The Pen It Bleeds

I know we’re a young childless couple, but we’re looking for three bedrooms. Unless there’s a decent basement. Then two will do.

You see, we need a master bedroom, an office, and a home dungeon.

We’re very specific about this space being available to convert into a sex dungeon. No, we’re not kidding.

We need to install a new door knob to that bedroom, which locks from the outside with a key only we have copies to.

Insulation is important to us, partly because I won’t be paying much for heat but partly because of city noise ordinances.

A finished or semi-finished basement would be nice if the third bedroom isn’t available. I can get down with the industrial slave-type dungeon.

I’ll possibly paint the dungeon black. That won’t be a problem until we have to sell, right?

The back yard should be as private as possible because I’ll be peeing in it more often than the average homeowner.

My partner has graciously allowed me to design the bathrooms to correspond with both sides of my personality. The themes will be mermaid and serial killer.

We prefer not to be right next to a church because the temptation to fornicate against the back walls would be stronger than the force of god.

An attic isn’t required, but it’s a bonus as it gives me a fun place to practice witchcraft and do recreational drugs.

The first day of work of the baby shepherd. 

“She has surrendered to a joy known only by the insane. She has lost herself completely, and she is finally free. It is horrible and it is beautiful” -Ari Aster

HEAVEN ON EARTH MARKS THE END OF ‘EGO SUPREMACY’

“The real cause of human suffering lies in the lack of education (social awareness) about the ‘ego’ and how it controls our perception (without being detected).” -Anon I mus (Spiritually Anonymous)

THE EGO

“From the time that we were little children, we began to form mental images of who we think we are. This is a fictional identity based on self-preservation and our personal/cultural conditioning. When we identify with this mind-made self (body-mind entity), we are functioning in ‘ego-mode’. None of us are born with an ‘ego’ (social mask), it is learned; an identity of our own mental construction that was built into the fabric of how we see, think, speak, feel and behave. We are constantly seeking power, validation and the approval of others; our thinking and behavior is always in anticipation of a response (it is fear-based). The real cause of human suffering is holding onto false beliefs and narratives that we are limited, powerless, defective, worthless, fearful and disconnected beings from each other and the universe as a whole. The unobserved ego in us is the major source of all human stress. To protect our distorted self-image, we unconsciously think and act out behaviors that are the exact opposite of what we internalized in order to ‘compensate’ for our sense of lack. Like any virus, the ego needs a host to survive (you) by forcing us to mutate, seducing us into identifying with it. To transcend the mental prison of our egoic programming is to be aware of how it functions inside us (through detached mindfulness) and remove our vital energy from it.”  

~Anon I mus (Spiritually Anonymous)

CHARACTERISTICS OF THE EGO:

The unchecked ego is a mind virus that hacks into our personal identity/story and distorts our worldview * it resents change * it needs to control through dominance * it wants approval from others (through recognition, attention and praise) * it craves more power over people and/or circumstances * it lives in constant comparison to others * it feels the need to be right (mental standpoint) * it thinks it is the personal doer of actions * it believes itself to be the mind-body entity only * it is conditional * it promotes separation/exclusivity * it feels a sense of lack, craving more and more (for its needs are never satisfied) * it is insecure * it is racist *it feels a sense of entitlement * it feels guilt * it gossips * it worries * it is shallow * It is sexist *it holds grudges * it unconsciously seeks out drama (to feel important) * it focuses on past/future (at the expense of the present) * it is emotionally reactive * it depends on the opinions of others for a sense of self * it does not trust * it is defensive (taking things personally) * it is co-dependent on people * it represses * it cannot love unconditionally * it is possessive * it accumulates * it projects expectations onto others (expecting others to meet its standards or wishes) * it creates resistance to what really is * it seeks meaning and happiness from external things * its envious * it lives in the dark (confusion) * it labels and judges people and things * it plays victim role or perpetrator * it projects blame * it complains * it is unconscious of itself*    

