TherapyBoy

Nothing like being alone in your bed in the cold angry sad lonely and crying

Fuck you you have no idea what it's like to be me you have no fucking clue you ignorant fuck with your perfect defined identity your passions and your skills you're adored and you love yourself and I fucking hate you for everything that you are you make me sick fuck you for not understanding me or connecting with me or being down here in the real fucking world us fuck you

I wonder what it's like for my mother. Having given birth to a wacko

None of this is right and none of it makes any sense. I can't understand it. It's like everything around me is jumbled just so I can't understand it but it's me and me alone. Everyone else seems to get it. At least a little.

Why do other peope get to be sane? Why do I have to be like this It's not fair I'm so envious of my talented nurtured friends and their shitty fucking perfections and niceties even their worst bits are so understandable and lovable and I can't and they can't say the same about me and I hate it I just hate it they're all better than me and I don't know why. To add insult to injury how much better they are only divides us further. Good to know there's nobody to relate to on this shitty rock.

I'm writing all this shit on tumblr because writing it out and getting interaction might help convince me I'm sane. Because at this point I'm so mentally ill I'm really not sure I am. And it's terrifying. I wasn't like this as a child. I just want to be okay again

I've spent so much time fighting the urge to die and yet now I'm in the awkard middle state of convincing myself that it's worth living despite being thoroughly miffed by the experience I find I miss the clarity of it all

There's nothing quite as scary as seeing someone you love go down dangerous paths. How upset it makes me makes me really jealous, wish I was ever that worried about myself.

It's really funny how the universe is so apathetic towards whatever you want or need because the human insistence on creating meaning acts like stockholm syndrome. A very good defense mechanism but still irrational and honestly hateful