please clap

ask your doctor what the fuck

i wish i could hear this picture

straight men’s only personality traits are saying “I have a really dark sense of humor” and showing you racist memes on their phone

you just

me making eye contact: oh no……. this feels wrong….. this feels very wrong………. but this is what normal people do right?? right????? is this polite? no this is far too intimate. i feel so intrusive. am i doing it wrong??? am i doing eye contact wrong?? oh god i can’t hear what they’re saying anymore i’ve just been thinking about staring them in the eye for 5 minutes straight. im dying

Sloths aren’t lazy; they’re just saving their energy.  Today, that energy is released.

this is singlehandedly the scariest fucking post on this hellsite what the fuck

old people asking “what are you doing?” when you’re on your phone or laptop are the worst bc how do explain that i’m having three separate conversations, reading abt water vs milk in hot chocolate discourse, stalking someone on social media and searching for a very specific meme all at the same time to someone who doesn’t understand how texting works

*feels nothing* mmm, don’t like that *feels something but like, too much* mmm not a fan of that either

you guys really just don’t check your fucking phones huh? you don’t give a fuck and a half about your notifications? you just carry it around with you everywhere but don’t actually go on it? maybe someone texted you. maybe you received an email. maybe you need to take your daily duolingo lesson. but no, you really just can’t be bothered. fuck you

The Duolingo owl wrote this post