Better Known as Agent 7

Searching through my documents and I found a fully written out version of ENTITY7’S “Sigma Male Routine”. ENTITY7 has been moved down to ENTITY8 out of personal dislike. The less likely I am to see him in court, the happier environment we will have.

Who are you and I’m WAY more poggers than what you just think of me as!

SIGH. My respect for you starts (and more importantly, ends) at your ability to survive time loops and still be capable of performing your duties of camp counselor. The same cannot be said of my associates who have not watched their coworkers die over and over again. Whether that speaks more about AGENT 15&16's imbecility or you being "poggers" (what) is up for debate, though.

AGENT23 took the pleasure in showing me ENTITY4's secret poetry collection today. The horrors were both incomprehensible and indescribable. (Note: how she received them in the first place is unbeknownst to me. Possibly something to look into.)

That is art inspired by the pure unyielding love I have for my dearest Sydney! You've violated my privacy and now I am going to write a distrack about you and your organization on my harp!

The perpetual hope of the entities is both... cute and alarming. How much control do they believe they have over this reality? What will happen when they find out they don't? I know you want this to be as impersonal as possible, AGENT1, but low morale leads to anger, and with these entities displaying as many chthonic qualities as they do... it's concerning to say the very least. On another note, if it considers this "love", then I would hate to see the "love" it gives to its family back in Arkhangelsk. Despite being well-versed in the field of English literature, "when you love someone, burn them alive" is an idiom I can confidently say I have never heard before.

That's an interesting admission to celibacy.

Sigh. I do not get paid enough for this.

ENTITY4 once again claims that it is a cowboy despite not knowing a singular thing about authentic cowboy culture. What ever happened to "a true cowboy knows love, pain, and shame but never cares about fame", huh? I don't see its grand stories of wealth fitting into that narrative. If it shows up in cowboy boots, mark my words: I will be stomping out of the courtroom. There truly is not room in this town for the both of us.

So a duel at dawn then, agent? I will prove my efficiency as a cowboy!

That would be completely and utterly unprofessional... however... I do not fancy myself as a coward, so how does 06:00 CST on the dot work for you?

That'll do quite nicely! This town isn't big enough for the two of us, partner! 🤠

Don't ever call me "partner" again. The duel is on.

Put Elijah in a funhouse mirror maze and watch him scream and cry and run and yell and throw up and sob

I second this motion. AGENT1, I am abandoning my post as stick-in-the-mud to endorse putting ENTITY4 in a funhouse maze. This will made it easier to brief for court, not to mention the potential for confessions to be incited...

You'll have to catch me first, agent!

Fine. Your mask stays on this time, though. We cannot have that level of chaos being ensued at an otherwise ordinary airport once again. I am a normal, rational citizen and the less arson that takes place in airports that my tax dollars have paid for, the better.

AGENT23 took the pleasure in showing me ENTITY4's secret poetry collection today. The horrors were both incomprehensible and indescribable. (Note: how she received them in the first place is unbeknownst to me. Possibly something to look into.)

That is art inspired by the pure unyielding love I have for my dearest Sydney! You've violated my privacy and now I am going to write a distrack about you and your organization on my harp!

The perpetual hope of the entities is both... cute and alarming. How much control do they believe they have over this reality? What will happen when they find out they don't? I know you want this to be as impersonal as possible, AGENT1, but low morale leads to anger, and with these entities displaying as many chthonic qualities as they do... it's concerning to say the very least. On another note, if it considers this "love", then I would hate to see the "love" it gives to its family back in Arkhangelsk. Despite being well-versed in the field of English literature, "when you love someone, burn them alive" is an idiom I can confidently say I have never heard before.

I'm glad one decent thing came out of AGENT15 and AGENT16's sheer, unadulterated IDIOCY.

Put Elijah in a funhouse mirror maze and watch him scream and cry and run and yell and throw up and sob

I second this motion. AGENT1, I am abandoning my post as stick-in-the-mud to endorse putting ENTITY4 in a funhouse maze. This will made it easier to brief for court, not to mention the potential for confessions to be incited...

ENTITY1 insists again that it is "not a cat", however, after relistening to the timbre in which it says the personal name of ENTITY2... further investigation is required.

ENTITY4 once again claims that it is a cowboy despite not knowing a singular thing about authentic cowboy culture. What ever happened to "a true cowboy knows love, pain, and shame but never cares about fame", huh? I don't see its grand stories of wealth fitting into that narrative. If it shows up in cowboy boots, mark my words: I will be stomping out of the courtroom. There truly is not room in this town for the both of us.

So a duel at dawn then, agent? I will prove my efficiency as a cowboy!

That would be completely and utterly unprofessional... however... I do not fancy myself as a coward, so how does 06:00 CST on the dot work for you?

ENTITY4 once again claims that it is a cowboy despite not knowing a singular thing about authentic cowboy culture. What ever happened to "a true cowboy knows love, pain, and shame but never cares about fame", huh? I don't see its grand stories of wealth fitting into that narrative. If it shows up in cowboy boots, mark my words: I will be stomping out of the courtroom. There truly is not room in this town for the both of us.