we play a show. about 15 minutes in i stop the song. i'm starting to feel a bit peckish. i declare this to the crowd. everyone gets scared and the crowdsurfers fall to the ground. this leaves them vulnerable. now i may strike.

while the mic is still in range, i announce "It's Walky Jake Wednesday and It's time for some huge creepy meals!"

the dickhead is long gone as i make my way over the barricade and try to grab at the straggling audience members. the young and the weak are not fast enough to escape my need. i hear people scream at stu to do something about this but he is watching and smiling. amby is clapping and giggling. "slay joey!" cavs says "everybody's gonna go for a ride!" and smiles genuinely in a way nobody's ever seen. he's proud of me.

at this point i imagine i will have taken some victims but it will not be enough. this ritual will continue from now on. i am almost at the sound and lighting booth, where jason is filming me with his phone. this will be the only surviving footage of every upcoming show, as well as the only uploads to our social media.