Game Six. No Goal.

Ok, some fans don’t like when I use the term wtf... but WTF is a fine for player selection?  

Ron Rolsten was fined an undetermined amount of money by the NHL over what, undoubtedly, will go down as the best fight in preseason history of all time, against the Leafs.  I haven't written another preseason hockey blog since then, because what was there to say, really?

Anyway, the "player selection" part of this fine is clearly pointed directly at one player; John Scott. The Sabres’ enforcer went after the Leafs  Phil Kessel and in the words of Ryan Miller's tweet... "That escalated quickly,"  resulting in a huge brawl and a goalie fight. 

Note to Ryan, don't fight.  We appreciate the effort but it's not your forte buddy.  Stick with what you know.

(Ron Rolsten wonders if Scott will start a fight, since he is a goon trying to make the team. Plus he wonders if he has enough money for a ridiculous fine on top of the tolls to get across the Canadian Bridge.  And if Toronto will ever answer the phone because it's a local call.  And if the players bought any duty free alcohol the night before to declare).

Anyway, I heard people crying that you don't break the 'unwritten rule' of an enforcer going after a star, as in Cindy Crosby or Wayne Gretsky.  Seriously, people are putting Kessel in that category? 

I mean, I know he's the best the Leafs got, but really?  Hell, now I want to beat him up too. 

But what is an unwritten rule?  OH IT'S THE - IT'S NOT REALLY AN ACTUAL RULE - rule.   

Now as clearly pointed out by the brilliant guys a CBS Sports, if Kessel had gone after Scott with a light sabre, he clearly won this fight cutting off Kessels leg and possibly wounding an official.  

Scott I am your father... Click here to see this animated... worth the click href="http://cdn0.sbnation.com/assets/3270871/kessel-lightsaber.gif

 Anyway, a player selection fine?  The NHL is famous for making rules up as they go along when it comes to the Buffalo Sabres (HULL WAS IN THE CREASE!).  But Leaf's coach Randy Carlyle didn't have to put his best player on the ice immediately after the Tropp-Devane fight. He chose to.  So why was he not fined for player selection?

If we're making up fines here, I would like to fine Tom Golisano for letting Chris Drury and Danny Brier go, sending the Sabres in a downward spiral for years.

(Hi Chris!!!  I liked the way you always hung your mouth guard out after every whistle. You are also in here because this is a hot photo and chic's dig that).

HMMM... we'll call that "the NHL's unwritten imaginary, things are always 20-20 in hindsight" rule.

Anyway, the other coaches are pissed and rightly so.  We can go with the fine for team conduct, whatever.  But this is why, NHL Commissioner - you can't publish your number in Toronto...

(if you are even there or really in some kind of fortress of solitude...) because we'd all call you every time you make a stupid call... like that crease thing.  That was a biggie.

Then you would actually have to read the rules you enforce and apply them universally. 

Well the real season starts in 3 DAYS!!!

See you on the ice,

The Sabres Chic

(We're still unclear on whether this is actually possible) Post on Facebook: http://on.fb.me/19G9jXt Post on Twitter: http://bit.ly/19G9oKN Song Credit: soun...

I watched this fifteen times... I just laughed.  I got nothing to add.  Except that I will not dis Ryan Miller again this season if he keeps his mouth shut. 

Today we will focus on two things... winning shoot outs and boxing lessons.  You heard it here first.

Those of you who follow me because I point out the bright side of being a Sabres fan and gush over every flawlessly executed icing infraction, turn away.  Why do you read me in the first place?

If I was a happy, optimistic Sabres fan, would I call my blog GAME SIX.  NO GOAL. ?  No, I would call it "Sabre Tooth, Mike Weber, the cone head beer guy and other great things about being a hockey fan in Buffalo." 

Weber did play last night, and miraculously was not one of the guys who missed scoring a goal in the shoot out.  Probably because he was going to be the 16th shooter and the game abruptly came to and end.

Plus, Weber is the only smoking-hot Sabre we have had since Michael Peca left. I hate Peca, and someday I will write a blog seething with hatred over him scheduling his wedding on Game 7 and sitting out the next year for more damn money.  But for now, another picture of Weber to get me back to my happy place. 