~Anon I mus (Spiritually Anonymous)

*for more information on this important subject visit

The Power of Letting Go

“Life is a never-ending cycle of holding on and letting go.  All things (thoughts, people, places, objects, situations, etc.) have an expiration date and will eventually come to pass.  Enjoy the momentary show of phenomenal appearances in the field of time that arise in the vast space of your changeless awareness. Be thankful for all of your impermanent experiences and gently let them go with a full heart of gratitude.”   - Anon I mus (Spiritually Anonymous)

Do not seek to enhance your sense of self through identification with transient forms; they cannot truly complete you, define you, give you security, peace or long lasting fulfillment. Seek out the pure, unchanging essence of your timeless nature that shines behind all manifestation.

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVEXXFrFoUo)

One thing I’ve learned through studying Jyotisha, is to stop apologizing for who I am. Because it literally is not something I can change. And I’ve also learned how to give others the permission and freedom and grace to be who they are, because it’s not something they can change either.

Through having my own chart read, witnessing the readings of so many of my peers, and beginning to read charts on my own, I’ve learned one important lesson that has been said over and over in all the Vedic teachings: we are the indestructible Conscious Awareness (Purusha) set in the equally indestructible matter/material nature (Prakriti). We are literally strapped into material nature like a person strapped into a roller coaster ride. Everything we think is us... our mind, thoughts, emotions, breath, energy, body... none of it is the true Us. And none of it is controllable.

A former teacher of mine used to say “gunas are acting”. Gunas are forces of nature. They’re energetic frequencies of material nature that combine in different permutations and combinations to show up as a chair or a tree or a cat or a human. They’re what create the strings in string theory. But all of those strings arise from a mass oceanic Conscious Awareness called the Unified Field. In truth, there’s only One of us here manifesting through Prakriti as the many.

Just like you have a Dosha in Ayurveda, you have an Archetype in Jyotisha. And mine is powerful. They all are powerful in their unique ways. I’ve always had an image in my mind of myself that was very private to me. This image has been with me since I was a child. I rarely, if ever, tell anyone about it. But I am now because it turns out, it’s my Archetype. She’s got long flowing silver hair, eyes glowing with energy like burning embers, a long flowing dress with electricity moving through it, and fire shooting out of the palms of her hands like burning lightening bolts. She’s me. She’s the me I am to embody. She is Indrāgni. She’s ruled by the firey planet Mars and embodies all of its qualities of passion, fire, power, authority, strength and courage. She’s Indra, the Lord of the Hindu gods and god of lightening and thunder, fused with Agni, goddess of the transformational fire. She’s always been inside me as a living, breathing Deity. I just had no idea her significance until I studied Jyotisha.

She gives me my power when I do Reiki. She is who I channel in all my healing work. She’s who speaks through me when I passionately teach and write. And I’ve apologized for her my whole life. I’ve apologized for her when others have told me I’ve been “too much”. I’ve apologized for her when others have said I’m “too bold”. I’ve apologized for her when others have “put me in my place” and told me to remain small because it’s the humble, spiritual thing to do. I’ve suppressed her over and over and over again. And it’s like suppressing a roaring ball of energy. That doesn’t go well.

Jyotisha is a healing modality. It’s not mere astrology. The Sanskrit term means The Eye of Wisdom because it gives you the One Eye of Conscious Awareness so that you can see who you truly are. It’s like Sanjaya in the Bhagavad Gita when he is explaining the unfolding of the entire content of the Gita. Jyotisha explains the entire content of your life — who you truly are, what is your material world, and what you are here to do in it. It’s your own personal Bhagavad Gita. And through learning about yourself, you accept who you are and you heal. You are given an opportunity to step into your power and own it, live it.

I made a pact with myself yesterday. I will no longer apologize for my Fire. I will no longer play small and less than to make others feel comfortable. Making others feel comfortable is not my job. I will be loving. I will be kind. I will be healing. And I will not shrink while doing so. I will be Me.

🔥 Jennifer