TheRedRabbit

So, for context, we all know that Zeus is greek mythology's #1whore, considering most stories we hear involving demigods consit of his kids.

Well while Zeus was out being the OG slut his wife Hera the literally goddess of marriage was getting pretty pissed off which makes sense since her marriage was an absolute sham

Then Ixion comes into the picture, See Ixion was a lad that had brutally murdered his father in law and needed to be "purified by a god" and Zeus wound up being the god that took pity on Ixion and invited him to Olympus.

Now Zeus, being the #problemgod, noticed that every time Hera came into the room, Ixion got a little flustered, and instead of talking to his wife about it like a normal person heaven forbid , he made a fake Hera out of clouds to seduce Ixion.

And guess who fell for Fake Hera? Mr Murderer himself, which led to Zeus shutting the whole thing down and strapping Ixion to a wheel of fire in Tartaurus for all of time

Well, this happened to the king of the giants. Thrym(Home boy kinda deserved this, though)

Thrym had stolen Thors hammer Mjolnir as sort of a bargaining chip to get his dirty Lil hands on Freya. See, Freya was absolutely gorgeous, and Thrym was well... He was king of the giants and had that going for him.

Well, there was no way in hel(heh, get it hel?) That they were gonna let Freya marry this nasty dude so Thor went to the mastermind of trickery Loki to sort this out.

Thus, a special wedding was set in motion, With layers and layers of cloths adorned upon Thor, they dressed him up as the bride to be while Loki shape shifted into being a maid servant.

(Ain't no way he's dumb enough for this, right?)

As Thor made his way down the aisle, Thrym the legit king of the giants was dumb enough to fall for this and presented Freya aka Thor the hammer Mjolnir and Thor revealed himself and took his mighty hammer and uh well I think you know what happens when you smash someone with a hammer repeatedly.

It's a short and sweet sarcastic sum up of this myth, but if you wanna read some really great versions of it, look here

Well, Zeus definitely didn't need to imagine that

BUCKLE UP IT'S TIME TO LEARN

So it's been quite some time since the war with Kronus and the Titans and Zeus and his godly home bros are peacefully living it up on Mount Olympus

Well, if you know anything about greek mythology, you'll know that peace won't happen for long with the gods

While Zeus and the Olympians were up to their own shenanigans somewhere near the sea, a beautiful lady was walking out of the ocean as naked as the day she was born

Because she was quite literally just born

For some context, let's go over the Titians and The Olympians, At the start of it all was the earth Gaia and the sky Uranus (heh) and being the only two beings in existence at the time they got their party on and she gave birth to the Titains.

Uranus then became the OG crappy dad, and the titians banded together with Kronus leading them, Kronos then chopped up his dad... but wait there's more!

Kronos went on to mary his sister ( get used to this, it's slim pickings at the beginning of the world) and like his father he was a crappy dad too and decided to swallow his kids however his wife Rhea was pretty upset about it and hid his last child and gave him a rock to swallow instead.

This child was Zeus, who then proceeded to chop up his dad Kronus wooo!

So remember Zeus's grand daddy the og sky man? Well, when he was cut up, some chunks of him fell into the sea and magically mingled with sea foam, and thus Ahprodite was born

As she walked out of the ocean, it is said that the four seasons found her and took her to Olympus to show off her radiant beauty.

(Kinda odd the seasons showed up by oh well)

And that's how Zeus met a really pretty lady made from his grand daddy's blood chunks, woo!

BUCKLE UP IT'S TIME TO LEARN

(About our favorite lady, Athena)

So let's lay down some context time wise

Zeus and the other Olympians have defeated the Titans at this point in time, and Zeus being Zeus, knocked up a titian goddess Metis.

Now everything was peachy keen till Zeus was told a prophecy that his unborn child would kill him and take over Olympus(sound familiar?)

