. ❛   &* you'd deprive me of the best channel on that television. you're not that cruel , are you , darlin' ? ❜ he tries his best to sound convincing --- to sound like he doesn't want klaus there. but it's hard to hide that yearning in his gaze as dave turns his head to watch him.

"You wouldn't need television," he snorts at Dave's halfhearted attempt to dissuade him. "If I was here for good, we wouldn't need anything. No television, no distractions, just... you 'n me."

There's a crack in his voice on the very last syllable as his whole body floods with yearning. For one blinding it pulses through his veins and burns in every sinew of his body, this relentless wanting, until even that small part of his brain that recognizes this morbid, self-destructive daydream for what it is seems to be muffled beneath the tide. You n' me. That's all Klaus has ever wanted.

As always, Dave knows just how to temper his stormy weather. He cracks a joke, and Klaus finds himself huffing with laughter as he tilts his head, cranes into the soft feel of Dave's lips.

"Oh, Diego would definitely cry if he saw how much money I owe those dealers," he cackles.