The Perfect Chub

If you’re fussy and you know it, fix your tie

If you’re fussy and you know it, fix your tie

If you’re fussy and you know it,

And you really want to show it,

“Can I see your birthday suit?”

“OK here it is!”

“That’s not what I…”

2 guys walking by me

Guy: “Hey! He’s got one of those things on his head! Whaddya call them things? A ROOSTER! That’s it!” (to me) “Sir that’s a nice Rooster on your head!”

Me: “Um, Rooster?”

Guy: “Yes, on your head! Isn’t that what they call it!”

Me: “Well, no, it’s a hat. A Bowler hat specifically. Also called a Derby.”

Guy: “It’s a Derby! Damn, it looks like a Rooster.”

Local guy on beach walks up to me as I am putting on suntan lotion

Guy: “Oh man, you don’t need that. All those chemicals on your skin!”

Me: “Um, I don’t?” (turn slightly to prevent the sunlight reflecting off my belly from blinding him)

Guy: “No man. All you need is Aloe and moisturizers man. That’s all. These chemicals are killing you man!”