The Perks of Dating Me

the perks of dating me: you will always look less awkward in comparison

the perks of dating me: i am australian so you can refer to having sex with me as 'going down under'

the perks of dating me: i am not trying to make fetch happen

the perks of dating me: i can recite just about every episode of Friends from memory

the perks of dating me: im about to leave the country for five months so we can ignore each other the whole time im away

the perks of dating me: i can analyse the placement of punctuation marks in a text message better than Sherlock Holmes

the perks of dating me: thanks to thad castle, i take excellent dick pics

the perks of dating me: i read fifty shades of grey so there is pretty much nothing you can be into that will shock me

the perks of dating me: you will know im dtf because my mating call is a yodel

the perks of dating me: you will no longer have to find a polite way to tell all your relatives on christmas day that you're still single and may remain in that state forever

the perks of dating me: i look like a hooker - but a high-class hooker, for statesmen or athletes

the perks of dating me: i once had someone tell me that my sober impression is so good they wouldn't have known i was drunk if it wasn't for the fact that i was vomiting at the time