Steve Ott is his best friend, another reason to like him and a reason if anyone touches his pretty face on the ice they are in serious trouble. 

But I digress.  We lost 3-2 in the shootout from hell.  Hats off to Jhonas Enroth for keeping his sanity during the shootout that was almost as long as Kim Kardashian's marriage to that guy, Chris-what's-his-name... (known only for marrying Kim Kardashian). 

So if you have to know, here is your team Buffalo.  I have absolutely no doubts as to what practice today will be all about. 

BUF - Tyler Ennis - MISS BUF - Mikhail Grigorenko - MISS BUF - Drew Stafford - MISS BUF - Ville Leino - MISS BUF - Marcus Foligno - MISS BUF - Brian Flynn - MISS BUF - Steve Ott - MISS BUF - Jamie McBain - MISS BUF - Mark Pysyk - MISS BUF - Kevin Porter - MISS BUF - Patrick Kaleta - MISS BUF - Christian Ehrhoff - MISS BUF - Rasmus Ristolainen - MISS BUF - Cody McCormick - MISS BUF - Alexander Sulzer - MISS

TOR - Jay McClement - GOAL.  PS I HATE YOU. 

See you on the ice,

The Sabres Chic

I have read endless blogs about who should be the Captain of the Buffalo Sabres. 

  Head Coach Ron Rolston (who will often be referred to as the mannequin because that's what he reminds me of...) says he would not rule out giving it to a person whose contract is expiring.  Hmmm, whoever could he be describing?  Well it isn't gonna be Miller. 

  So let's mull our real choices... and you guys add to this poll would you?

  Steve Ott

Ott is one of those players, like Matthew Barnabe, you either love or hate from the start. He’s a tough guy. He speaks his mind. He will lead the team whether you sew a letter on his jacket or not.  Since coming to Buffalo, I have fallen in love with Ott and am ready to build a statue in his honor.  We haven't had a tough guy, a real tough guy like Rob Ray, in a long time.  On the against side, well is it ok to have your Captain spend a lot of time in the penalty box?  Cuz he does not take any shit.  But unlike Patrick Kaleta,he doesn't end up in the box for dirty plays. 

Thomas Vanek

Ok, everyone knows that I think he is an over-rated prima donna.  I weep on FB pages where people say he is the best we have.  Even though, sadly, I admit he actually is. But he fell apart when Pommers was made Captain, didn't go to optional practices, didn't get along with Miller (ok, who did last year)?  Vanek says he will "wait and see" whether he is extending his contract after he sees how this season goes.  That's not commitment.  It's more like a threat - give me the "C" or I am out of here.  I think the fans respect him a hell of a lot more than the guys he's on the ice with every game do.

But hey, I am only 99.99% sure I am right.  So go ahead and vote in this poll.  Not that I care what you think.

Tonight Toronto! 

See you on the ice,

The Sabres Chic  

Ok so last night some actual players and some wannabes hit the ice at the Effen Center and won 5-2.  I know that sounds pretty, but in all actuality, the recap is fugly.

In the first period, the Sabres apparently forgot how to play hockey and were lucky to skate out of that 20 minutes only losing by 1.  Wait, I have been to this same game several times... Deja vu.

In the second period, someone said, "hey let's shoot the little, black, round-thing toward that metal thing with a net. If it goes in there, we can all look up and see the Buffalo on the Jumbo Tron blow smoke out of his nose. That might be cool since people came out to see us play hockey tonight and bought $85 drinks."

So after the 2nd period, it was tied 2-2. 

Then in the 3rd, a guy named Johan Larsson decided to blow the roof off and the game ended 5-2.  Now you may wish to acquaint yourself with Larsson.  Hell the Sabres might want to get to know him better since this is his official picture on Sabres.com...

 He looks a lot like my facebook friend Jeff only with a hockey helmet on.

Hi Jeff!  (He lives in Detroit and has a real hockey team).

Anyway, Larsson came to us in the trade where we robbed the Minnesota Wild blind by giving them Jason Pominville and taking everything they had.  And don't start crying over Jason, he wasn't all that.  He was very popular in his mediocrity probably just because of that stupid little "Population of Pominville went up" gig.  When in actuality, the town of Pominville didn't ever have enough people in it to have a street dance.  At least not a good street dance... I know for a fact Miley Cyrus wouldn't show up half naked. 

