butcher's vanity

this is where i think soichiro's Cop influence really gets to light-- not in terms of some basic ass Cops Are Evil Which Is Why Light Is Bad logic, but through the transfer of this kind of black n white, absolutist ethical thinking. if there is one (1) thing that light's actions as KIRA make clear, it is that he doesn't believe in rehabilitation. light Does Not think that anyone could ever come back from a crime once it has been committed, and it is this belief specifically that really breaks him imo-- the realization that everything he has been working for, everything that everyone around him has been building him up to be for as long as he can remember, has all been for absolutely nothing. he's nothing now. he dropped it all in a second, on a whim, for the stupidest, least conscious decision ever, and now he can never be the same. in one moment, all his dreams are dead-- this one action now defines the trajectory of the entire rest of his life.

what KIRA does is not just retroactively make light's actions justified-- it makes them an action done out of Conscious, Careful Thought. it is an Act of Justice, against the typical (current) standards of humanity, yes, but a carefully thought out plan all the same. light is a Martyr, he's a God, he's Changing The World. he's saving face and trying to put the pieces of his pride back together, not only to be a good, pure person again but also so he doesn't have to face the embarrassment of fucking up in such a half-assed, dumb kinda way. he picked a notebook up off the ground with a stupid title, wrote a couple names, and now two men are dead. do you think he'd planned to show his friends that thing beforehand? his sister? how long was this a joke before it wasn't, before it couldn't be?

this is also the exact nail that near hits on the head so viciously in the final confrontation. what he tells light is twofold: that he is a murderer, that his desperate attempts to claw back his humanity and justify his actions have only dug him a deeper grave, that light Fucked Himself by committing to this shit so hard; but also that this is Not the only way it ever had to be. light could've rehabilitated himself, he could've felt guilt and regret and allowed himself the human reaction to his actions, he could've moved on. but he didn't.

Hey guys guess what I did

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Omfg I'm done with this

(Pssstttt!!! This is only half! Check out the full vid on my youtube! :DD)

my cat passed away this year.