#dougallen

DOUG ALLEN is one of 74 cartoonists in JACKED TRACTS, a spirited satire of those Christian comic tracts that scared us as kids. Our crowdfunding drive is now underway at ZOOP, and Early Bird Discounts will be in effect until Wednesday, Sept 18th at Noon, PST.

This other blogger I like posted this seriously retarded question today.  Really.  Even the official Sabres page knows better than to post “ARE WE TURNING THE CORNER?” The Official Sabres just posted crap about traffic tonight and that you can sign an "I WON’T TEXT AND DRIVE" pledge tonight at the Effen Center.   (There goes my First Niagara endorsement check).

Note that the Sabres are not on the “DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE” bandwagon.  Not that I am saying they want you to drink and drive, but they cannot afford to discourage drinking.

These two drinks my BFF Linda and I are drinking paid for the ”Point and Twirl” guy to sing the anthem for all of the home games in March… (the Point and Twirl guys alias is Doug Allen).  I would have plugged you to "like" his FB page but I can't find one.  UPDATED:  LIKE HIM HERE https://www.facebook.com/fingerpointinganthemguy 

Awe. Linda's first Sabres game.  You usually see six-year olds earning this status and getting on the Jumbo Tron for this achievement.

That bar behind us makes enough money in one night to pay Mike Robitaille’s entire annual salary.  Incidentally, this is where he spends the bulk of his annual salary when he’s not busy dissing the Sabres and pitching Yancy’s Fancy Cheese. 

So while the Sabres prefer you to walk home or just pass out in the Buffalo News parking lot, face it, they need you to buy $85 dollar drinks to make payroll.  But definitely DO NOT TEXT on the way home after drinking those $85 cocktails while you drive.  That would be super bad.

So, if you think after winning two stupid preseason games that the Sabres “turned the corner,” I would seriously hope you mean as in “we turned the very first corner in the Indy 500 and did not crash and burn alive in a horrible painful death."

Now IF, if there was a cup for a decent performance in the first two preseason games, it would look like this and we could write all the names of the players who actually suited up the first two games on it.  Meet "Red Solo You Didn't Embarrass Yourselves" cup. 

He goes by Lord Bubba's cup for short. The Sharpie is sold separately.

So I answered that silly poll about turning he corner saying “SOBER UP DUDE, IT'S PRESEASON AND YOU ARE AN IDIOT FOR POSTING THAT.”  Then he never even got back to me, he deleted my comment.  I was seriously just trying to help him not be a douche canoe on the internet.  It's sad how many people don't appreciate that.

NOW...If you go to tonight's game please say hi to my favorite little buddy Nathan Gerbe, now a little Hurricane. You can’t miss him, he’s my height. I hope he scores by having his whole body go through Miller's five-hole or takes a big dump in the Sabres locker room.  Cuz they treated him like shit.  (Sound effect... soft sobs).

See you on the ice,

The Sabres Chic

PS This is just here because my best friend, despite having gone to her FIRST (and probably last) Sabres game with me - hates this picture of her stuffing her face. 

And yes, I am in the St. Patrick Day Commemorative BuffaSlug jersey that my favorite Sabres fan ever bought me. Stay tuned for more on that romance... Oh and the nachos sucked.  Chicken was frozen.  We sent them back.  Twice.