"I miss her sometimes," she says softly, her mood lifted slightly by the bit of laughter from Louis.
She tries to find her words as they walk, the exercise always difficult for her, especially when it comes to feelings. After a lifetime of not only having speech difficulties, but also being only loved when she shut up and didn't express any desire, she tries to take the space she's owed. She doesn't know what is too little, and what is too much. She gets too greedy and acts spoiled and demanding, or she erases herself and tries not to exist. Her moods are contradictory, her emotions fast changing and huge. One day, she might find balance.
"I sometimes forget you would know very well about narrating a story," she replies with a small smile as she chooses to stay in the more opulent side of the neighbourhood this time, leading them to a park she enjoys. She is not hunting right now, which means they can go to brightly lit areas and better parts of the city.
"A little. He was making a point about earthly pleasures, which I understand, and which were kind of lost on me at the time he was writing by the way, but then he kind of got too into the retelling of it all. I guess you'd call it stream of consciousness in more literary terms. It's only... Well, I suppose Marius scares me a little in his narration. The... discipline, mostly."
It shouldn't bother her that much.
"I'm not sure why it stays with me. Because by that logic, Armand should scare me too from your book and Lestat's, and Lestat himself too, but they don't." she reflects aloud. Maybe Marius is too much of a mystery figure for her yet. Maybe it's something about the maker fledgling bond. Maybe... he feels too much like an authority, like someone in charge of her and she notoriously has bad experiences with that kind of male figure.
"Oh, and of course I get jealous when he comes in and barely looks at me and then, even worse, it's like Armand's forgotten me. In case that part wasn't obvious," she suddenly adds, pulling too hard on a seam of her sleeve that has somehow decided to go undone. She winces at the ripping sound, suddenly feeling like she's wrong and bad for feeling like this, and for telling Louis. Immature again, the voice in her head says. He only made you to keep Armand alive anyway.
"Sorry. It's silly. I should just let them be."