Zeus, of course, remembered what happened with him and his father Kronos and Kronos and his dad Uranus. Zeus then panicked and like father like son proceeded to swallow Metis. (For some context, not that it helps too much, Zeus had tricked Metis into turning into a fly before he decided to play a game of hungry hungry hippos)

#TheKronosDiet

It's pretty easy to understand why the other Olympians were #horrified at what Zeus did, considering they were in Kronos's belly for quite some time.

So to prevent a mutiny and quite possibly another war between the gods Zeus promised to not swallow anymore titians/gods like his good ol dad.

After this, life went back to normal or as normal as it can be with the Greek gods, and everyone forgot the whole swallow Metis and your unborn child incident. Except Metis who was still alive in Zeus's tummy and oh boy, so was her unborn child.

As time went on Metis gave birth to a beautiful goddess named Athena inside Zeus and proceeded to teach her while still inside Zeus(Kinda really nasty if you think about it)

Well, time came and went, and like with every child, there's a point in life when it's time to leave the nest, and for Athena, she was ready to leave the Zeus nest after spending her whole life at that point inside him.

The question here is how was she going to leave?

Let's get ready for #THE WORST HEADACHE EVER YAY

Now Athena knew there were several exit points when it came to Zeus, but she was the Goddess of wisdom and strategy and had to make a proper introduction, and leaving Zeus's little booty was unexceptable.

Athena decided she would instead hammer on Zeus's skull from the inside till he let her out, and she would spring forth from her mind(pretty sweet entrance)

Well, this was a pretty solid plan except one thing, no one knew Athena existed, and Zeus was having a pretty wild headache for no reason.

It was so bad, in fact, that Zeus asked Hephaestus(another cool god) to take an axe and split his head open. Now all the other Olympians thought this was a pretty crazy idea, and no one in their right mind would split open the king of God's noggin, right? Right??

Hephaestus proceded to take one swing with a mighty axe and split open Zeus's skull and there sprung forth Athena with a bombass entrance.

So next time you're having a really bad headache, just remember, at least it's not your child trying to escape your skull.

Please note I'm a college student and I write these sassy sum ups for fun, they aren't always going to be the version of a story you've heard because these have been told so many times over hundreds of years that their always gonna be a little different. If you wanna know more here's some links.

BUCKLE UP IT'S TIME TO LEARN

" How does being #petty relate to a squirrel?" To get started with that let's lay down the scene

In Norse mythology, the world is not just one but, in fact, nine separate worlds that are all connected by a gargantuan tree called Yggdrasil.

Now, with Yggdrasil being a tree, it makes sense to have a few animals on it, right?

So here's the cast of those furry little friends,there's a great eagle on top of the tree, and below at the roots, there is a great dragon named Nidhogg. And in between those fun guys is the giant squirrel called Ratatosk.

Now here's where things get #petty

Ratatosk, the giant squirrel, goes up to the eagle up top and listens to the eagles insults about Nidhogg the dragon and he runs down the tree to tell Nidhogg who in return sends insults back with Ratatosk about the eagle.

Unfortunately, fueled by rage, Nidhogg proceeds to constantly knaw away at the roots, trying to tip the eagles nest.

This constantly goes on while Ratatosk ignores the fact that his home is being destroyed from the roots, but it's okay because he indulges in some drama.

Please remember this is just a really crappy sum up by a tired college student, so don't take it to heart too much,here's some good sources on this stuff that better explains it.

BUCKLE UP THEN TIME TO LEARN

One of the main theories(keyword theories) as to why Zeus fathered so many children in mythology is likely due to a unification of Ancient Greece.

See before Greece was unified, most historians believe that each village had its own "King God" and other mythos.

Now, as time progressed and more villages grew together and into large cities, people came with their own "King God." Of course, there can only be one "King God" for the sake of unification, and so across all of Ancient Greece every "King God" switched to a new name and I bet you know who.

ZEUS

So how does this explain why he has so many kids?

Well, with every town previously having its own "King God," it also had its own stories, which means that the previous "King God" likely had kids so when it all got switched over to Zeus it meant those kids became his.