So Larsson took 7 shots and had 2 goals.  That's good.  We like him.  Maybe we should actually give him a Sabres Jersey and put him in front of a camera...

And if you think I pick on Thomas Vanish too much, he played almost a full period and took ZERO (not a typo) ZERO shots.  He did get a point for his assist to Larsson but other than that, he was a no show. Ryan Miller played the entire game, so apparently this preseason winning streak is more important than giving another goalie some ice time. Or Ryan was a big baby and said he would take his stick and go home if he didn't play the entire 60 minutes. 

So it's still preseason, but if you want to, go ahead and get your hopes up.  Get them up really, really high.  Like get them up to "we will be continue to be undefeated all season and win the Stanley Cup."  In fact, while you are at it pretend the Buffalo Bills are gonna win the Super Bowl.  It's our year! 

It will be funnier to write this blog while you are all crying in your $85 beers.  Next up Toronto...  Toronto is fun.  Because first their fans are all like this...

And then the puck drops.  And they are all like this...

See you on the ice,

The Sabres Chic

Like me on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/SabresChic

This other blogger I like posted this seriously retarded question today.  Really.  Even the official Sabres page knows better than to post “ARE WE TURNING THE CORNER?” The Official Sabres just posted crap about traffic tonight and that you can sign an "I WON’T TEXT AND DRIVE" pledge tonight at the Effen Center.   (There goes my First Niagara endorsement check).

Note that the Sabres are not on the “DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE” bandwagon.  Not that I am saying they want you to drink and drive, but they cannot afford to discourage drinking.

These two drinks my BFF Linda and I are drinking paid for the ”Point and Twirl” guy to sing the anthem for all of the home games in March… (the Point and Twirl guys alias is Doug Allen).  I would have plugged you to "like" his FB page but I can't find one.  UPDATED:  LIKE HIM HERE https://www.facebook.com/fingerpointinganthemguy 

Awe. Linda's first Sabres game.  You usually see six-year olds earning this status and getting on the Jumbo Tron for this achievement.

That bar behind us makes enough money in one night to pay Mike Robitaille’s entire annual salary.  Incidentally, this is where he spends the bulk of his annual salary when he’s not busy dissing the Sabres and pitching Yancy’s Fancy Cheese. 

So while the Sabres prefer you to walk home or just pass out in the Buffalo News parking lot, face it, they need you to buy $85 dollar drinks to make payroll.  But definitely DO NOT TEXT on the way home after drinking those $85 cocktails while you drive.  That would be super bad.

So, if you think after winning two stupid preseason games that the Sabres “turned the corner,” I would seriously hope you mean as in “we turned the very first corner in the Indy 500 and did not crash and burn alive in a horrible painful death."

Now IF, if there was a cup for a decent performance in the first two preseason games, it would look like this and we could write all the names of the players who actually suited up the first two games on it.  Meet "Red Solo You Didn't Embarrass Yourselves" cup. 

He goes by Lord Bubba's cup for short. The Sharpie is sold separately.

So I answered that silly poll about turning he corner saying “SOBER UP DUDE, IT'S PRESEASON AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT FOR POSTING THAT.”  Then he never even got back to me, he deleted my comment.  I was seriously just trying to help him not be a douche canoe on the internet.  It's sad how many people don't appreciate that.

NOW...If you go to tonight's game please say hi to my favorite little buddy Nathan Gerbe, now a little Hurricane. You can’t miss him, he’s my height. I hope he scores by having his whole body go through Miller's five-hole or takes a big dump in the Sabres locker room.  Cuz they treated him like shit.  (Sound effect... soft sobs).

See you on the ice,

The Sabres Chic

PS This is just here because my best friend, despite having gone to her FIRST (and probably last) Sabres game with me - hates this picture of her stuffing her face. 

And yes, I am in the St. Patrick Day Commemorative BuffaSlug jersey that my favorite Sabres fan ever bought me. Stay tuned for more on that romance... Oh and the nachos sucked.  Chicken was frozen.  We sent them back.  Twice.

