My anxiety fills me up til I have no room for anything else,

no breathing,

no food,

no nothing. 

I try to push it down but theres nowhere for it to go.

It consumes me,

fully and completely consumes me.

I’m hungry for change

but theres no room for food.

So this feeling continues to feast on my body,

I’m craving new beginnings 

the same way I did in the dark,

the same way I did when the world was pulling at my feet

begging for me to be six feet under.

I crave new beginnings

so I don’t have to feel alone anymore,

so I don’t have to feel like I’m walking through fog,

so I don’t have to hold my breath for years on end.

I just want to push past it all,

Kiss my lips my love,

and let me softly brush your hair behind your ear like I always do.

I want us to dance together in the kitchen

while we make breakfast together

singing all those songs from my “internal playlist”.

Look at what you do to me.

What your beautiful words do to me,

what your silky long hair does to me,

what your soft delicate hand does to me,

what your gentle warm smile does to me,

what your freckle filled body does to me.

Look at what you do to me.

The way you know exactly what you want,

the way you say my name in comfort,

the way you move with ease.

Look at what you do to me.

How you make me shout to the heavens,

how you make me weak at the knees,

how you make me overflow with fulfillment.

As the graceful waters of pleasure leave my body,

you are the one thing on my mind.

Thoughts of you make me question my emotions

But when I’m with you my heart is devoted

That beautiful body charmed with grace

The light from the window pressed to your face

Soft cherry lips and tender kiss

My thoughts overwhelmed with magical bliss

I am independent on my own

But when I’m with you it feels like home

Graceful eyes and soft warm fingers

I look at you and I can't help but smile.

Just look at you.

Look at how your cheeks flush red when I push your hair behind your ear,

and how you look away when I grin at you,

and how you smile with your whole body when you're happy,

and how you burry your face in your hands when you laugh.

I think of you when I touch myself.

I think about the way that words beautifully slip off your tongue,

the way that you smell,

and the way that your body feels on mine.

It turns me on to remember your shyness when I tell you you're beautiful,

and how your wet hair falls on your shoulders,

and when you blush and cover your face.

You are so f*cking gorgeous when you can’t make eye contact with me

because it makes you flustered.

You leave me breathless beautiful,

Kiss me softly, beautiful.

Let me stroke your lips with my thumb

and pull you closer.

The snow keeps falling

and so do I,

softly, peacefully, and steady. 

The butterflies twinkle in my stomach,

the same way that the snow twinkles

on a cozy Saturday morning.

Hold my hand, beautiful.

and let me tell you how amazing you are.

Let me tell you about your intelligence and your strength,

let me tell you about your beauty 

and how I cant breath when you smile at me.

How the air is stripped out of my lungs,

and leaves me speechless. 

Come closer, beautiful.

and let us sway together like we always do,

back and forth,

like a tune is lingering,

but it’s silent.

It’s only me and you.

Let me kiss you, beautiful.

Only if you'd like.

and let me hold your face in my palms,

so I can feel you smiling.

and let me hug you gently,

for longer than imaginable,

so I can feel your body close to mine yet again,

so I can feel your heart beat,

and so I can smell your liquid gold scent.

Just let me be with you, my beloved 

The waves and the sea

keep calling me,

but I want to be free

In my dreams I see your face.

I see you and your beauty.

Your angelic, kind eyes.

Your charming smile.

And your laugh…

Just the way that you giggle

When you’re trying to stay hushed.

You’ve bewitched my body, my beloved.

Broken hearts are not always necessarily brought on by heart break. They are brought on by the moments when you loose yourself in an instantaneous period of time and nothing you can do or say can change how you feel. Like when you feel like your tears can mend a dried out river and turn it into an ocean.

Nothing can change the twists and turns that your thoughts are traveling through. And nothing can change how instantaneously perfect an empowering, brilliant, magnificent moment can make you feel.

Is my body sinking?

I feel like I am submerged in your beauty.

suffocating.

unable to catch my breath,

My religion is challenged.

I feel like to get through

I need to believe in something.

But I can feel myself slipping away.

Slipping away from reality again.

I don’t feel like me.

I can’t feel like me.

and this is terrifying.

I feel like in some way god hates me,

but I keep praying for god to help me.

I need to believe in something.

I need somebody.

I look at you and tears just roll down my face.

you.

you are what I’ve been waiting for.

I don’t believe in finding your “other half”

but I do believe in fining you’r equal.

and you feel like that.

you make me feel safe in so many ways.

and I always wish to be there for you.

I cry because you make me a better person.

I never tell you enough,

but you are my favorite person,

and my favorite shade of love.

your arms feel like home,

Is it okay if we touch, if our body's collide together so we can feel each others hearts beat.

Is it okay if our hands clasp together, gently, and peacefully.

Is it okay if my lips touch yours, as they dance together like choreography that we both know every step to.

Is it okay if I whisper in your ear cute things that we would never say out loud.