So here's the scoop Sabres fans... we beat the Columbus Blue Jackets in what was basically a scrimmage against a team that pays it's players with popsicles and tootsie rolls.  Sorry Columbus, but nobody even knows how you got an NHL team. 

We all assume it was because the commissioner was drunk and said, "let's give that city in Ohio a team... You know, the one that starts with a C."   Half of the guys thought he meant Cleveland.  The other half thought he meant Cincinnati.  So they just decided that Columbus was half way between the two, and they gave you a team and did more shots of tequila before realizing how stupid that was. 

Then they gave you a stupid name.  Like are you a cool bug, like a yellow jacket that mated with one of these blue things...

No, it turns out you were a red-eyed bug that fought in the civil war.  Then you put down your gun, picked up a hockey stick, and used your pent up anger to lace up the skates.  Like WTF NHL??? 

Was Columbus even in the war or did the smart folk in real cities use your guys for target practice?  And geez, don't teams in the south kind of resent your logo?  Not that we care about any team that will never get to host the Winter Classic because ice actually does not occur naturally in their location...Ok, I have digressed today.

The Sabres won the game 3-1, the goalie trying to be 3rd did ok, stopping 9 shots... btw, I know a big fat guy that could stop 9 shots with his eyes closed.  Marcus Faligno scored twice, something he may manage to do the entire rest of the real season... (he better score if he is on the Hodgsen, Vanek line).  And some Russian dude called Mikhail Grigorenko also scored. 

Thomas Vanish played 17 minutes and took one lousy shot.  Then again it's not his job to produce in a stupid preseason game cuz he is a prima donna. 

Peace out.  See you on the ice.

The Sabres Chic

PS If you hate our third jerseys... look what the Blue Jackets are wearing because they are so proud they picked the winning side in the Civil War and all.

Like me on FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/SabresChic

UPDATE... I HAD SO MUCH FUN YESTERDAY MOCKING OUT COLUMBUS.  THEN I FOUND THIS GEM!

What is there to say about the Sabre's preseason victory over the Habs, 5-4? Nothing really.  It just means a bunch of kids who actually really want to play in Buffalo, but will likely end up in beautiful, metropolitan, downtown Rochester's Blue Cross Arena (mandatory corporate plug so someday I can sell a sponsorship and make money off of your eyeballs)...anyway, it means they scored more goals than the bunch of kids who really want to play in Montreal... or anywhere in Canada (simply for the free health care and superior beer).  Or perhaps the superior health care and free beer... hmmm.  

But since any hockey is better than no hockey, I will give props to three players.  

1.  Steve Ott because he was either the rotating CAPTAIN... or is tonight.  Trust me, I have a strong opinion on this and the if the C doesn't go where I want it to go (read not to THOMAS VANISH...) it will be its own "YOU PICKED THE WRONG CAPTAIN" blog. Nathan Gerbe would have been my second choice after Ott, but the little guy got screwed... and if you are playing along at home, it looks like he will be a Carolina Hurricane - we play them this Thursday, September 19th.

2.  Jhonas Enroth.  Cuz I like him a lot.  I like him a LOT more than Ryan Miller.  Even Miller's mother likes Jhonas more than Ryan.  Hell Miller's wife likes Jhonas better which is why she lives in California, the furthest she can get from Ryan without moving to Alaska... Sorry Googly eyes but your ego is bigger than the Jumbo Tron and just shut up would you?  I wish Patrick Kaleta would have beat you silly for saying he needs to grow up to the media.  Moving on - 

3.  We apparently have this new kid that - even though he looks perpetually stoned - is gonna be somebody.  His name is ZEMGUS GIRGENSONS.  From now on referred to as Z... Apparently he is really good, scored two goals and wants to make a name for himself so people will stop thinking he is a contagious, fatal disease... "Poor Lou, started out with symptoms of Zemgus and eventually died of Girgensons. He never got to see the Sabres win a STANLEY CUP, that poor bastard."

Of course being a Sabre, he will have one good season, Darcy will give him a gazillion dollar multi-year contract, make him Captain, then give him away to any team that will take him after his injury-prone career tanks, trading him for a zamboni and a kitten.

See you on the ice Z and the rest of you.

The Sabres Chic

Here is Z. He looks so happy to be a hockey player.  Not.